My Poetry in-class assignment

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mhtal3at

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Th Poetry professor asked us to write an IMAGE that starts with "Looking to the sky" I didn't actually write a sort of an image but ... I really need you guys to criticize my poem...



Tight



Watching stars through a telescope
with my love,
To be inspired, go on and cope, by the silver stars above
We never wanted to lose hope
My love is what I want to be thinking of

She looked at me,
stare is more like it
feelings aroused inside me
as much as I like it.
Stars reflected in her eye
telling me, "Lovers do meet in the sky."

Traveling, we decided, direction is up
on the next flight
we turned out to be dreaming, and I woke up
to find me holding my love very tight.
 
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Mad Paul

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The last 2 stanzas are very good, the first one isn't quite so poetic. I'm no expert, but I think you should try to make it less generic and more personal. I like it though, good job :D
 

Mad Paul

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Well, maybe try a different approach to the poem and keep the subject, does it HAVE to rhyme? You're fairly limited with words when rhyming is concerned and it's easy to make it sound like Dr Suess, if you're allowed more freedom then I think you should take it.
 
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