Open Relationships: Could you/Have you?

[HottyToddyChick]

I have another question- was your relationship open before you got married? If it was, what made y'all decide to marry each other? Like, how did you decide you were each other's number one?

 

[retro]

This case isn't the definition of marriage any rational person would define. Marriage is between two people who love and trust one another. Not between a man and a dog. Not between an adult and a child. Not between a man, a woman and another man and another woman. It's becoming accepted to be a joining of a man and another man or a woman and another woman. The definition always states between "2" people. I don't agree with anything other than that definition. One can have a relationship with multiple partners, but that's not a marriage by any stretch of the definition. In fact, anything else is an insult to two, truly committed, married persons.

Sounds like it's a perfectly acceptable marriage to me. They love and trust each other. The marriage isn't between them and other people, it's between them, and they've made a choice to do things differently than other people. Nothing in what butterfly has stated tells me that they're not two truly committed and married people. Your inability to understand the nature of their relationship and decisions doesn't mean that it's any less of a committed marriage than any other.

 

[retro]

No, you stated that you love and trust multiple partners. Marriage implies love between two people, exclusively.

Loving and trusting your spouse isn't mutually exclusive with loving and trusting other people. Just because some of their friendships go beyond what would normally be expected doesn't make it any less valid.

 

[Butterfly]

I have another question- was your relationship open before you got married? If it was, what made y'all decide to marry each other? Like, how did you decide you were each other's number one?

It wasn't specifically open, but we had never really even discussed it. Even if it was open at that point, we would have gotten married. A legal marriage makes many things like insurance, taxes, etc much easier for a couple. We planned to have children together, so once again, being married makes it simpler when it comes to registering the children and parental rights over the kids.

(I'm not sure what it's like in the US, but here if the child has their mother's surname, and the parents do eventually marry, the father has to go through a legal adoption of his own child for it to take his name. Also, back then single fathers had next to no rights to their children, not even a legal right to visitation. It has changed a bit in the last few years, but they still don't have massive rights to their kids)

So, given those reasons, and the fact that we are committed to remain the 'primary' relationship, marriage made/makes sense to us.

 

[brieze]

Sounds like it's a perfectly acceptable marriage to me. They love and trust each other. The marriage isn't between them and other people, it's between them, and they've made a choice to do things differently than other people. Nothing in what butterfly has stated tells me that they're not two truly committed and married people. Your inability to understand the nature of their relationship and decisions doesn't mean that it's any less of a committed marriage than any other.

:homo::homo:

 

[Tangerine]

LOL at people defending the sacred institution of marriage. So sacred it has a nearly 70% failure rate.

 

[brieze]

LOL at people defending the sacred institution of marriage. So sacred it has a nearly 70% failure rate.

Yes, everyone should have the chance for a divorce =p

EQUALITY FOR ALL!

 

[Peter Parka]

Personally I think that if you believe than if anyone elses definition somehow effects how your marriage is seen, it shows more problems with your marriage than anyone elses.
I'm perfectly secure in my marriage and I dont see how people having open marriage, marrying a cat, dog or a lump of concrete would make my marriage any different.

 

[freakofnature]

LOL at people defending the sacred institution of marriage. So sacred it has a nearly 70% failure rate.

Did you read my debate with Sam?
http://www.offtopicz.net/showthread.php?t=72665

 

[hart]

Nobody asked me specifically, but Joe and I do NOT swing separately, though when we go to a swinger's campout we might with have sex w/a former partner. We tell each other everything. I think a lot of couples feel sex between partners gets spicer when one hears about the other's experience. And you know what's funny? Joe is Catholic as all his family is, and we found out accidently that about 4 of his brothers and sisters swing! They are all happily married too.....life can be very ironic.

 

[sexysadie]

I see it as a marriage *shrugs*

Do you really? What's your definition of marriage brieze? YOUR definition, what YOU think a marriage should be based on. Ya know, you can disagree with somebody without judging them...it's ok.

 

[Guyzerr]

LOL at people defending the sacred institution of marriage. So sacred it has a nearly 70% failure rate.

You forgot to mention that's within the first 5 years.

 

[brieze]

Do you really? What's your definition of marriage brieze? YOUR definition, what YOU think a marriage should be based on. Ya know, you can disagree with somebody without judging them...it's ok.

I don't believe there is a definition for marriage to give. It's like a recipe in my world, everyone has their own variations to suit their tastes.

 

[sexysadie]

I'm only legally married to one person... that makes us TWO. And we LOVE and TRUST eachother. Sounds like marriage to me :24::24:

He's already cheated on you, what's left to trust? When you make those vows to one person, laying down with another is the ultimate vow breaker. Like I said before, to each their own but I don't have to agree..

 

[sexysadie]

I don't believe there is a definition for marriage to give. It's like a recipe in my world, everyone has their own variations to suit their tastes.

You mean to suit their lifestyles...lol. oh, and yes there most definately IS a definition of marriage.....look it up.

 

[brieze]

Which definition? Dictionary, church, real world.. I'm trying to say, I think marriage is in the eye of the beholder, or eyes.

 

[freakofnature]

He's already cheated on you, what's left to trust? When you make those vows to one person, laying down with another is the ultimate vow breaker. Like I said before, to each their own but I don't have to agree..

:humm: Cheating implies dishonesty and secrecy. I don't think that applies in Butterfly's case. :dunno

 

[sexysadie]

Which definition? Dictionary, church, real world.. I'm trying to say, I think marriage is in the eye of the beholder, or eyes.

No, that's BEAUTY not Marriage.....lol an open marriage is another term for desperate. I don't know any woman who's desperate enough to keep her man that she'd allow him to seek the pleasure he obviously no longer gets from her, from another woman. IMO, it's just some lame attempt at having your cake and eating it too.

 

[sexysadie]

:humm: Cheating implies dishonesty and secrecy. I don't think that applies in Butterfly's case. :dunno

Well, lets see...if she sleeps with another man, and she's married....yep, it does.

 

[sexysadie]

Anyway....this is NOT a debate it's a relationship question which went something like this...

Open Relationships: Could you/Have you?

I couldn't I haven't and that's all she wrote...lol