I have a question... Can you give me an answer?..

[Willow]

This might be a long post, but I would like to ask you to please read it in it's entirety.. This is important to me for several reasons, and I would appreciate some answers..

Due to personal reasons, I had to take a break from my internet activities and my computer, including this forum in December 2009.
Recently, I've been returning to some of my old routines, and OTz was the first forum where I started posting again, because I liked the forum before I left..

As a Mod and Admin on various forums since the middle of 2004, I think I can say I have experience at the front and back of them...

I have dealt with many members, in many different areas...
From people suffering with mental illnesses and health problems ..~where I managed to handle over 750 members by myself during a long emergency when the two other admins were unavailable~... to a Reiki community... From pet owners looking for some help with their animals..to people looking for answers to their crafting hobbies...

I have done some of these in two languages also, and except from my slow dial-up, have no problems getting around any forum..
I never had any problems accepting new members, or being accepted by them, anywhere before..
I have made many good friends online.. some have remained friends even after the forums closed, and became personal real life friends..
I know all about old forum members sticking with each other and forming close friendships..
I know all about differences in age, culture, education, social status.. and more..
I also know all about the backstabbing and judging going on in some forums, and how much damage it can cause.. and much, much more..

Based on what I've said above, I am stumped to find an answer to my question and hope someone can give me some ideas..

Why is it so hard to be accepted here?..

Please know that I've never had any problems with anyone here.. Some members have been very nice to me... but I feel ignored by many others, and I can't understand why.. By nature, I am a very positive, friendly, trusting and nurturing person..
Maybe I'm too naive in expecting to be treated the same way I treat others..

I'm guessing there are unwritten rules I have to follow to be be considered as part of the community and a member in good standing..

As far as I can tell, some of the unwritten rules I should follow are:

* I need to be just like all the other members...
* I need to agree to everything they say...
* I need to think exactly like all the other members...
* I need to be obnoxious, rude and loud...
* I need to be able to swear like a sailor...
* I need to start many threads to increase my post count..
* I need to ignore most threads and start new ones daily...
* I need to ignore members with less than an "X" number of posts... "X" being an unwritten number only known to those in certain cliques..

Then, if I follow those unwritten rules, for an unwritten length of time, I could be accepted...
But... I would still have to be careful and try not to break those unwritten rules, or I would be back at the unwritten starting point...


As far as I can see, if I keep my principles, ideas and common sense intact...
...... And I:
* Do not argue or cause trouble...
* Do not act loud and controversial...
* Do not use brash words...
* Do not write about sex and booze...
* Do not start many threads daily...
* Do reply promptly to posts on threads I start...
* Do not ignore any members..
* Do try to greet most of new members...
* Do try to be helpful to others...
* Do try to be respectful to all members, at all times...
* Do act friendly towards everyone...

... I will have more chances of being struck by a truck.. inside my house... than finding myself accepted here..

 

[Guyzerr]

That is a very powerful post and it took a lot of guts to post it. :clap You are the second one today that's mentioned it but even that won't open some eyes unfortunately.

If it means anything I like you. :thumbup

 

[cam elle toe]

Fickle bunch we are I guess.

Darl, Im here a LOT, some of my threads get 300 views and 1 post, others get lots.

It got to me a bit at first too, but then I put it into perspective.

I checked out a few other threads, started by different mods, different "popular" posters....and the same thing happens to them too sometimes:dunno

Some here post threads FOR the shock value, and yes, unfortunately....peeps will flock to them, but thats their prerogative.

I like you too....dont let it get to you

 

[FreightTrain]

Good post. I don't know if it's a good thing to feel accepted here. Heard, maybe. Accepted isn't something I strive for. I speak my mind here and I like the freedom to do that. I come across all sorts of ways in which some are offended, some shocked, some confused, some laugh their asses off, some share my viewpoints enthusiatically, and some think I'm a real bastard. I find OTz to be cliquish at times and I feel it contains a bit of a mob mentality at times, but I try not to get too involved in any one topic that seems to be getting out of hand. Sometimes I go with the flow and sometimes I go against the grain. I'm still here sharing my tidbits and all-in-all it's pretty fun.

 

[retro]

I fit in with some people, I don't fit in with others. That seems to be the story of my life. I'm the same person here that I am in my real life... I have a polarizing personality, stick to my principles, and don't give a shit if people don't like me because of it. OTz does tend to be cliquish unfortunately, but you see that everywhere... from online forums, to schools, even the workplace. That's just life I suppose. For what it's worth, I like you... and I wouldn't be concerned with what people do or don't think about you.

 

[The Man]

Willow..I don't think its that anyone doesn't fit in or gets ignored..it can seem that way at times..sure they are a few that only communicate with a other few.

Threads come and go very fast I have noticed..A thread can be stale as soon as you land in it..Just drop your thought and run if nothing becomes of it its probably not personal.

Members come and go many of the long standing members see that and may just consider you a passerby,

I was greeted rather well when I entered..and the most feel accepted...there are times I dont log in as I am doing other things in mylife...but fuckers are sure to say hi when I pop in.

IMO you have to have a slightly deviated sense of humor....urggh..I mean highly deviated sense of humor to be one of the guys or gals...others know its is all in fun.

Just find a spot, cut loose and have a good time rather than try to find what please others...the crazier the better

 

[Natasha]

That is a very powerful post and it took a lot of guts to post it. :clap You are the second one today that's mentioned it but even that won't open some eyes unfortunately.

If it means anything I like you. :thumbup

Ditto.

 

[Xeno]

:clap:clap:clap

Awesomatical Post

(...truer words have never been spoken...)​

 

[Siphorous]

This above all: to thine own self be true - and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.

 

[Pumpkin]

Heh I know exactly what you mean. Unless you are loud and everywhere, you tend to get ignored. It's particularly funny when you make a comment, it's ignored and then a 'popular poster' makes the same comment and THEN everyone jumps on board haha.

Just don't let it get to you, it's still a cool place even if you're not part of the cool kids

 

[hart]

Willow, I have liked u from the first. Sometimes my posts get a lot little or no attention, but maybe it's because I am agreed with and little can be added. I know a few don't like me, but I like the majority and I know I have some friends on here. That's enuf for me.

 

[anathelia]

This above all: to thine own self be true - and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.

As far as what you said, Willow. I agree. I've been here for awhile now, and most people don't give much of a second look to what I have to say. But, in my estimation, as long as people aren't hating on you for the things you're posting, then who cares? I'm happy to talk to myself in my thread. I come here to blow off steam, and occasionally joke around when the mood strikes. Just be you. People DO like you. They just may not be the super outspoken type.

 

[Keight]

I applaud you Willow for having the guts to actually say something about how you have been feeling when it comes to this place, The problem many people have i think is not being able to express themselves and feeling they have to leave if they are feeling off in relation to their place here at otz.

from what i know of you so far i like you but in all honestly i dont know you. That is my fault though and in no way yours Im rarely here and when i am i tend to aimnlessly wander through threads and post very rarely.

 

[dkwrtw]

Heck, I've been here for quite a while now and I feel ignored sometimes too, doesn't bother me though, a lot of threads and a lot of posts are made every day, people don't respond to everything they see, it's rare for even long time members to have a really successful thread. Oh and I much prefer you over the obnoxious shit stirrers any day

 

[freakofnature]

I get ignored here (which is why I have a thread of me talking to myself that's over 100 pages long :ninja), I get ignored at my hockey forums, I get ignored at my model horse forum. It just happens. Whoopee. I guess I'm used to blending in so it doesn't bother me. :dunno I will also admit to ignoring a lot of the less established posters here. It has less to do with how much I like someone and more to do with me just being awkward and not knowing what to say to someone I don't know well. :ninja

 

[Keight]

I get ignored here (which is why I have a thread of me talking to myself that's over 100 pages long :ninja), I get ignored at my hockey forums, I get ignored at my model horse forum. It just happens. Whoopee. I guess I'm used to blending in so it doesn't bother me. :dunno I will also admit to ignoring a lot of the less established posters here. It has less to do with how much I like someone and more to do with me just being awkward and not knowing what to say to someone I don't know well. :ninja

Im like that. I feel awkward around people that i dont know very well. There used to be a time when i would say things to people i just met that a person shouldnt really say to anyone ever. guess ive grown up a little bit over the years and have learned to curb my tongue

 

[dkwrtw]

I always try to be welcoming to new members, if nobody talks to them they won't want to stay.

 

[Keight]

I always try to be welcoming to new members, if nobody talks to them they won't want to stay.

:homo:

 

[HK]

I've never had any problem with you Willow :dunno

I think there are always going to be groups of people within a larger group who are friends, and are more likely to respond to each others posts than anyone else's. There's no point in taking it personally because we all do it to some extent, and it's just how people are.

Define acceptance anyway a certain percentage of people who you talk to on a regular basis? Or being loved by everyone regardless? I think I fit in here, in that I don't feel out of place, but I still make threads that get minimal replies, or respond to people and get no reply, and I don't have private conversations with many people for very long.

For some people, fitting in here is about being the loudest, winning every argument and being condescending to new people. That doesn't mean it's the same for everyone! If you like it here, if you like talking to some people and can ignore the people who wind you up, that's probably the best you can expect for most.

 

[Withers]

Being a new member myself I see where you're coming from. So far people have been nice to me here, and I've clicked quite well with a couple members *cough* I just think that after I've stuck around for awhile that more members will warm up to me and get friendlier. It's hard for me sometimes because I'm a very overtly friendly person, I like to be loud and heard lol. So pulling back here until I get more established is hard for me. But for what it's worth Willow, I like you just fine!! :nod: