Humor Break!
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There were two buddies, one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to his friend, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat." The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."
The buddy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead."
They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in.
The bouncer at the door says, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed."
The man with the Doberman Pinscher says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer says, "A Doberman Pinscher?"
He says, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good and he protects me from robbers, too."
The man at the door says, "Come on in."
The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.
Once again the bouncer says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer at the door says, "A Chihuahua?"
The man with the Chihuahua says, "A Chihuahua??? Those idiots gave me a Chihuahua?!?!"
The buddy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead."
They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in.
The bouncer at the door says, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed."
The man with the Doberman Pinscher says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer says, "A Doberman Pinscher?"
He says, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good and he protects me from robbers, too."
The man at the door says, "Come on in."
The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.
Once again the bouncer says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer at the door says, "A Chihuahua?"
The man with the Chihuahua says, "A Chihuahua??? Those idiots gave me a Chihuahua?!?!"
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but
a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?
Why are wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean
to make terrible?
Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows.
And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and
a car rusts and...
If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take
another road. That's why the highway department made so many
of them.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the
neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
Try a little kindness. As little as possible. Into every life
some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but
a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?
Why are wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean
to make terrible?
Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows.
And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and
a car rusts and...
If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take
another road. That's why the highway department made so many
of them.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the
neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
Try a little kindness. As little as possible. Into every life
some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thats so funny to me for some reason
1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.
-- (Deuteronomy 21:11-13) 2. Find a prostitute and marry her.
-- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)
3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
-- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)
4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
-- Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)
5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.
-- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)
6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib.
-- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)
7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman.
-- Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)
8. Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife.
-- David (I Samuel 18:27)
9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative of course.)
-- Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)
10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
-- Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ...woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me."
-- Samson (Judges 14:1-3)
12. Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose your son though).
-- David (2 Samuel 11)
13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea, it's the law).
-- Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)
14. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.
-- Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)
15. A wife?...NOT!!!
-- Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35
-- (Deuteronomy 21:11-13) 2. Find a prostitute and marry her.
-- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)
3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
-- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)
4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
-- Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)
5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.
-- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)
6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib.
-- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)
7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman.
-- Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)
8. Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife.
-- David (I Samuel 18:27)
9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative of course.)
-- Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)
10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
-- Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ...woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me."
-- Samson (Judges 14:1-3)
12. Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose your son though).
-- David (2 Samuel 11)
13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea, it's the law).
-- Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)
14. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.
-- Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)
15. A wife?...NOT!!!
-- Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35
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