I have a question... Can you give me an answer?..

[Willow]

Life got on my way yesterday and I wasn't able to find the time to reply to those that posted in this thread.
I will try to reply to each, individually, during the day..

I just want to say thank you everyone, from the bottom of my heart..

Your responses mean a lot to me, and hopefully this thread will be the starting point to better communication and understanding between all the members and will help bring this forum back to where it was before..
Veronica and the Mods put an enormous amount of time and effort into the running of this place.. Being a Mod or an Admin is hard work -not to mention unpaid-, and I know owning a forum can be very expensive..
In my opinion, they don't deserve to have to deal with some of the drama that goes on sometimes..

This week, I was ready to call it quits and leave.. but I am not a quitter..
I gave a lot of thoughts to that decision because many people here have been very nice to me. There are two I have become close with, and didn't want to loose touch with them.. so I wrote this thread not only to find answers for myself, but maybe to help all the new members that register, write a few posts... and then leave...

Although I registered here at the end of '09, I had been lurking and reading threads in the forums for quite a while before that.. in fact, as far back as the days when the forum was started..

Let me explain that a little better, so no one will get the impression that I was stalking anyone..

My son used to own a 1994 Mustang, which my husband and I inherited in 2000..
When doing a search for a part we needed in 2005, I was taken to the old Mustang forum.. I didn't registered there, and never did find what I was looking for in that place, but started reading some threads and was very amused by all the drama going on there...
Anyway... I clicked on a link someone had put in one of the posts, and landed here..
This place didn't even have a name at that time... there was a thread where people were giving and discussing names..

I was very busy with other things at the time, so I bookmarked the forum and once in a while would come to read the crazy things the old members were writing and would laugh until I had tears on my eyes!..
I still didn't want to register because I had no time left to dedicate to posting in yet another forum..

Eventually, reading this forum became my solace in the middle of dealing with so many sad stories and suffering at the forum were I was a mod and part time admin... I really liked this place and loved the camaraderie I saw here, so I finally decided to register and start posting..
Unfortunately, I was sidelined by health problems shortly after that..

Also, the forum I modded and loved so much was being attacked by a troll, who created very serious problems with the minds of the most fragile members.. He eventually started stalking the owners where they lived, and brought the forum down.. but not before he posted some of my private information publicly..
The owners deleted the forum, moved from their houses and went underground.. I left all forums and went online only when it was necessary..

When I decided to return here, I saw many changes.. and some of them were not for the best.. Many members have left or stopped posting.. others have been banned.. I don't know the reasons, but I imagine something went on to bring those bans, and they were justly done.. I would never question the staff decisions, because I've done the same in other places..

To me, a forum is like a family.. we tend to have disagreements, but we resolve them by talking with ~not to ~ each other..

I think I will get off my soap box now

Hopefully, my long winded post will get the members on the road to make some changes, and make OTz a place where people like to come and enjoy the camaraderie once again..

Have a great Easter everyone!.. :flowers:

 

[itsmeJonB]

I don't like anybody on this site so don't feel too bad

 

[Natasha]

I just wanted to thank you for bringing this topic up. It's something that we've had complaints on from several new members and, although it's been discussed before by the mods, I think a lot of people brushed it off as it coming from the staff and not actual new members. This was one of the main reasons we started the "Get to know your mods" section.

The only way to solve these problems is to get them out in the open and talk about them. While I understand members being cautious about new members due to some of the problems w/ have w/ trolls, there IS a difference in being cautious and just being an outright ass to new members. THAT is what needs to be worked on.

 

[Willow]

That is a very powerful post and it took a lot of guts to post it. :clap You are the second one today that's mentioned it but even that won't open some eyes unfortunately.

If it means anything I like you. :thumbup

Thank you Guy!.. I like you too!!!.. :smiley31:

I know it won't open everyone's eyes, but I hope my words can make a little bit of difference in this small piece of the cyber universe!..

I posted another piece of my mind above.. I think it was post #41, in case you didn't see it..

 

[Loyalist]

This might be a long post, but I would like to ask you to please read it in it's entirety.. This is important to me for several reasons, and I would appreciate some answers..

Due to personal reasons, I had to take a break from my internet activities and my computer, including this forum in December 2009.
Recently, I've been returning to some of my old routines, and OTz was the first forum where I started posting again, because I liked the forum before I left..

As a Mod and Admin on various forums since the middle of 2004, I think I can say I have experience at the front and back of them...

I have dealt with many members, in many different areas...
From people suffering with mental illnesses and health problems ..~where I managed to handle over 750 members by myself during a long emergency when the two other admins were unavailable~... to a Reiki community... From pet owners looking for some help with their animals..to people looking for answers to their crafting hobbies...

I have done some of these in two languages also, and except from my slow dial-up, have no problems getting around any forum..
I never had any problems accepting new members, or being accepted by them, anywhere before..
I have made many good friends online.. some have remained friends even after the forums closed, and became personal real life friends..
I know all about old forum members sticking with each other and forming close friendships..
I know all about differences in age, culture, education, social status.. and more..
I also know all about the backstabbing and judging going on in some forums, and how much damage it can cause.. and much, much more..

Based on what I've said above, I am stumped to find an answer to my question and hope someone can give me some ideas..

Why is it so hard to be accepted here?..

Please know that I've never had any problems with anyone here.. Some members have been very nice to me... but I feel ignored by many others, and I can't understand why.. By nature, I am a very positive, friendly, trusting and nurturing person..
Maybe I'm too naive in expecting to be treated the same way I treat others..

I'm guessing there are unwritten rules I have to follow to be be considered as part of the community and a member in good standing..

As far as I can tell, some of the unwritten rules I should follow are:

* I need to be just like all the other members...
* I need to agree to everything they say...
* I need to think exactly like all the other members...
* I need to be obnoxious, rude and loud...
* I need to be able to swear like a sailor...
* I need to start many threads to increase my post count..
* I need to ignore most threads and start new ones daily...
* I need to ignore members with less than an "X" number of posts... "X" being an unwritten number only known to those in certain cliques..

Then, if I follow those unwritten rules, for an unwritten length of time, I could be accepted...
But... I would still have to be careful and try not to break those unwritten rules, or I would be back at the unwritten starting point...


As far as I can see, if I keep my principles, ideas and common sense intact...
...... And I:
* Do not argue or cause trouble...
* Do not act loud and controversial...
* Do not use brash words...
* Do not write about sex and booze...
* Do not start many threads daily...
* Do reply promptly to posts on threads I start...
* Do not ignore any members..
* Do try to greet most of new members...
* Do try to be helpful to others...
* Do try to be respectful to all members, at all times...
* Do act friendly towards everyone...

... I will have more chances of being struck by a truck.. inside my house... than finding myself accepted here..

I am most likely the last person to comment on your post but I feel that way and I have only been here less then a month.
This site seems to be oldest and possibility one of the biggest.
Older doesn't seem to matter much but bigger is not always a good thing.
I started a thread a day or two ago asking basically how long does one have to be here to be accepted.
The answers I received were very good and all made sense.
One member even went a little further and " befriended " me, I was impressed.
I wouldn't do anything different because to do so , it wouldn't be the real you would it.
I don't know the bad guys from the good guys in here but I'm sure I'll will in time.
So Willow I suggest you keep on " keeping on ".
It would seem that you have done all the right things, it now falls on others to be more outgoing with you.

 

[Willow]

Fickle bunch we are I guess.

Darl, Im here a LOT, some of my threads get 300 views and 1 post, others get lots.

It got to me a bit at first too, but then I put it into perspective.

I checked out a few other threads, started by different mods, different "popular" posters....and the same thing happens to them too sometimes:dunno

Some here post threads FOR the shock value, and yes, unfortunately....peeps will flock to them, but thats their prerogative.

I like you too....dont let it get to you

Thanks!.. I like and love you too!.. ♥

I try not to let things get to me.. you can read post #41 of this thread to see what prompted me to write it..

There is an expression that many people use and I always disliked.. they say "you are very resilient..."..
I tell people that resilient is a word for floors.. I much prefer to think of myself as covered in a thick coat of Teflon!..

 

[Willow]

Good post. I don't know if it's a good thing to feel accepted here. Heard, maybe. Accepted isn't something I strive for. I speak my mind here and I like the freedom to do that. I come across all sorts of ways in which some are offended, some shocked, some confused, some laugh their asses off, some share my viewpoints enthusiatically, and some think I'm a real bastard. I find OTz to be cliquish at times and I feel it contains a bit of a mob mentality at times, but I try not to get too involved in any one topic that seems to be getting out of hand. Sometimes I go with the flow and sometimes I go against the grain. I'm still here sharing my tidbits and all-in-all it's pretty fun.

Thank you..
I also stay away from threads that are getting out of hand or are controversial..
Most times, there is no need to argue.. you can always get your point across by using nice words and thinking before you speak..

I have learned in my long life, that there are many ways to do things... You can catch more flies with honey..

 

[Loyalist]

One thing I think is very important is if someone takes the time to reply to your thread/post, you should make sure that you reply to theirs unless its something stupid.
And to be honest with you, that is one of the reasons I posted my thread.
Seems like at times I'm invisible. :cool

 

[Willow]

I fit in with some people, I don't fit in with others. That seems to be the story of my life. I'm the same person here that I am in my real life... I have a polarizing personality, stick to my principles, and don't give a shit if people don't like me because of it. OTz does tend to be cliquish unfortunately, but you see that everywhere... from online forums, to schools, even the workplace. That's just life I suppose. For what it's worth, I like you... and I wouldn't be concerned with what people do or don't think about you.

:thumbup I like you too.. and I agree with what you say..
With me, what you see is what you get.. I have my principles, and I'm not concerned about what people think of me.. At my age, that is not important anymore.. I've earned every single one of my white hairs the hard way... by being nice and respectful to everyone...

 

[Willow]

... IMO you have to have a slightly deviated sense of humor....urggh..I mean highly deviated sense of humor to be one of the guys or gals...others know its is all in fun.

Just find a spot, cut loose and have a good time rather than try to find what please others...the crazier the better

:lol In all my years on this earth, this is the first time anyone has said that to me!!.. If you only knew me!...
Have you seen my posts full of smileys?.. :tongue:

I had my own title in a forum I used to mod.. given to me by the owner.. Most of the time it was "The Smiley Queen Moderator"... but there were times when she would change it to "The Crazy Smiley Queen"..

Life is serious enough... If I can't have fun in a forum, I consider my time wasted..

 

[Loyalist]

I rest my case......

 

[Willow]

This above all: to thine own self be true - and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.

:unsure:


THANKS!!.... me thinks..


............... :tongue: ................

 

[Willow]

:clap:clap:clap

Awesomatical Post

(...truer words have never been spoken...)​

Thank You!

 

[Willow]

Just don't let it get to you, it's still a cool place even if you're not part of the cool kids

:thumbup Thanks!

 

[Willow]

Willow, I have liked u from the first. Sometimes my posts get a lot little or no attention, but maybe it's because I am agreed with and little can be added. I know a few don't like me, but I like the majority and I know I have some friends on here. That's enuf for me.

:smiley31: Thank you, I like you too!.. :flowers:

 

[Loyalist]

Hello

 

[Willow]

As far as what you said, Willow. I agree. I've been here for awhile now, and most people don't give much of a second look to what I have to say. But, in my estimation, as long as people aren't hating on you for the things you're posting, then who cares? I'm happy to talk to myself in my thread. I come here to blow off steam, and occasionally joke around when the mood strikes. Just be you. People DO like you. They just may not be the super outspoken type.

 

[Willow]

I applaud you Willow for having the guts to actually say something about how you have been feeling when it comes to this place, The problem many people have i think is not being able to express themselves and feeling they have to leave if they are feeling off in relation to their place here at otz.

from what i know of you so far i like you but in all honestly i dont know you. That is my fault though and in no way yours Im rarely here and when i am i tend to aimnlessly wander through threads and post very rarely.

Thank you for your words :smiley31:
I know you are not here very often, and if you haven't read it yet, take a look at post #41 on this thread.. you can learn a little bit more about me there..

I started this thread not only to get answers for myself, but because of the members I see leaving after just a few posts..
I wish you could be here more often.. I would love to get to know you better..

 

[purpledove]

One thing I think is very important is if someone takes the time to reply to your thread/post, you should make sure that you reply to theirs unless its something stupid.
And to be honest with you, that is one of the reasons I posted my thread.
Seems like at times I'm invisible. :cool

I rest my case......

Hello

By your posts, you seem to be trying to get the attention of Willow :unsure:

Please read her post # 41 on this thread, it'll explain her side. I have a feeling you might think she's ignoring you, imo, she's not

 

[Thornless]

I read more threads than I post in them. I don't always feel like I have anything to add to someones thread or I don't feel like it.

I thonk many people do the same, doesn't mean we don't like someone or haven't accepted them.