Open Relationships: Could you/Have you?

[HottyToddyChick]

I don't think it's a case of them not being satisfied with one another. I'm sure there's still satisfaction between the two of them; there's just outside satisfaction also.

I can also see how being with other people could help you grow as a person. I could never do it, but I can see it.

 

[sexysadie]

I don't think it's a case of them not being satisfied with one another. I'm sure there's still satisfaction between the two of them; there's just outside satisfaction also.

I can also see how being with other people could help you grow as a person. I could never do it, but I can see it.

Sorry doll, but if you can see it you can do it......that's the whole point, if you could see it then it would be a possiblity for you and yours....think to yourself exactly WHY it isn't one?

 

[freakofnature]

Sorry doll, but if you can see it you can do it......that's the whole point, if you could see it then it would be a possiblity for you and yours....think to yourself exactly WHY it isn't one?

I think your arguement is flawed. I could see how mushrooms could be edible but you will never catch me eating one. :yuk

 

[sexysadie]

Ok, I agree, we've all thought about the grass being greener and so on....but do we act on it? What would it mean to your marriage if either one of you had?

 

[All Else Failed]

I don't "get" open relationships.



and can we stop with this non-judgmental stuff everyone is judging each other.

 

[freakofnature]

Ok, I agree, we've all thought about the grass being greener and so on....but do we act on it? What would it mean to your marriage if either one of you had?

I think your problem is that you are looking at Butterfly's situation from your point of view. You keep looking at it like they are cheating on each other. Try understanding it from Butterfly's point of view. I have never sensed anything negative from her when she speaks of her marriage being open.

P.S. Understanding something doesn't mean you have to condone it. But trying to understand something is much more constructive then just condemning it.

 

[Butterfly]

:humm: Cheating implies dishonesty and secrecy. I don't think that applies in Butterfly's case. :dunno

Exactly. It isn't cheating if it is consensual.

No, that's BEAUTY not Marriage.....lol an open marriage is another term for desperate. I don't know any woman who's desperate enough to keep her man that she'd allow him to seek the pleasure he obviously no longer gets from her, from another woman. IMO, it's just some lame attempt at having your cake and eating it too.

Desperate hey?
You're thinking of this from your own perspective.
I am not agreeing to it simply to keep my man. It is a fundamental belief of my own that monogamy is a flawed system.
For what it's worth, I have actually had more external partners in our 10 years together than he has

Well, lets see...if she sleeps with another man, and she's married....yep, it does.

Not cheating... I have permission.

Anyway....this is NOT a debate it's a relationship question which went something like this...

Open Relationships: Could you/Have you?

I couldn't I haven't and that's all she wrote...lol

Not really

I think your problem is that you are looking at Butterfly's situation from your point of view. You keep looking at it like they are cheating on each other. Try understanding it from Butterfly's point of view. I have never sensed anything negative from her when she speaks of her marriage being open.

P.S. Understanding something doesn't mean you have to condone it. But trying to understand something is much more constructive then just condemning it.

Thank you!
One can't apply monogamous logic to a polyamorous relationship.

 

[retro]

He's already cheated on you, what's left to trust? When you make those vows to one person, laying down with another is the ultimate vow breaker. Like I said before, to each their own but I don't have to agree..

Ignorant

No, that's BEAUTY not Marriage.....lol an open marriage is another term for desperate. I don't know any woman who's desperate enough to keep her man that she'd allow him to seek the pleasure he obviously no longer gets from her, from another woman. IMO, it's just some lame attempt at having your cake and eating it too.

Willfully ignorant, and completely defamatory towards someone whose relationship you simply can't understand.

Well, lets see...if she sleeps with another man, and she's married....yep, it does.

Ignorant

Sorry doll, but if you can see it you can do it......that's the whole point, if you could see it then it would be a possiblity for you and yours....think to yourself exactly WHY it isn't one?

Ignorant once more.

Anyone see a pattern?

 

[Guyzerr]

Ignorant



Willfully ignorant, and completely defamatory towards someone whose relationship you simply can't understand.



Ignorant



Ignorant once more.

Anyone see a pattern?

Yup. I see you continually telling people how ignorant they are when you don't agree with what they have to say. It's getting old.

 

[Keight]

Now now boys can we play nice. I dont want to have my moderator pants on tonight i have a nice buzz thanks to a six pack of wild turkey and i really dont think being bitchy is going to help it.

Back to the original post.

Dont know.... i would give it a go thing is if he were getting more than me that might pose as a problem lol like he had set it up before it was considered kinda thing.

 

[HK]

Dont know.... i would give it a go thing is if he were getting more than me that might pose as a problem lol like he had set it up before it was considered kinda thing.

Ooh.... I hadn't thought about that, what it would be like if your partner actually met someone first and then decided the solution was an open relationship.

If that was the case and they'd never been that sort of person before they met this new flame, I'd probably question whether they were really into an open relationship in general, or if they just wanted a free pass to fuck some other chick. Whereas if I met a guy who told me right off the bat he preferred it open, I wouldn't feel like he was specifically looking to have his cake and eat it.

 

[Butterfly]

Ooh.... I hadn't thought about that, what it would be like if your partner actually met someone first and then decided the solution was an open relationship.

If that was the case and they'd never been that sort of person before they met this new flame, I'd probably question whether they were really into an open relationship in general, or if they just wanted a free pass to fuck some other chick. Whereas if I met a guy who told me right off the bat he preferred it open, I wouldn't feel like he was specifically looking to have his cake and eat it.

That is a very valid point. And in essence it sets the whole thing up for failure, because what is meant to be based on trust, is based on deception. It could well be doomed from the start.

The unfortunate reality is that many open marriages DO start out this way. Some even start after a cheating partner has been caught. That doesn't sit right with me, and unfortunately it's cases like these that give the whole polyamorous group a bad reputation.

 

[sexysadie]

Of course I'm looking at this from my own perspective, that's what the title was asking us to do, am I wrong? ....lol...please, it's getting so typical of some members here to automatically attack another member who has a different opinion, it's no wonder certain members here tend to hold back.

Anyway, moving on to the topic at hand.....

Truth is, we're all human and with that comes the tendancy to feel jealousy. I know that couples who have open marriages say that they don't get jealous but how is this possible? If anything I'd say that they experience the jealousy bug a lot more than couples in monogamous relationships do.......or at least they should, if not, then I'm sorry but I'd have to question their love for one another. That all being said, I'm not judging Butterfly as a person, I'm not judging anybody, I'm just expressing my views on the subject at hand.....that's it.

 

[sexysadie]

Yup. I see you continually telling people how ignorant they are when you don't agree with what they have to say. It's getting old.

It most definately is Guyzerr, thank you.

 

[sexysadie]

Exactly. It isn't cheating if it is consensual.



Desperate hey?
You're thinking of this from your own perspective.
I am not agreeing to it simply to keep my man. It is a fundamental belief of my own that monogamy is a flawed system.
For what it's worth, I have actually had more external partners in our 10 years together than he has



Not cheating... I have permission.



Not really



Thank you!
One can't apply monogamous logic to a polyamorous relationship.

One question....was all of this written in your marriage vows? Just curious.

 

[sexysadie]

I don't "get" open relationships.



and can we stop with this non-judgmental stuff everyone is judging each other.

You're right, of course....I'm sorry Butterfly, I didn't mean to judge you, I was merely being honest.

On that note I'm done with this thread.

 

[HK]

Truth is, we're all human and with that comes the tendancy to feel jealousy. I know that couples who have open marriages say that they don't get jealous but how is this possible? If anything I'd say that they experience the jealousy bug a lot more than couples in monogamous relationships do.......or at least they should, if not, then I'm sorry but I'd have to question their love for one another. That all being said, I'm not judging Butterfly as a person, I'm not judging anybody, I'm just expressing my views on the subject at hand.....that's it.

You're using your own feelings to define what Butterfly and her husband must feel though. People would never have happy open relationships that go on for years and years if it wasn't possible to simply trust your partner and be happy with the idea that both of you can meet other people and explore those possibilities.

Just because it's not something we could do does not mean nobody else is capable of it. There are lots of differences between humans - no one can say 'all humans must feel jealousy in this situation'.

 

[AstriaPorta]

if both want the same and are happy and talk about it from the start i see no cheating on this ..

not something for everyone but i guess this work for some people

anyway cheating to different people can have different levels some may consider cheating just looking at porn on the net some say have to be physical contact other will say even talking to someone can be cheating if the partner don't know .. and many more so really what does it matter if the couple are happy what they doing then no problem and nothing wrong..


now to answer about me i don't know... how my marriage is i can not really say what i think

 

[HottyToddyChick]

Sorry doll, but if you can see it you can do it......that's the whole point, if you could see it then it would be a possiblity for you and yours....think to yourself exactly WHY it isn't one?

I know you said you were done, but I feel like I should answer you.

Just because I can see how it works doesn't mean I can actually follow the same concept. I'm far too jealous of a person to be able to do that. I also know how my husband processes emotions and sex, and I think it would be disastrous for us. Actually, more like I think my self-esteem would take a major toll. But that's just me. I'm kind of selfish with my husband.


And Butterfly- I saw it mentioned, and I had already thought about it, but how did your marriage vows go? Did you just leave out the "faithful" part and swap it for "complete trust and honesty"?

 

[Butterfly]

And Butterfly- I saw it mentioned, and I had already thought about it, but how did your marriage vows go? Did you just leave out the "faithful" part and swap it for "complete trust and honesty"?

I'll answer you... I'm done trying to speak to Sadie in any logic manner.

We are not 'unfaithful'... so there is no reason to leave that off. Unfaithful to me, implies cheating... this is not the case.

Furthermore, we did have a civil ceremony, which is the standard vow set.
However, our religious ceremony was a Pagan Handfasting... We promised to "be truthful and loyal" and to remain together "for as long as love shall last."... none of that death do us part stuff.