Help for a socially awkward child? :P

[Mokoto Kusanagi]

Hello there people. I am new here so please bear with me.

O.K. So I don't really have a problem per se but I have a query which I would like to raise. Currently I am relatively fresh out of a two year relationship, eighteen years of age and of the male sex. Since my break up (which was very peaceful and good-natured mind you) I have been hanging out a lot more with a friend of mine, whom I've known for the duration of my past relationship but never really spent time with, on her initiative. She has also opted for us to do a lot of school work and otherwise artsy fartsy projects together generally leading to after-school activities. It seems to me as though she is interested in having a more intimate relationship with me as she among other things recently wrote "you are amazing" or something to that effect in our language on my facebook wall.

Just now I realized that I am steadily developing an interest in her as well and of course as with all humans a truckload of doubts are raised. "What if she just wants to work with me because I'm good at the given task?" "What if she just really wanted to see the movie?" You get the picture. Far-fetched and pessimistically biased. Except for one thing, she is having a sort of a rough patch right now and it occurred to me that maybe I am being put in the friendzone? It also occurs to me that I would prefer it if it weren't that way which leads me to my question; How exactly does one tell the friendzone from the relationshipzone?

Usually I wouldn't consider myself very well slated for the friendzone since I am relatively well-built and completely incapable of comforting/cuddling what with my lack of E.Q. (yes I do suffer from A.S) but I for some reason cannot shoot down this worrysome little thought.

I apologize for the wall of text. To summarize; How do I know if I am being put in the friendzone? Any help regardless of gender would be greatly appreciated and also if there are any details I've left out please ask.

 

[HK]

It's difficult to define when you're in the friendzone until you make an attempt at asking her out, which you want to do asap. The longer you wait, the better the chances are that she'll assume you have no interest.

Just do it since you're friends, if she does turn you down then she's guaranteed to be nice about it.

How does she act around you? The fact that she's keen to do things with you is a good sign, especially if it's her that suggests meeting up and not always you.

Also - if you're fresh out of a relationship, be careful that you're not just looking for someone convenient to fill the gap your ex left. It's very tempting to look for affection in any form when you've recently lost the person who used to give it to you.

 

[Diggin Deep]

It's difficult to define when you're in the friendzone until you make an attempt at asking her out, which you want to do asap. The longer you wait, the better the chances are that she'll assume you have no interest.

Just do it since you're friends, if she does turn you down then she's guaranteed to be nice about it.

How does she act around you? The fact that she's keen to do things with you is a good sign, especially if it's her that suggests meeting up and not always you.

Also - if you're fresh out of a relationship, be careful that you're not just looking for someone convenient to fill the gap your ex left. It's very tempting to look for affection in any form when you've recently lost the person who used to give it to you.

HK makes some great points here. It seems as for right now, the only way to find out for sure if you are in the freindzone or relationshipzone, is to take a chance and find out. Like HK said, for both of your benefit, you don't want it to be because you are on the "rebound". It sounds like there is great potential for either a long lasting friendship or a possible relaionship, or both...keep us posted!

I don't know if this helps, but this is a quote I try to live by...

"Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about
the ones who don’t. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it and if
it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would most
likely be worth it."

 

[Mokoto Kusanagi]

I see. I was sort of hoping that there was some form of typical behavioral pattern to it since I am usually to much of a coward to act on emotion alone.

If I were to imply in some way that I was interested in having a more romantic relationship with her and she were to turn me down would this typically damage our current relationship? I am not really worried about being dissed as much as I am worried that things would be awkward between us should things turn out unexpectedly.

Today in school we watched some movie in a very oddly decorated classroom due to the administration failing miserably at planning. As a result I laid down on a table in the back and turned my music up. After a while she came along and asked me to shift so that she could use my belly as a headrest. She tends to walk closely to me when we are walking next to each other. She also laughs and giggles a lot but I would guess that has more to do with her character than any potential feelings for me.

I do not believe I am looking for someone to fill the gap since I personally do not have a significant dependency on social interaction unless it is with very specific people who interest me.

 

[HK]

If I were to imply in some way that I was interested in having a more romantic relationship with her and she were to turn me down would this typically damage our current relationship? I am not really worried about being dissed as much as I am worried that things would be awkward between us should things turn out unexpectedly.

Possibly. Hard to say without knowing the two of you, but since you'd be the one getting rejected, it partly depends on your reaction. It's difficult for anyone to go from the hopeful possibility of a relationship to 'no, all we can be is friends'. If you can be okay with it if she rejects you, that'll help.

From what you've said? I think there's a very good chance that she's interested in you, which is why you need to act sooner rather than later. Yes, there's always the chance that with any attempt to transition from friend to girlfriend, she might feel weird about being propositioned and it could change things. If she genuinely does just want to be friends, she might feel like she needs to back off to prevent 'leading you on'.

But if you never take that chance, you potentially miss out on a relationship with someone you already get on very well with.

 

[Mokoto Kusanagi]

I dislike the leap of faith concept but I suppose both of you are right. Thank you for the kind and wise words. I will keep you posted on how this unfolds :thumbup

 

[JoeCool10]

If her pupils dilate and her nostrils flare when she looks at you, she's attracted.

 

[Diggin Deep]

If her pupils dilate and her nostrils flare when she looks at you, she's attracted.

...and most likely means that you better make sure one of you has protection!

 

[JoeCool10]

...and most likely means that you better make sure one of you has protection!

Might I suggest the Trojan Variety Pack?

 

[Diggin Deep]

Might I suggest the Trojan Variety Pack?

LOL...listen to the woman! Though we may not always want to admit it...they are more often than not...Right!

 

[Mokoto Kusanagi]

If her pupils dilate and her nostrils flare when she looks at you, she's attracted.

What exactly does a nostril do when it flares?

 

[FreightTrain]

What exactly does a nostril do when it flares?

It looks like the person just got done running a marathon, but they're only looking at you. Minus all of the sweaty armpits and the headband.

 

[Mokoto Kusanagi]

A problem has arisen. The person in question spontaneously asked me to accompany her and one of our friends just hanging around the city today. While we were heading to the subway we encountered a friend of mine who insisted on joining us despite the signals that the person I am interested in and our friend's rather obvious hints of "go away". As it turns out my friend is madly in love with her and immediately started competing with me for her attention by various means of poking and tickling which seemed a bit childish to me so I decided to back off. Eventually he lost it anyways and is now trying to hide the fact that he is mad with me. When I spoke to my ex (since we still talk about everything) about the situation it turns out we were not as good friends as I had been led to believe and she is jealous out her ears of the girl I am interested in and now both my friend and my ex are mad at me but neither have the nerve to confront me regarding the situation so that we could have a mature conversation. This could be solved relatively easily if one gives it a little time but I also note that in all the tumult I have become rather apathetic to the entire thing and not only have I little interest in salvaging the relationships with my ex and my friend but I am also losing interest in the girl I originally created the thread about. I'm not certain what I expect to gain from telling this to you or whether you will respond at all but I suppose I simply needed to communicate the matter and apparently none of my friends can be trusted with this sort of information.

 

[Diggin Deep]

Drama Drama Drama!!! Sounds like you have your hands full! Hopefully the relationship between you and your friend will mend itself over time. At this point in the situation, your friends are more important and a relationship / feelings for a girl should not come inbetween your friendship. I admire the fact that you are still able to maintain a civil relationship with your ex...it's healthy and sometimes rather uncommon. However, I've never seen a lot of good come out of talking with an ex about a potential new relationship with someone else. Regardless of the reasons you separated and how good your friendship is now, there are still feelings there and more often than not, jealousy will be the first emotion to arise. Give both of those relationships time and I'm sure everything will work out.

Having said that, what has made you lose interest in the girl you had feelings for? The drama that came about from having feelings for her? If so...the best advice I can give is don't give up on your happiness just because of a little drama or because it makes someone else jealous. I know your break up is still fresh, but you deserve to have some fun and explore your possiblities. Obviously she likes you...and it seems as if she is finding reasons to keep you involved in her life other than just school related things. Don't give up so easily!

 

[Mokoto Kusanagi]

I have never given up on my happiness. Even during the drama I would consider myself a happy person because I never forget about the countless possibilities that life presents me with and I NEVER forget the value that I've placed in my life. Problem is that as soon as friction occurs socially I tend to grow introverted very quickly since people rarely agree with me that this sort of mundane squabbling lacks meaning and purpose. This involves a relatively high degree of emotional apathy and I would suppose that is the reason I lose interest in the person I previously wanted to initiate an intimate relationship with. However I think your final point sort of rebooted my system because I can now view it all as a challenge so really, thank you for that one. I do have a lot on my hands but I have also have very large hands. I will return to post again when success is achieved in some form.

 

[MegaMike]

I'm thinking it's very obvious that this girl has feelings for you other than what you originaly worried about.

I went through (almost) the same series of events leading up to dating my current girlfriend.

I was wondering what she wanted, a friend of mine had a crush on her, my friend got mad, another girl got jealous, etc.

In the end for me, she wanted to be with me, my friend got over it, and the other girl moved on.

Anyway...

You said this girl wanted to lay her head down on your stomache in an earlier post, she may as well have been screaming " HEY, I LIKE YOU! "

Don't worry so much about the "friend" zone. You aren't being put in it, but you WILL be put in it if she doesn't think you really like her. Which is why you should not be taking your time.

Ignore the drama with your friend, your friend will get over it because he has no say on who this girl takes interest in, when he realises this everything will start to get better between the two of you. If he is really your friend then he wont let a girl come between your friendship. If she likes you then she wont pay him any mind so dont stress over him poking her and all that other nonsense, it's harmless.

Your ex is your ex, who cares if she gets jealous? You and her are finished right? Than don't get caught in that mess, it will only cause you grief. If you get mixed emotions about your ex-girlfriend, your chances with this other girl you like will wither away. And don't be surprised if you and this girl get together and she asks you to not talk to your ex girlfriend, in most cases this is something that happens.

I may have read this wrong but did you say this girl you like is the one that always tries to make excuses to spend time with you? Asking you to hang out around the city, etc. I think you need to try and make plans with her, don't always let her be the one to initiate these things. If you ever want to move forward than you need to start showing her your interested in less subtle ways. Eventually everything will fall into place, when your confident enough just ask her out.

 

[ATKU2]

Your Question: How do I know if I am being put in the friendzone?

My Answer: Well, it's kind of hard for people to notice this in advance. Personally, my thoughts for this are:
1: The girl generally only wants to do stuff in public and not well, by just you two.
2: She spends most of her time talking about lame a** crap instead of some rather interesting subject for the both of you.
3: The conversations last longer, while the actually intimate cuddles/touches/ect end sooner. Or basically, in other terms... "She ignores you" in a sense.

Here's some extra help found online:
http://www.wikihow.com/Escape-the-Friend-Zone
http://www.getoutofthefriendzone.com/
http://www.wikihow.com/Know-if-You-Are-in-the-Friend-Zone
If you want to know about everything, just kind of resort to Wiki. Sure, their information is all person based, but there's enough of it to make you think twice.

 

[Nomad]

Frankly speaking, I was a socially awkward child. I still have social anxiety. However, I don't want that to happen with my child and I frequently take him to gatherings and events so that he start feeling comfortable around people