Highlights of marriage according to men

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Mrs Behavin

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1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere..... but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down! " .. So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage? " .... The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. ! My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"
 
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sharpies

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...then the mud fell off.

That has to be one of the funniest jokes I've ever heard.
Good stuff

:rofl

Allan
 
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Kungfu

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I have a contribution to this topic...Its a lil poem I came across...

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I slept with you, because I was pissed
I thought that I could love no other
Until that is I met your Mother
Roses are red, violets are blue,
sugar is sweet and so are you
But the roses are wilting, the voilets are dead
The sugar bowl's empty and so is your head
Of loving beauty you float like Grace
If only you could hide your face
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you are not
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off your face
I love you smile, your face, your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling these lies
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my whole life
I see your face when I am dreaming
Thats why I always wake up screaming
My love, you take my breath away
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "go to hell"
What inspired these amorous rhymes?
Two parts vodka, one part limes!
 

Veronica

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Re: RE: Highlights of marriage according to men

Kungfu said:
I have a contribution to this topic...Its a lil poem I came across...

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I slept with you, because I was pissed
I thought that I could love no other
Until that is I met your Mother
Roses are red, violets are blue,
sugar is sweet and so are you
But the roses are wilting, the voilets are dead
The sugar bowl's empty and so is your head
Of loving beauty you float like Grace
If only you could hide your face
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you are not
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off your face
I love you smile, your face, your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling these lies
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my whole life
I see your face when I am dreaming
Thats why I always wake up screaming
My love, you take my breath away
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "go to hell"
What inspired these amorous rhymes?
Two parts vodka, one part limes!


:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

I sure hope joe dont think this way about me. :( :tard
 
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