Jay Leno
Ø President Obama invited trick-or-treaters to the White House Saturday night and they had a very scary party. They sat in a circle, turned off all the lights and the kids read the president his poll numbers.
Ø The economy is still hurting. Thirty percent of Americans are so disillusioned, they are thinking of moving back to Mexico.
Ø Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That's for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.
Ø Halloween is really fun at my house. Every year, I buy a bunch of candy and as kids walk up the driveway, I turn on the sprinklers.
Ø I wonder if Halloween is the one day of the year Lady Gaga wears normal clothes.
Ø That’s right, Kim Kardashian is ending her marriage. Details of the proceedings will remain private, until E! airs its three-hour divorce special.
Ø The U.S. is sending a surveillance blimp to Afghanistan. We just have to hope the Taliban doesn’t have that new anti-surveillance technology: Eyes.
Ø President Obama just had a physical exam. He had it today and his doctor said Obama is physically active, eats a healthy diet, and stays at a healthy weight. So now I'm really starting to doubt whether Obama was born in this country.
Ø A lot of kids across the country got the day off from school because of Halloween. I’m pretty sure this is why we're falling behind China. Not only did their kids not get the day off from school, they made all of our kids' costumes.
Ø A new poll taken abroad found that President Obama's policies are more popular overseas than they are here in America. That's because he's created more jobs overseas than here in America.
Ø People attending a Rick Perry event in New Hampshire had to prove they were American citizens. They asked a math or science question and if you get it wrong, you were born here.
Ø The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing,. It’s called the stock market.
Ø Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are ?? Wall Street is now being called Wal Mart Street.
Ø The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.
Ø I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if you get any e mails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it.
Ø Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favourite candy bar.
Ø President Obama invited trick-or-treaters to the White House Saturday night and they had a very scary party. They sat in a circle, turned off all the lights and the kids read the president his poll numbers.
Ø The economy is still hurting. Thirty percent of Americans are so disillusioned, they are thinking of moving back to Mexico.
Ø Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That's for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.
Ø Halloween is really fun at my house. Every year, I buy a bunch of candy and as kids walk up the driveway, I turn on the sprinklers.
Ø I wonder if Halloween is the one day of the year Lady Gaga wears normal clothes.
Ø That’s right, Kim Kardashian is ending her marriage. Details of the proceedings will remain private, until E! airs its three-hour divorce special.
Ø The U.S. is sending a surveillance blimp to Afghanistan. We just have to hope the Taliban doesn’t have that new anti-surveillance technology: Eyes.
Ø President Obama just had a physical exam. He had it today and his doctor said Obama is physically active, eats a healthy diet, and stays at a healthy weight. So now I'm really starting to doubt whether Obama was born in this country.
Ø A lot of kids across the country got the day off from school because of Halloween. I’m pretty sure this is why we're falling behind China. Not only did their kids not get the day off from school, they made all of our kids' costumes.
Ø A new poll taken abroad found that President Obama's policies are more popular overseas than they are here in America. That's because he's created more jobs overseas than here in America.
Ø People attending a Rick Perry event in New Hampshire had to prove they were American citizens. They asked a math or science question and if you get it wrong, you were born here.
Ø The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing,. It’s called the stock market.
Ø Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are ?? Wall Street is now being called Wal Mart Street.
Ø The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.
Ø I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if you get any e mails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it.
Ø Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favourite candy bar.
