Opinions needed on woman phyche plz!

[sexy.time]

OK, well i am starting to find being honest is a good thing in a relationship. but can be disastrous before a relationship when trying to get into one. heres the quick 411

I was talking to this girl lastnight, and she told me that she didnt want a relationship cuz she still has feelings for her ex. having encountered this kind of thing before i found it very frustrating but decided i would bite my tounge and say "its ok i understand". which i can, but this is the second time this has happened to me in the same month.

I said to her "theres alot of things i want to say, but im just going to say i understand". she replied "just say them"
So thinking being honest and trying to level with her and give her my advice i spill my guts about how i felt. it doesnt work out with ex's very often. i basically said i dont know how her ex treated her, but i would treat her so good. stuff like how im starting to feel un-datable cuz everytime i get close to having a relationship something seems to fuck up.

i filled a whole page with my most honest thoughts. waited 2 minutes.....no reply....i was like hello? do you have nothing to say?. all she said was im sorry. it really sucks when you spill you guts to somebody and they have nothing to say.

which leads me to my main question ladies
I have heard that a thing that can kinda keep a woman interested is when they dont know what you think or how you feel. (to a certain extent) is the curiousness of not knowing completely how the guys feel intriguing? is this true or is absolute honesty and openess a better approach. (please keep in mind that im talking about prior to a relationship) and why do woman seem to think that a relationship with their ex will be better than anything that they could find in the not to distant future?

 

[TheOriginalJames]

*awaits an answer to this as well*

 

[dt3]

*is glad he's married*

 

[alleycat]

Before I read everyone elses response I am going to add mine.
I think being completely open and honest is the best and only way to be. I also think that she has been completely honest with you also. If someone still has feelings for their ex, they arent ready for someone else. they wont be able to give you their undivided attention and thats unfair to both parties. Steer clear away as she has given you the warning signs. Regardless if she says lets try it, until she is completely honest with herself about being over the ex, its not gonna work.

LOL read the replies... You boys are so silly

 

[sexy.time]

hhhm, sounds like good advice.
and this is one topic im just dumbfounded about. i have tried both approaches and been fucked over either way.....i hate fuckin ex's.

 

[alleycat]

You know... Exs are exs for a reason. Leave them that way. LOL

 

[sexy.time]

Im glad to hear you think that. there are so many girls i know that would say "but i love him sooooo much" and forget all about the reason why they broke up, or any of the pain they were put through.

 

[alleycat]

You can only do that so many times until you wise up. Sounds like they have about 3 more years of burns to learn

 

[sexy.time]

yay, thankyou. you totally turned my view around on it. I dont feel like i screwed up by being honest. it was probably better than beating around the bush. theyr'e going to learn someway or another that it doesn't work. no amount of advice i can give will help them either. I guess i should just put them on the sidelines and try not to think about them. maybe someday i will hear from them again and be able to say i told you so.

 

[Tim]

I know this a question for the ladies, but I'm going to throw out a few questions to you.

After you got done spilling your guts to her on the phone, was it awkward as in you gave out TMI?
Being completely honest and giving out too much information to quickly are two different things. When you meet a girl for the first time, do you talk about your sexual exploits within the first 5 minutes? Why not? You are only being honest with her. There are times to and not to give out information in a relationship. Since you are not dating this girl and it seems that you are on a friendly basis, hearing about you ex's may have turned her off to you in some ways. Maybe not, but it sounded like she was looking for someone that she can talk to about her ex. This is where giving out TMI too quickly can bite you in the ass. She wanted to talk about her and have someone listen to her, but it ended up with you talking about your ex's. Now since I wasn't there and I didn't hear the entire conversation, I could be way off base. But I have learned that women don't want to know certain things about you even before you start dating... Some feelings and experiences are to be shared with a significant other and not a potential date.
Next time a woman wants to talk to you about her problems, you might want to give her your full attention and keep the conversation in her court. By being attentive and listening to her problems, you will be better appreciated.

just my 2 cents

 

[GraceAbounds]

Before I read everyone elses response I am going to add mine.
I think being completely open and honest is the best and only way to be. I also think that she has been completely honest with you also. If someone still has feelings for their ex, they arent ready for someone else. they wont be able to give you their undivided attention and thats unfair to both parties. Steer clear away as she has given you the warning signs. Regardless if she says lets try it, until she is completely honest with herself about being over the ex, its not gonna work.

LOL read the replies... You boys are so silly

Great post.

I agree with Tim on the TMI too soon point as well. I am guilty of that sometimes too.

 

[sexy.time]

I know this a question for the ladies, but I'm going to throw out a few questions to you.

After you got done spilling your guts to her on the phone, was it awkward as in you gave out TMI?
Being completely honest and giving out too much information to quickly are two different things. When you meet a girl for the first time, do you talk about your sexual exploits within the first 5 minutes? Why not? You are only being honest with her. There are times to and not to give out information in a relationship. Since you are not dating this girl and it seems that you are on a friendly basis, hearing about you ex's may have turned her off to you in some ways. Maybe not, but it sounded like she was looking for someone that she can talk to about her ex. This is where giving out TMI too quickly can bite you in the ass. She wanted to talk about her and have someone listen to her, but it ended up with you talking about your ex's. Now since I wasn't there and I didn't hear the entire conversation, I could be way off base. But I have learned that women don't want to know certain things about you even before you start dating... Some feelings and experiences are to be shared with a significant other and not a potential date.
Next time a woman wants to talk to you about her problems, you might want to give her your full attention and keep the conversation in her court. By being attentive and listening to her problems, you will be better appreciated.

just my 2 cents

we were talking over MSN. I know she didnt want to talk about her ex, she was just saying that she doesnt want a relationship anytime soon and that if it were up to her she would be back with him. You make alot of sense though. being honest and TMI are verry close. I do think i gave her to much information but oh well.