is it a good or bad idea to let my daughter visit her mom in jail?

[1924]

My wife, who is also mother of my fourteen year old is in jail for six months for a financial crime. I am willing to stick by her and not leave her because I feel She made some stupid mistakes but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions, She also never did anything bad at all before this And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment. I told my daughter we should be glad her mother is serving time for her actions. Doing the right thing for her mistakes. Also, her mother is showing regret and no defense at what she did . I am thinking of letting my daughter visit her and have her still be involved with her child because she was never an absent or abusive parent or anything. Some might say sticking by her is being enabling but I just cannot agree

I think it is good to prepare in advance for her absence for the next six months. I wonder what are some good ways to do so, we still have time one of the things we must figure out is how to prepare for this upcoming incarceration. What are some good ways especially for each person to prepare for this?

My daughter seems to be taking it fine , she also said it is kind of funny that her mother is locked up and is now the one being ordered around by others. This is weird because she never had a bad relationship with her mother. I asked what she meant and she said she was just joking. I think that is OK to try to crack a joke to make the situation feel less bad and that a better way of handing the situation instead of being hysterical about it



should I take her to visit her mother when she is in jail, or is it a bad idea? My wife says she can come if she wants to. But even if she wants to it could be a bad environment. Also, seeing her mother in jail (which I hear is very de humanizing) could be a bad image. Her mom will be dressed in a jail uniform and is of course rightfully being treated like any other inmate but that might send a "normalizing" message to my daughter -I hear it is a hassle to get in. Also, seeing other inmates or even police officers could be intimidating to a young girl



If I do allow her what should I tell her in advance to prepare her? Is it a good idea for her to ask her mother questions about all this?

 

[AUFred]

Taking your daughter to see your wife in jail is the right thing to do for both. A teenager needs to ask questions and get honest answers. Hiding things from her about what happened is not a good idea. Try not to treat your teenager like a little child. Not an adult yet but getting closer, you are still the parent and not just a friend, but treating her more like you would an adult is the right way to go at this point.

 

[Natasha]

I agree w/ Fred that you should take her to see her mother. It sucks to have a parent in jail...been there, done that. BUT the reality is that for many kids, it happens.

As far as how to prepare her...I'd just tell her that she needs to be aware that there are rules and regulations and security procedures that must be followed. Warn her of the possibility of a search or pat down (they should have a female do it if she does have to be patted down) and the fact that she will be in a common area with criminals (it's different when it's not your mom).

 

[hart]

I never have been to visit anyone in prison but if my husband had been there I would have taken his son there if his son would have wanted to go. Luckily Joe only was in jail overnight one time and that was for breaking a don't see someone order, forget what it's called. Nothing major thank God. Heck I have been locked up for a Speeding ticket myself and had to wait until I could get a bailman to come get me. Damn lead foot.

 

[The Man]

If you don't take the child...its telling the child that momma is no good and you don't want that.

 

[Joe the meek]

+1 for what the others said.

 

[Stardom22]

It's a very good idea for me. I don't see any harm with that for real.