My mystery story

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SammyStephens

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Wow, great use in description and detail!! The intro is both gripping and haunting in it's own way.

Will you post all 8 series? If so, I can't wait. Very good stuff! :clap
 
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Leah Love

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Wow, great use in description and detail!! The intro is both gripping and haunting in it's own way.

Will you post all 8 series? If so, I can't wait. Very good stuff! :clap

Thank you *blush*:)

LoL There are not 8 series, but 8 scenes in the story. Go count, I posted all 8 scenes ;)
 

Leah Love

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its a pretty good story!

Thank you :)

That story is very good! Keep it up! Is there anymore short stories you wrote? :D

I try my best and yes I have other short stories, but most of them are not finished. Uni. takes away most of my time.... and OTz of course ;)

Leah, it's great! I agree with everyone else - send it in to be published. Fantastic job. :clap

Thank you. Glad you likes it :)

Wow I love it LL...


Nice to see more work from you I've missed your work. :)

Thank you Daz. I appreciate it, very much so :)
 

Leah Love

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So, I thought I'd post the very first version I wrote of this mystery story... It is horrible, but I still keep it and read it from time to time to remind me, that with practice I'll get better and better :)
 

Leah Love

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It was a warm and sunny afternoon, with a light breeze dancing between the trees. It was a perfect day.

“Perfect” she mumbled as she stood in front of the opened balcony doors and let the light breeze and warm sunshine caress her naked flesh. Her lover had just left and she didn’t have the time to dress, not that it mattered. She could be naked in her apartment if she wanted, right?

Suddenly the door was slammed open and two black figures appeared in the doorway.
‘Shit! That’s not good!’

--

The two men stood frozen in the doorway, their eyes fixed on the woman in front of them. They were surprised to find her in the state she was. Naked. But hey, they sure won’t complain about it.

The young woman’s long, raven hair flowed down her back. Her chocolate eyes were widened in shock, her full lips opened in a silent gasp. Her sumptuous bosoms were rising and falling with her every breath. Her hands clinched in fists and her long, gorgeous legs glued to the ground.

She was so shocked that she couldn’t cover herself.

Some awkward moments passed in silence till the two men made a move.

As breath tacking the sight was they didn’t come here to stare. They had a job to do, and they will.

--

“Do you recognize this woman, sir?” the police officer asked.

Cortez shook his head at the picture that was shown to him. Even in death was Julia beautiful. How could this happen? How dare they kill the godfather’s girlfriend?!

He didn’t have to guess to whose hands his girlfriend’s blood sticks.

‘Moralez’

What an arrogant and impossible way to let him know that the deal between them was dead. The green grass in Julia’s mouth made it clear that they wanted to warn him about the drugs.

Their action won’t be left unanswered. Moralez doesn’t have a girlfriend so one of his men has to do. Hopefully it will make them understand that no one, absolutely no one masses with Cortez.

--

It was summer and almost everyone went away for his or her vacation, so no one really noticed the more recently appearing dead bodies.

First only smell fish got killed, but soon enough the people with more influence got their turn. The war between the two families seemed to never end. Soon the only survivors where the two godfathers, Cortez and Moralez.

--

The encounter of the two was like taken out of and old style western movie. They stood in a lonely street facing each other and gripping their guns. They came prepared.

The showdown was nothing impressive or worth seeing. The both of them got shot. Moralez received a mortal wound and was dead in the minute the bullet hit his body. Cortez’s wound on the other hand wasn’t so drastic and thanks to the medical treatment he died there, too. The doc was a friend of the enemy.

--

Summer passed and the people returned from their holidays. Life returned to it’s normal pace; people went to work, children to school. No one noticed that during the time they weren’t here organized crime had stopped almost completely.

--

“This went better then excepted! The entire clan in two months! Amazing! Some more ideas of yours David, and the whole police office can retire!”

“Thanks for the praise chief… It was nothing really…”

“Oh are we getting modest, mister super-police-officer?” the chief said with a smile “Now seriously. Did you kill that girl?”

“Com on chief! Do you think that low of me! Of course not. She is in prison for about half an hour more and then she’s free like a little bird.”

“We arrested her and took her in for some questioning and kept her in, but not before making some artistic pictures. Of course we paid her well…” David said with a smirk “And now if you excuse me. I have a date with a gorgeous little bird.”
 

Leah Love

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ummm I wouldnt say horrible youre your own worst critic

This was one of the first things I wrote, and it is a couple years old. I have long since passed this level of writing, but I like to remind myself from where I started.

Besides, no writer is satisfied with their work. I could edit every single one till I drop and still find something that doesn't feel right LoL
 
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