marriage...

[BreakfastSurreal]

Matt and I have been living together for the past 2.5 years...I am ready to get married and he always says we will but never wants to set a date or even get engaged...I know I am ready...and I think he is also, he just doesn't want to go through with the hassle of a wedding I think. How do I push the issue without being a demanding bitch? lol

 

[OUZBnd]

have a conversation with him about it and your future together, tell him exactly what you just told us

 

[BreakfastSurreal]

heh...i have already done that. I've been talking to him about it for about the past year. I'm just tired of waiting...but then again i have it good where I am...so I don't want to throw him an ultimatum.

 

[Homer]

turn it into a vacation like get married on the way to Orlando FL .

 

[robedwards99]

Stop pushing him and be happy in the fact he likes being with you without the need of a piece of paper saying that he likes being with you.

 

[lemon]

Matt and I have been living together for the past 2.5 years...I am ready to get married and he always says we will but never wants to set a date or even get engaged...I know I am ready...and I think he is also, he just doesn't want to go through with the hassle of a wedding I think. How do I push the issue without being a demanding bitch? lol

here ya go:

" i dont want to be a demanding bitch. so lets get married. "

 

[peppermint]

Stop having sex with him, and tell him you're saving it for the wedding night. He'll either break up with you, or propose. Either way, you'll get what he planned on doing, but didn't have the guts to do before.

 

[Maritxu]

Matt and I have been living together for the past 2.5 years...I am ready to get married and he always says we will but never wants to set a date or even get engaged...I know I am ready...and I think he is also, he just doesn't want to go through with the hassle of a wedding I think. How do I push the issue without being a demanding bitch? lol

I feel exactly the same way. We have been together for more than 4 years now, 3 years living under the same roof. He says he wants to marry me, but he never thakes the step. I don't know why... He knows I'll say yes.

 

[Maritxu]

Stop having sex with him, and tell him you're saving it for the wedding night. He'll either break up with you, or propose. Either way, you'll get what he planned on doing, but didn't have the guts to do before.

That's a good advice, but what's about the woman's needs?

 

[BreakfastSurreal]

I feel exactly the same way. We have been together for more than 4 years now, 3 years living under the same roof. He says he wants to marry me, but he never thakes the step. I don't know why... He knows I'll say yes.

my uncle always told me "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?" I think maybe are bf's are living by this horrid mantra...

and the sex thing...well he isn't like most guys...sex isn't as important to him as it is to other men...in other words I wear the pants in the relationship when it comes to sex, you'd be punishing me and not him if you took the sex away lol. Now if I took his 42 inch wide screen lcd tv....oh he'd be livid!

I think maybe the problem is that I gave him too much too soon. I knew the moment I met him that he was the one...I didn't try and rush things, but in the back of my mind I knew..and I never had any reservations about doing whatever he wanted me to, because I knew everything would all work out in the end.

It just kinda hurts my feelings that he isn't excited about getting married like I am...I don't think we're rushing things at all...I mean hell he already has a car that he paid for that is in my name...why not make it official and at least get some tax benefits? I'm just trying to think of some things that would at least make getting married sound a little better.

And whoever mentioned running off to Orlando....our best friends did that...a week before they got married they decided they should actually get married, and they ran to the JP and then off to Disney World for 5 days...I've given him that option also.

 

[Maritxu]

maybe you are right, even though I never thought that would be the case. He really speaks about marrying with me a lot of times and even about starting a family together, but I feel as though he thinks the actual proposal can wait. I have been thinking about proposing myself!

 

[BreakfastSurreal]

maybe you are right, even though I never thought that would be the case. He really speaks about marrying with me a lot of times and even about starting a family together, but I feel as though he thinks the actual proposal can wait. I have been thinking about proposing myself!

haha well i am traditional enough to think that he should be the one to propose to me...he is traditional in that sense also, and i think if i proposed to him he'd just give me a look like i was crazy and say no, because he thinks that is the man's job. Mine also talks about "someday when we're married..." a lot or "someday our kids are going to..."...I don't think he is afraid of being married I think he just doesn't want to GET married.

We got into a fight a few months ago, and before I would come back in the house I wrote him a letter, it had 7 or 8 things that I had a problem with that I needed him to do for me...one of them was "if things go well for the next few months, I want to get married. I have waited for you, and waited for you, and I am tired of waiting. If you really love me and want to get married, then why do we keep putting it off? Please respect the fact that this is somehting I need to feel like we are progressing in our relationship, and this is the next step for us."

He has been an absolute ANGEL since then...fixed everything I had a problem with, which honestly I seriously doubted it would be this easy...so I don't wanna totally jump all over his ass about getting married, because he has been sooo good to me....I think if I asked him about it again we'd just get into another one of those "nothing that I do is good enough, you can never be satisfied with anything I do for you without wanting somehting more" fights...in other words he'll think I don't appreciate everything else he is doing...which is completely untrue..I tell him every day I love how he is being. So yeah that's another reason I don't wanna push it...not quite yet at least...I am enjoying his good behavior

 

[Maritxu]

yeah I understand. It's true that we should not put them under preasure, we should let them do it when it truly comes from their hearts... But is hard!
I also want him to propose. I am ver open minded and modern in a lot of things but not in marriage. I want it to be romantic and no so expected. I want the most traditional wedding ever too. No wonder why he says I am complicated! LOL!

 

[BreakfastSurreal]

I used to want something very traditional...I was almost appalled when I found out he wasn't going to at least ask my dad first...but there really is no reason to, because I know my parents won't pay a dime for our wedding, and don't really respect us like they should...they have kinda screwed us over in the past (i wont get into how they left us here during the hurricane last year when my car wouldn't start...wouldn't even let me borrow their extra cell phone)...anyways, so I'm not so picky about him asking for my hand anymore.. My only thing I want is a nice reception, and an awesome dress, and a yummy cake, a good phtographer, and some alcohol. I don't care anymore if I don't have a 300 person wedding, now it could be 20 people and I'd still have the time of my life. I look forward to the wedding because I am going to love all that attention on my special day, and...well I've never had a special day like that with all the people I love around...I haven't even ahd a birthday party since I was 12...I just want to feel like a princess for one day. That's why the wedding part is important to me. And I want to make it memorable so I can tell my kids about it.

 

[sharpies]

It takes guys a lot longer to accept that marriage is the next step & even then there is no way he will ever be as excited about it as you are. It doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't want to get married, sometimes you just have to give him more time to accept the inevitable.

Maybe the best way is to have a chat & just tell him that you want a spring wedding (or whatever) & that March, 2008 (or whatever) looks good.

This will give him a target & start a certain chain of inevitability, but be warned there are still 2 possible outcomes & you may not like the one where he goes.

Allan

 

[BreakfastSurreal]

It takes guys a lot longer to accept that marriage is the next step & even then there is no way he will ever be as excited about it as you are. It doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't want to get married, sometimes you just have to give him more time to accept the inevitable.

Maybe the best way is to have a chat & just tell him that you want a spring wedding (or whatever) & that March, 2008 (or whatever) looks good.

This will give him a target & start a certain chain of inevitability, but be warned there are still 2 possible outcomes & you may not like the one where he goes.

Allan

see, and i understand that which is why i am fine with not setting any kind of definite date...ALL I WANT IS A FREAKING RING right now! just that "ok, were going to get married, im not sure when, but we are going to for sure in the future" gesture. I'd be satisfied with that. He will take me to look at rings maybe once a year, and I'll get all excited, but he isn't the kind of person to go in and buy in the same day, and of course we never end up going back to get a ring...it's like what he has to do to pacify me and make me shut up about it for a little while.

 

[Homer]

i hope all you're dreams come true , and i'm sorry to hear about you're parents not trying to help you out , that was a nasty storm.

 

[Peter Parka]

I think the most important thing here is whether he loves you or not and Marriage isn't really the clearest indicator of this, Elizibeth Taylor anyone??? I think a lot of people are put off weddings because it's a very stressful time and causes so many arguements. The most important thing to remember is this is YOUR day and not any friends or relatives. So sit down with your boyfriend and honestly discuss how both of you want to do this and don't bow to any pressure from anyone else as to how you should get married!

 

[OUZBnd]

It took me 6 1/2 years to ask my fiance to marry me. I always said I was not going to get married until I finished schooling. Maybe he has similar reasons? If things are working good for you then just play it by year, why try to force him into it when you may only be forcing him away. I was getting all kinds of pressure from her and her family and everyone else I knew, but you know what, it didn't make one bit of difference. I knew I was going to ask her, and I knew i was going to do it when I was ready. Its the one thing about marriage that the guy has control of, so dont take it away from us .

 

[BreakfastSurreal]

he has no other reason that I can think of or that he has told me why he wouldn't want to get married. But even if I look at it from a man's point of view, it makes more sense. For one, I'm in school and not working...he could claim me on his taxes and not have to pay the government as much every year...for two, I refuse to buy a house with him until we are at least engaged...I don't want to put my name beside his on that big of a purchase without some sort of formal committment from him...I just think that would be stupid. I guess to me marriage is a guarantee that yes he loves me and yes he wants to be with me forever...and him putting off marriage makes me question whether or not that is really true...I'm not in a huge rush...if he had a legitimate reason I would be fine with waiting...but he can't tell me one reason why he wants to wait...