Lying To Your Family

[Dreek Lass]

My mother is a care assistant, and she goes into old people's houses and takes care of them when they are unable to take care of themselves. These are senior people that are disabled, people that have mental illnesses. Lots of different scenarios.

Anyway, the other night she went into a couple. She went in for the wife, who is disabled, but her husband lives with her and he has more of his faculties than the wife did. But still not enough to take care of his wife, hence why my mother was there in the first place. Anywho, the husband ended up talking to my mother whilst she took care of his wife, and he told my mom that his mother died from cancer, and that his mother had not said anything to him or her family for months. Then when she finally went to get a medical with a few members of her family, the doctor asked her for an update on her cancer. So obviously she had been keeping the cancer from her close family. Then as soon as they went get her treatment, she died.

Do you think that it is wrong to keep terminal illness from your close family?

 

[ReadmeByAmy]

Sometimes the reason why some people hide their terminal illnesses from their families for reasons they do not want them to worry and to be financially have burdens about it. But on the other hand for me I think it is just right that I will let my family knows about it so that I will still have time to bond with them for the last days of my life and they can prepare themselves and accept wholeheartedly my illness and my passing away..And for myself I don't want them to be grieving at an instant surprise and I think it will be more painful for them if it is like that..

 

[drkn335]

I think that if it was me I would honestly not tell my family because I would not want them to suffer and be upset for the last few months of my life and I think they would suffer more if I told them beforehand than if it just happened. I understand that that sounds pretty cruel, but I just think it would be better that way.

 

[Joe the meek]

I can see reasons for hiding a terminal illness from close family members, that said, if you KNOW you're going to die, you darn well better take care of your affairs so those family members won't have to.

 

[Josie]

At an old age, I would consider it. If it's cancer, I don't want chemo and I know my family would spend the rest of my time trying to talk me into it. That's not how I want my last days. They would spend it frustrated and sad and angry. There's no changing my mind on that though, so why put all of us through that when soon enough, I won't exist anymore and they'll regret how they spent their last days with me. I'd make it as positive and happy for them as I could.. and they would likely be angry for a bit after I die, for my decision, but I'm hoping they'd move on from that.. maybe I'd write before I die, explaining my thoughts and begging their forgiveness.. but they were my very last days; they have many more to come to grips with what happened.

If I were to be diagnosed right now, I would tell them. At a young age, it's not expected.. it would knock them off their feet if I just suddenly died or suddenly became too sick for treatment. They deserve to weigh in as I'm still an every day factor in their lives.. my life is as much theirs as it is my own and I would want them all somewhat prepared for this unexpected, life altering thing. At an old age, that's just not what it is; as unexpected and painful as it still may be.

 

[Dreek Lass]

Sometimes the reason why some people hide their terminal illnesses from their families for reasons they do not want them to worry and to be financially have burdens about it. But on the other hand for me I think it is just right that I will let my family knows about it so that I will still have time to bond with them for the last days of my life and they can prepare themselves and accept wholeheartedly my illness and my passing away..And for myself I don't want them to be grieving at an instant surprise and I think it will be more painful for them if it is like that..

I hadn't even thought about the financial aspect of this, and the reason that I neglected to consider this aspect is because I live in the UK, and we have a health care system that is paid for by the tax system, where as in places like America, one has to pay for treatment themselves - which I will ALWAYS think is cold and callous. Who the hells is going to want to worry about finding the money to pay for treating your illness when they are ill and in pain? It is just cold, in my opinion.

I agree; if you tell your family, they can cherish their time with you just that little bit more. There would be some resentment if you didn't tell them.

 

[Josie]

I hadn't even thought about the financial aspect of this, and the reason that I neglected to consider this aspect is because I live in the UK, and we have a health care system that is paid for by the tax system, where as in places like America, one has to pay for treatment themselves - which I will ALWAYS think is cold and callous. Who the hells is going to want to worry about finding the money to pay for treating your illness when they are ill and in pain? It is just cold, in my opinion.

I agree; if you tell your family, they can cherish their time with you just that little bit more. There would be some resentment if you didn't tell them.

It's "free" in Canada as well, but I'm seeing many left to die from things the government refuses to cover.

 

[WiccanWitch]

I'm with Josie on that as I'm also in Canada.

My opinion on keeping a terminal illness to myself: It depends on the person, the individual situation, the family, age, what the terminal illness is, etc. It depends on a lot of things.
Personally, no. I wouldn't keep it to myself, at least not at this point. I'm 28, I have two 5 year old kids. I need to make sure they're taken care of and can try to get a head start understanding what is about to happen in their lives. It's a hard situation, but I also know for me, being insanely emotional as is, I wouldn't be able to sit here and keep it to myself, regardless of children. I would need the support, the company, the love. I would want to make good memories with me for other people. Mostly though, it's about my kids, at any age. I would need them to know how much I loved them. I would need a lot of pictures taken as well.

 

[Trellum]

I think everyone is free to do whatever they want as long as they harm nobody. That being said, no, I don't blame that woman at all. If you've ever had a serious disease, then you will totally get what I meant. Some people who are diagonsed with terminal diseases are actually afraid of getting a treatment for it... specially cancer. The chemotheraphy is far worse than the cancer itself sometimes... it ruins your life and sometimes it doesn't even work. So I really respect this woman decision for not telling anybody, she knew they'd make her get a ''treatment'' and she'd die soon enough. Sometimes all you want after hearing a diagnosis like that is forget and pretend you never heard that... just live a normal life like you normally would!