I've been to my mother's grave a couple of times, but it doesn't do anything for me so .... I feel much closer to her when I pass by our old house or talk to the living about her.
The tradition in Okinawa (my beloved's home) is really cool, though. They have family tombs - usually small granite houses they put the ashes in. Some are generations old. Once a year the whole family gather at the tomb to clean up - pull or chop weeds, sweep up, wash the tomb - and bring lots of food. There's a ceremony of offering food and burning this kind of fake money for the dead, then we all chow down. The older ones tell stories of the generations past to pass to the younger ones, and the best and funniest stories seem to be of the recently dead that people knew when they were alive. Some families break out the alcohol and musical instruments and party well into the night. The gravesite itself becomes a place of good memories.
