I'm starting to wonder...

[BreakfastSurreal]

If maybe I am bipolar. My mom has been for a long time, and I don't think I was before, but over the last few months especially I have been going through these strange episodes...for 2 or 3 weeks I am fine, and then all of a sudden one day my mood completely DROPS and I have even started feeling suicidal. But then it's like 3 or 4 days later I am totally fine. I get SOOO touchy about certain things, and I feel like there is something physically pressing down on my chest where I can't breathe. I REALLY need to go see a Dr., but I have no fucking insurance. I just don't know what to do..the only thing I can think of to do is to quit school or my job, both is just TOO much. ugh. I want to crawl into a hole today.

PS- If you have nothing nice to say about what I said in this thread, then please don't respond. I can take constructive criticism but right now I am extremely fragile and I don't wanna hear any BS about how it's probably my "abusive fiance's" fault or some shit.

 

[Peter Parka]

You could try taking St Johns wart which is a natural anti depressant available in health shops and see if that helps. Other than that all I can say is you should really see a doctor and see if he might be able to prescribe anti depressants or something for you.

 

[BreakfastSurreal]

I haver antidepressants laying around....I used to take Wellbutrin which is pretty harmless and didn't freak out my system like 90% of the ones I've ever taken have done. I really REALLY hate those drugs. I've had awful side effects with Effexor, Zoloft, and Prozac. So I'm pretty much scared to take anything toher than wellbutrin. Prozac was actually the cause of my 3 month hospital stay when I was 15. I just REALLY need to learn how to compartmentalize. I carry EVERY bit of stress I have with me everywhere I go. I think about school at work, I think about work and school at home, and I think about work when I'm at school. Then mixed up in there is how the fuck am I gonna get things I need to get done like get my breaks done, get transmission fuild and oil change, not to mention the paper i need to write, the lists i need to make, and the stuff i need to go buy. I am just NOT used to this busy-ness and it's relally getting to me. I'm sure quitting smoking didn't help with the stress, nor did not finding any time in the past week to go to the gym.

 

[Angel_eyes]

St. Johns is fine, but it can also adversly effect your blood pressure.
Talk to some one, even if it's your regular GP Dr.
Welbutrin and Paxil are mild enough to hold the curve.
Get a full blood work up too.

 

[BreakfastSurreal]

yeah i think ill start my wellbutrin today. i figure it cant really hurt. I can't even go to a GP. I don't have insurance, and every GP I've ever gone to wont prescribe antidepressants without referring you to a psychiatrist first or without a previous perscription, which i have no record of.

 

[BreakfastSurreal]

ah nevermind. its too fucking late now. im not a kid anymore, no one has any sort of responsibility to me. it just easier for everyone who "cares" to just let me be and hope for the best. fuck it.

 

[alleycat]

are you still excercising? that will help if you can keep at it regularily. try to maintain your blood sugar also, by keeping it stable.

maybe you could start a journal for a month or so to track whats goign on to maybe get the big picture?

 

[AUDRAA]

most GP's will prescribe antidepressents around here, has it been awhile since youve tried Clare? YES do start taking your Wellbutrin today but remember it takes awhile to get into your system and dont stop taking it when you start to feel better that means its working hun. Youve been under alot of stress lately its understandable that if you are prone to this that it might be coming out now. If you need to talk Im here, you can call too if you want Im home all day, but please Clare look into getting back on some regular meds again Im worried about you sweetie.

 

[BreakfastSurreal]

are you still excercising? that will help if you can keep at it regularily. try to maintain your blood sugar also, by keeping it stable.

]
Ive been to the gym TWICE in the past week, because im so fucking busy that i dont even have time to breathe. my grades are starting to suck, im "not allowed" to quit my job, they wont give me less hours....i dont know what to fucking do. i guress it would help if i wasnt sitting ont he internet whinign about it huh. im seriously on the verge of popping a handful of somas and being comatose the rest of the day so i dont have to even think about this.

 

[AUDRAA]

Clare!!!!!! stop it now get off the computer and go to the gym you will feel better and you have time because you are sitting here talking to us I know you dont feel like it but just do it and if you do Ill send you more pics now do it!!! or Ill come down ther and beat your ass!!!



*runs and hides now*

 

[BreakfastSurreal]

lol audra. thanks hun. well i have a math test at 1 so im kinda waiting around for that. *sigh*. i wish matt would realize taht I'm NOT trying to jsut be a "drama queen". He wont talk to me right now because hes at work and he thinks im just trying to stir up shit. he turned his phone off on me.

 

[BreakfastSurreal]

my symptoms are in red. funny 90% of these ive had my whole life.

What are Some of the Signs or Symptoms of Depression ?

Overly emotional

Overly sensitive Unusually irritable

Excessively hostile Easily upset

Easily angered Irrational when angry, Violent when angry Negative outlook about life in general Overly critical of self, of others, & situations Stressed-out, Burned-out, Can't get a job
Can't keep a job Appears to be "lazy"
Tired all the time Can't keep house even moderately cleaned up May let personal hygiene go Sleeps a lot
Can't sleep Has verbally expressed hating life Makes subtle or blatant mentions of wanting to be dead Mentions wanting to be killed in an accident Wishes for a terminal illness Doesn't want to see people much Doesn't want to go places or do things much Generally not happy Starts smoking, drinking, or using drugs Not self-aware enough to realize there is a problem Takes it personally & denies anything is "wrong" with himself or herself Attributes a lifetime of these symptoms to "personality" A person can be depressed and suicidal and be completely unaware of it It is possible that there are no visible symptoms at all A person can seem normal and happy due to perhaps adrenaline when around friends and family A person can suddenly become relieved & happy because they have a plan to kill themselves A person may even drop subtle hints to co-workers or strangers about a plan to commit suicide

 

[AUDRAA]

In Matts defense I know how he feels when Aaron was going through this and he use to have his episodes I would get pretty mad at him sometimes too, its really hard for us to understand sometimes thats all, its not that we dont care we are just kinda dumb to it. I think its hard for us to understand because we cant feel it and we understand why you can just snap out of it like we can when we are just feeling down, it just takes time and education on it thats all.

 

[AUDRAA]

yeah you need to go talk to someone something is going on at least get it checked out for your own piece of mind sounds alot like what Aaron was like before he got on meds hes actually on 2 different kinds now to keep him in check

 

[andcuriouser]

Talking to someone is a definite must. Everyone who I know who is bi-polar has generally evened out after getting on good medication.

The thing is, I was misdiagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder for years, so I was taking medication for that and it did absolutely no good. It wasn't until I met with a doctor who was familiar with CPTSD that I finally started seeing improvements with my moods and that sort of thing. I hate hate hate having to take medication, but there is a noticable difference when I miss a day, so obviously it does something.

Don't self-diagnose, is the first thing. Talk to a doctor and maybe get a referral, or see someone directly.

Love ya, Clare.

 

[BreakfastSurreal]

anyone know how much a visit to a psychiatrist is with no insurance? I'm thinking with medication and dr visit it would be like $200-300. i dunno though. any ideas?

 

[AUDRAA]

probably about the same

 

[andcuriouser]

Call around and ask?

A lot of my stuff is covered on Matt's insurance, but I know that many psychiatrists will work on a sliding scale. I'm not exactly sure how it works in the US.

 

[BreakfastSurreal]

i called the last dr i went to, i really liked him and the only reason i quit going was because of the expense, i couldnt afford it at the time. Boo for them not answering the phone though, I guess i should call some other places...but im a little wary about just going anywhere because im really picky when it comes to psychiatrists...ithink ive only had 2 that i ever liked.

 

[andcuriouser]

i called the last dr i went to, i really liked him and the only reason i quit going was because of the expense, i couldnt afford it at the time. Boo for them not answering the phone though, I guess i should call some other places...but im a little wary about just going anywhere because im really picky when it comes to psychiatrists...ithink ive only had 2 that i ever liked.

Welcome to the club!

Haha, I'm really picky as well. I'm okay with the one I have now; the one I had before unfortunately retired and moved to the Carribean or something, and I loved her to death.

I guess you'll never know if you don't try. You'd be surprised at where some really great professionals pop up.