Losing friends and family over time

[Alien Allen]

During some soul sessions over the last year or so I came to the realization that just about every friend I developed over time has moved away.

I know we are supposed to accept that and gain new friends over time to replace the old ones but I don't see that on the horizon. I think having to grow up in the environment I did with no neighbors it hardened me towards making friends as once I had a good friend there was always something that took them away. Most of them moved out of town. Others lived far enough away they went to other schools. When I started putting together a list of all those people it was extensive. Or it seems that way to me anyway.

I guess this is why I call myself the Prick. It has made me a cold person to get to know. I have many acquantances which they probably think of me as a friend but none are people I can compare to those friends I grew up with and lost. The worst being my very best friend thru high school and into our mid 40's. He finally married and moved up north. Became a born again and I hardly ever hear from him. We were like brothers but that seems like an eon ago now.

Anybody else got some sob stories they want to add?

 

[pjbleek]

During some soul sessions over the last year or so I came to the realization that just about every friend I developed over time has moved away.

I know we are supposed to accept that and gain new friends over time to replace the old ones but I don't see that on the horizon. I think having to grow up in the environment I did with no neighbors it hardened me towards making friends as once I had a good friend there was always something that took them away. Most of them moved out of town. Others lived far enough away they went to other schools. When I started putting together a list of all those people it was extensive. Or it seems that way to me anyway.

I guess this is why I call myself the Prick. It has made me a cold person to get to know. I have many acquantances which they probably think of me as a friend but none are people I can compare to those friends I grew up with and lost. The worst being my very best friend thru high school and into our mid 40's. He finally married and moved up north. Became a born again and I hardly ever hear from him. We were like brothers but that seems like an eon ago now.

Anybody else got some sob stories they want to add?

did his choice in becoming a Born again really change him? Friendships shouldn't be based on what religion one is (respect the religion and their views) but if you were friends in the past makes you wonder what part of his life he wants to block out?

 

[HK]

I'm very much the same in some respects. I have a lot of acquaintances, but hardly anyone that I would class as a best friend, and especially not in real life. I have two friends that I refer to as my best friends, but it's not the sort of friendship you imagine, sharing everything and phoning each other all the time. We meet up every few months, that's all.


These days, there are more people that I've never even met that I'd rather talk to :ninja at first it bothered me that a lot of my friends are online, but now I can't seem to worry about it. At least it's easier to keep in touch

 

[Alien Allen]

did his choice in becoming a Born again really change him? Friendships shouldn't be based on what religion one is (respect the religion and their views) but if you were friends in the past makes you wonder what part of his life he wants to block out?

Hard to explain but yes it did change him a bit. It is almost like he is running away from his past. Not that he had anything to be ashamed of. When we do get together things are normal. I just guess the part that changed is we were constantly around each other. Even when I married we always would get together. So for him to never call or email tells me he is distancing himself from our past. Like I said we were like brothers. Closer than with our actual brothers.

 

[pjbleek]

Hard to explain but yes it did change him a bit. It is almost like he is running away from his past. Not that he had anything to be ashamed of. When we do get together things are normal. I just guess the part that changed is we were constantly around each other. Even when I married we always would get together. So for him to never call or email tells me he is distancing himself from our past. Like I said we were like brothers. Closer than with our actual brothers.

sounds like he wants to shut that door, too bad, I had the same thing with a childhood friend, we just slipped away...when my mother passed away I called his house and got his answering machine never returned the call. Did see him earlier that year when a mutual neighbor passed away...

 

[Panacea]

I've always been a boyfriend girl, and for that reason, never really made a ton of friends past high school. I haven't had a close friend who wasn't a boyfriend SINCE high school. It sucks, and my family has broken apart. My aunt and uncle divorced and the whole family stopped meeting up...it's just been sad. Deaths and drug use and people fighting...I worry often about loneliness and my future...I don't want kids but I feel I'm signing on to a life of loneliness, and it would become much harder to make friends. Who knows.

 

[cam elle toe]

Family I have lost, friends..I haven't thankfully. I have lots of friends and acquaintances...and in that group, 3 are very close, and one is my besty/sister and has been for over 40 years.

Its sad so many these days only have online "friends". .perhaps its why a lot of the younger generation I come across are so anti social and shallow.

Although, the majority do have 500 Facebook friends, so they must be popular

 

[dancingpotato]

I have 2 best friends who are my best friends. I share pretty much everything with them, although tell one some things and not the other and vice versa. One I have known 3 years who is my wifey, we live together (only for another 4.5 weeks) and work together (for another 2 days) and then she is moving to Abu Dhabi for the next 2 years at least.

The other I have known since I was 12, I am now 25. She knows me inside out and back to front. She is the only one I will let say anything bad about my family (if I fall out with my ma or that) and likewise me with her (her mother is a fruit loop and we have many a discussion about it). I am really close to her 19 month old daughter and consider her my niece. I get called Auntie.

Other friends of mine are constantly fighting with each other and are in competitions on who earns most, who has more kids, blah blah blah.

I have some friends online who I talk to frequently, we are meeting up in Feb. Not sure how that one is gonna go....15 girls...

 

[hart]

Is it a man thing? My hubby Joe is the friendliest guy ever. People all like him. And yet, he has not friends. I don't understand it at all, really. Me I have several friends. My cousin in my best friend and I have a male friend I talk to a lot-he's someone at work I talk to about Joe to get a male prespective.

I also have several other female friends I've known for years. Some across the country, some work friends. I have one high school friend I talk to time to time but really we don't have anything in common but remembered old times-she does most of the reaching out.

I find a lot of the way I keep friendships is e-mail. I send jokes, and items of interest to my friends and they me. Do you ever e-mail your friends?

 

[dancingpotato]

I am forever texting my friends, I think I must be really annoying to other people. I have 3 friends I talk to pretty much daily by text.

 

[NoDak]

Hard to explain but yes it did change him a bit. It is almost like he is running away from his past. Not that he had anything to be ashamed of. When we do get together things are normal. I just guess the part that changed is we were constantly around each other. Even when I married we always would get together. So for him to never call or email tells me he is distancing himself from our past. Like I said we were like brothers. Closer than with our actual brothers.

Could it be it his new wife who has closed doors? Some folks are like that with spouses or significant others. Sad, but it happens.

 

[Alien Allen]

Could it be it his new wife who has closed doors? Some folks are like that with spouses or significant others. Sad, but it happens.

I have no doubt that is a big part. Except for one girl he dated back years ago anytime he got involved he would shut us out. Almost like he was ashamed to be associated. We did a lot of stuff. Partied a lot. Not drugs other than pot. Mainly drinking. I guess I should never be surprised about people changing. I thought I was a good read of people but that is not the case it appears.

 

[Panacea]

Family I have lost, friends..I haven't thankfully. I have lots of friends and acquaintances...and in that group, 3 are very close, and one is my besty/sister and has been for over 40 years.

Its sad so many these days only have online "friends". .perhaps its why a lot of the younger generation I come across are so anti social and shallow.

Although, the majority do have 500 Facebook friends, so they must be popular

If it makes you feel any better, I don't have that many facebook friends either :24:


I really think it takes friends to make friends, and once you kind of fall out with most people, it's hard to ever get the ball rolling again.

 

[cam elle toe]

If it makes you feel any better, I don't have that many facebook friends either :24:


I really think it takes friends to make friends, and once you kind of fall out with most people, it's hard to ever get the ball rolling again.

Why would it make me feel better? I was just saying I find it sad. Both my daughters rarely see their good school friends anymore, yet have all these FB "friends".

I picture them one day sitting down to perhaps write out a wedding guest list, or even a birthday party list....and most of the "friends" being people they have never actually met...and all the invites going out over FB.:24:...or should I

 

[freakofnature]

It takes me a long time to make friends. The older I get, the longer it takes. I've lived at my current location for almost four years now and I don't have any friends here. If I got out more I'd probably make friends but I don't go out because I have no one to go with. It's a vicious cycle. :unsure:

 

[Panacea]

Why would it make me feel better? I was just saying I find it sad. Both my daughters rarely see their good school friends anymore, yet have all these FB "friends".

I picture them one day sitting down to perhaps write out a wedding guest list, or even a birthday party list....and most of the "friends" being people they have never actually met...and all the invites going out over FB.:24:...or should I

It's not far off, I'm sure your daughters are more social than I am, but I can't even HAVE a wedding because I have no one to invite
He has no friends either.

 

[purpledove]

I hope this is not seen as bragging.....

I have 2 male BFFs and about 8 girl BFFs whom i have contact with on a regular basis (Altho am closer to the guy BFFs a li'l bit than the girls) Besides acquaintances, I have a lot of other more than an acquaintance friends whom i have contact with and go hang with too. I'm also a boyfriend girl since HS however, my granny used to advise me the importance of keeping your good friends at arms reach and not to lose contact with them. As she said, it was a matter of giving value to friends & not to make your other friends feel segregated juz coz of a bf. She had always reiterated the quote "No man is an island" and to imagine how lonely one wld be when one gets old & not have friends who wld be there for them. I guess...I've always heeded that advise of my granny and have kept my friends close to my heart.

I have 500+ friends in FB and most of those I have met. There's only about '6 online' friends on that list whom I have not met. Since I've migrated to this country, the 500+ consists mostly of my collection of good friends and some acquaintances since grade school to college and those whom i have met along the way at work and places I've been that I've been good friends with. This forum actually became my alter socialization world when i was the one segregating myself away from my other friends given i was avoiding talking about my situation with them then. I am glad tho that i have also gained friends here....

I've also noticed what was said about the younger generation now having more online friends....i guess that's the trend nowadays :tooth

 

[Panacea]

It takes me a long time to make friends. The older I get, the longer it takes. I've lived at my current location for almost four years now and I don't have any friends here. If I got out more I'd probably make friends but I don't go out because I have no one to go with. It's a vicious cycle. :unsure:

Same here. Frankly I don't like being "out" because it usually means the bar, watching idiots from high school get drunk. I wish I found people who shared my interests other than my boyfriend

 

[retro]

I'm pretty much in largely the same boat AA... I got married and that became the focus in my life, and I lost a lot of friends because we didn't ever do anything with any of them anymore. A lot of my high school friends moved away for college or went into the military, and most of them haven't moved back. Then the few friends that I had when I moved to Texas had moved off while I was gone and weren't around anymore. Then you couple that with the fact that I got divorced, and became a pariah to a ton of them because of it... largely because they got my ex's side of things before mine because she moved back here long before I did... I don't have really any of the friends that were even still around. Then I moved back and discovered that one of my best friends from high school had become a complete asshole and damn near destroyed my other really good friend, so I cut him out of my life... then the friend that was nearly emotionally destroyed withdrew and then got married, started working nights, and I never see him again either.

The most social interactions I have are at work or with my family. I used to go to LA occasionally to see my other best friend from high school, but then he moved to South Carolina and got engaged, so I never talk to him either. :24: I can't be bothered to go to the bar, because I have social anxiety, and most of the people you find there are idiots. Plus I live in a small town, so there aren't really any social groups I could just go drop in on and hope to make friends.

 

[Joe the meek]

Losing loved ones is a sad part of life.

I've had my fair share of who I would call brothers lose their life at an early age, but they went out doing what they loved to do. To some extent, that beats wasting away at a nursing home after living a full life.

One that hurt the most was an old girlfriend. Lost track of her for a couple years, then literally bumped into her on a river out in Idaho surfing on a wave (we met each other on the east coast). Caught up old times with her and it was great seeing her. Then a year later a buddy calls me to tell me that she died in an avalanche skiing. Again, went out doing what she loved to do, but that one hit close to home for some reason.