I have a question for the parentals

[ProjectMayhem]

OK, so, I've spent the last 11 months living with my sister and her 3 kids. The kids are Chase (4, AKA The Climber), Dakota (3, AKA The Backtalker), and Shayla (19 months, AKA The Biter). I never actually had to play the role of Mom until 2 days ago. My brother-in-law came in from Egypt for a 2 week R&R, and my sister reserved a cabin up at a lake for them to stay in for the first few days that he was home. I got stuck watching the kids for 3 whole damn days. Now, here's my dilemma: I'm not Mom, they don't want to listen to me. They have destroyed everything, won't calm down, and have gone completely insane since their mom left this house. It seems that nothing I do to punish them ever solves the problem. The Biter I put in time out to begin with, and the 2nd incident I bit her back. She bitched, of course, but 20 minutes later she was biting again. So, back to time out, and then biting again. The Climber I just put in time out since he didn't really do anything wrong, he just doesn't want to listen when I tell him to not climb the entertainment center (6' high) because he will fall and splater his head on the tile floor. The Backtalker I put in time out, and the next time I just smack his mouth. He laughs at me like it's funny, and then prances off to the next room. Is this a conspiracy? I'm so damn frustrated. I just let them beat the hell out of each other, and when they come to me crying because so and so hurt them, I just say "I told you so" and ignore their complaints. I know ignoring them isn't the best route, but if they ignore me when I tell them not to fight, it's better off that they learn the hard way, right? (Hey that rhymed, kick-ass) Anywho, I'm just asking the parents what I should do in these situations. I can't give up, but I get more and more frustrated with every word that comes out of my mouth. I REALLY don't want to slit wrists tonight (Only a joke. No, I don't need the number to Charter).

 

[HottyToddyChick]

I highly doubt that biting back is something their mother would approve of. You need to find structure, and be firm, but not harsh. Give them options, do they want to watch t.v., do they want to play with blocks, or whatever toys they have, and then sit them all in one place where you can keep an eye on them. That way they have a little control over what they do, and you have a lot of control over how they behave.

 

[AmoRaL]

fight fire with fire they ignore u, u ignore them until they learn theyre lesson even if theyre biting and beating on you.it cant be too bad so just chill out and ignore em until they learn theyre lesson. just what id do

 

[OUZBnd]

sorry you have to deal with the children for so long, id certain go insane. I usually use the intimidation factor when i get stuck in situations simillar to that one. But i'm no parent, so i shouldnt be responding to this thread. I am a proud uncle tho

 

[Veronica]

OK, Here goes..

#1.. they are going to do that because they think of you as there friend not their boss. Approach with kindness and playfulness. Make a GAME out of cleaning up.

As far as the bitter goes, (bitting back is suppose to work.) BUT since it hasnt put his/her own fingers in his/her mouth while he is trying to bite. Therefore he/she bites her/himself. If that doesnt work, wire her jaw. JOKE!

My babysitter has this problem, and she fights it with playing with them. Try to make games out of EVERYTHING, it will help. If the older ones dont like it still, put them to bed. Tell them they have to take a nap and if they wont lay down on their own, hold them down by laying with them.

 

[Blackwater_GT]

Time outs dont work unless you take away a privelige, like play a video game or watching a favorite program on TV. Or getting a special treat. or going out side to play, Not going out somewhere that they were promised to go. Seperate them and put them in different rooms. make sure you check on them frequently so they are not painting the walls with there Poo poo. If all else fails then a shot of Childrens tylenol cold medicine will knock the little rug rats ass out so you can get some rest.

 

[viper690]

everyone loves me, 34 off them- if i count

 

[ProjectMayhem]

Re: RE: I have a question for the parentals

I highly doubt that biting back is something their mother would approve of. You need to find structure, and be firm, but not harsh. Give them options, do they want to watch t.v., do they want to play with blocks, or whatever toys they have, and then sit them all in one place where you can keep an eye on them. That way they have a little control over what they do, and you have a lot of control over how they behave.

HAHA. She's the one that told me to do it in the first place. Not only that, that's how the other 2 learned to stop biting. Anywho, I popped in a movie and told them that if they didn't sit and watch it that I was turning all the TVs in the house off. Since they think they die when the TV goes off, they sat down and behaved until after I cooked dinner. I sent thier asses to bed early. WOO! Free of kids!

 

[viper690]

lol, die

> no tv

hahahahaha

 

[TheOriginalJames]

Go find a wooden paint mixer (the hand held things) and next time they act up whap them on the back of the knees.

I can guarantee you won't be bitten, have to chase or get pissed after being talked back to after that. I used to get whipped on the back of the knees with those things... it fucking hurt.

 

[AmoRaL]

Re: RE: I have a question for the parentals

Go find a wooden paint mixer (the hand held things) and next time they act up whap them on the back of the knees.

I can guarantee you won't be bitten, have to chase or get pissed after being talked back to after that. I used to get whipped on the back of the knees with those things... it fucking hurt.

or u can take one of theyre little plastic baseball bats and THWAP right on the ass those sting like hell

 

[Ryum]

if they are too small to listen but big enough to cause damage

I usually resort to thumps on the nose

though I don't do those bone shattering thumps like some people

 

[IntruderLS1]

Kids are like animals....
Animals are like kids....

Now that I think about it, people in general are like animals.

It's a matter of willpower, and it's a matter of cause and affect. It's the nature of life to push the boundaries to see what we can get away with. You have to shut them down when they go to far by making it not worth it to them.

That's where the struggle of the wills comes in. If they can break you a few times, it will give them encouragement to continue to out last you. If they know that no matter what, she always wins, then they won't put up much of a fight, because it's not worth it. They only lose.

You're the grown up. You're the law in that house till mommy comes home.

The ideas of making them think it's their idea to clean up or sit still are good ideas. When you're in charge of grown ups, you do the same thing, and it makes you a great manager.

I'm not telling you to crack skulls, but you need to find something each of them holds dear, and squeeze. If TV is the end of the world, then that's your leverage. "What? You don't want to listen? TV will be off for 1 hour." They offend again, 2 hours. Again, all day. You have to make them understand that by disobeying, they only make themselves miserable. So miserable, that disobeying becomes something that isn't even worth the chance.

Good luck lady friend. Remember.... You're bigger and smarter than they are. They'd better be carefull what they wish for when they ask for a piece of you. :cool

 

[sharpies]

I agree that you have to find out what is important to them & then take it away from them. Sometimes finding out what is important is the hardest thing, so if TV works use it.

Aside - Hitting some kids works really well, but the truth is that it doesn't work on all of them, I think also that it promotes the idea that violence is the answer to things & that is what you are trying to get away from.

I think that generally boredom is the biggest problem & finding away to deal with it is not always easy but structured play, that excludes bad behaviour, is a start.

Most importantly be firm & be consistent. Don't let them break you even if it means repeating, or starting, the same punishment again & again.

Allan

 

[sharpies]

Just a quick follow up - mostly, as parents, we reward bad behaviour by giving it a lot of attention, so if you can find away to shift the focus of attention by rewarding good behaviour (Praise works well) & ignoring bad behaviour (I know that this is not easy) you may get better behaved kids.

There are no hard & fast rules as each kid is different.

Allan