Foot In Mouth

[Aeval]

OK, we've all done it, said something that's a total "doh" moment....here's my most recent:

I work in an office for a trucking/export company & there's about 20 guys in the back shop, mechanics, techs, labourers, etc. We bbq every Friday and the regular in-house "chef" wasn't available for the last one and I had to find a replacement. So I go out to the shop and ask the first few guys I see and no one would step up and I REALLY didn't want to, so I kept searching.

It so happened that, Dick, one of the labourers is great on the grill....so I was told. So brilliant me walks into the middle of the group of guys and say "I'm looking for Dick" and couldn't understand all the snickers (blond moment).

NEXT I track him down, beg him to cook and he finally agrees...so what do I do, I walk into the office so happy I was off the hook pronouncing "I love Dick", the lady at the desk in front of me nearly lost it laughing, that's when I finally realized what I was saying, lol, I haven't been able to live it down since. Dick is retiring and we're having a few drinks after work and we're passing around a card....I signed it: Awwww, Dick, I don't know how I'll get through a day without you!".

OK...tell me your story...I can't be the only one that speaks without thinking....

 

[Rachie]

I don't have s story, but that's pretty funny, lol.

 

[AUFred]

Good to know you like Dick.

I have said far too many for only one to stand out at the moment.

 

[jassilem]

I say things like that all then time.. then look confused when someone starts to laugh.. then about 10seconds later I am like oh shit.. turn beet red..

 

[Panacea]

That one's rough, I mean, how can you know someone named Dick and not embarrass yourself over and over? Silly name.

 

[darkcgi]

that is hilarious
we play the Anita Mann phone call to a woman that needs a man. It works well
and Mike Hunt is another good one.

 

[hart]

Oh Aeval I have so many "blonde" moments It would take too many threads to recount. My co-worker reminded me of one just the other day. He and another friend are both native American and we are all politically incorrect with each other a lot. We make fun of all sorts of sterotypes amongst ourselves, because we have been friends so long. So we were bantering back and forth via e-mail about needing some rain and them doing rain dances and then I meant to ask if they were going on any war parties, but I typed war panties. Steve said he hadn't been on any war panties could I tell him about them, did I have any, etc......definitely a blonde moment

 

[Aeval]

Oh Aeval I have so many "blonde" moments It would take too many threads to recount. My co-worker reminded me of one just the other day. He and another friend are both native American and we are all politically incorrect with each other a lot. We make fun of all sorts of sterotypes amongst ourselves, because we have been friends so long. So we were bantering back and forth via e-mail about needing some rain and them doing rain dances and then I meant to ask if they were going on any war parties, but I typed war panties. Steve said he hadn't been on any war panties could I tell him about them, did I have any, etc......definitely a blonde moment

Hahahaha....hilarious.

 

[darkcgi]

I have tunnel vision on logic I think logic so much partly because I am a programmer
So when people tell me things as metaphors or slang or tell me about something and it not being the exact name for the the item
i get the deer in the headlights look and im thinking wtf are they talking about
my boss told me to go and tell the other workers to get the work car started and lets go right now or will be late
i told them and they said hold on so i went and started the car cause it hot and to get the ac kicking
well 10 minutes later we were leaving and my boss said what the hell is the car doing running and I said duh you told me to get the car running
it apparently was just a motion to get everyone to hurry up and leave not literally get the car engine started

why didnt they just say what they meant
i dont say hurry up and put your shoes on if i really want to say we need to leave now or we will be late
i live in the south east so there is tons of slang so i just tell them i dont get it

 

[Aeval]

I have tunnel vision on logic I think logic so much partly because I am a programmer
So when people tell me things as metaphors or slang or tell me about something and it not being the exact name for the the item
i get the deer in the headlights look and im thinking wtf are they talking about
my boss told me to go and tell the other workers to get the work car started and lets go right now or will be late
i told them and they said hold on so i went and started the car cause it hot and to get the ac kicking
well 10 minutes later we were leaving and my boss said what the hell is the car doing running and I said duh you told me to get the car running
it apparently was just a motion to get everyone to hurry up and leave not literally get the car engine started

why didnt they just say what they meant
i dont say hurry up and put your shoes on if i really want to say we need to leave now or we will be late
i live in the south east so there is tons of slang so i just tell them i dont get it

Sorry, but that's funny. People here would have a great time messing with you! Sarcasm and innuendo is the way of life.

But I do know people that think the same way...nothing wrong with it, I think it's great, things must be much clearer and direct, which is always a good thing!

 

[hart]

That makes sense. You are a literal person, knowing that, people need to keep that in mind when talking to you. It reminds me of what happened to my mother. She married a southerner at age 15 (this was a long time ago). So after she had visited with her mother in law with her new hubby for the first time and mom and her hubby were walking away and had gotten a little ways away, her mother in law said, "You all come back now you hear". So Mom, turns around and starts coming back. Well in the South that was just what they said when one left, a simple goodbye. But to mom she thought she literally wanted her to come back. See, different communication style.

 

[darkcgi]

im can tell when it sarcasm or jokes but when people are serious
but i know most of the jokes because i was in the marines and we ran than jokes as far as we could
like sending the new guy to get stuff like
a sky hook for the camo netting
or a pricky6 which is a prick E-6 staff sargent rank we sent them to a staff sargent to ask for it
or a ID 10T form idiot form
or have them hold the end of the fire hose when we turn a water pump on full blast
i got caught with that one i held on to it and fell on my back
but i soaked someone in charge of us and he was in his inspection outfit he was pissed be he was laughing at me before they did it
we also had the new guy do the engineering test to try and win a 3 day weekend off work
blind fold them and have them use a hatchet to cut a quarter in half we replace the quarter with their hat then they have to wear their cut up hat all day at work
when you were leaving the group we donked you in a rubbert pool of water that has alge and weeks of untreated water

 

[hart]

DarkCGI I don't think I would like working where you do. I do NOT like practical jokes. They turn to often into cruelity for my taste.

 

[purpledove]

I dont have a funny story to tell either. Altho, I have a friend named Benedict. His friends and acquaintances like to call him 'Dick". He dislikes that nickname given he'd always been made fun of. He wants to be called 'Ben' instead.....

Your story is so funny. I like what you signed on his card too. :24:

 

[AUFred]

We have sent unknowlegeable for...
Board stretchers.
Board benders
Striped spray paint.
Camo spray paint.

Just to name a few.

 

[Darrell]

I am standing on a frozen parking lot in Alaska in FULL battle rattle, and I'm waiting for the bus to take me to my unit. It's cold, and windy, and miserable. The busses aren't coming, soon one shows up and people start piling on it in a frenzy. I'm thinking to myself "there has to be a better way" and then the bus driver comes out and says "sorry the rest of the busses are being de-iced, they will be here in 20 mins."

I lost it, LMAO. I said "It's been snowing for two fucking days, and you guys weren't prepared for this??? Who organized this cluster fuck?????"

and then the Group Commander who is a full bird Colonel turns around and says "I organized it Staff Sergeant, is there a problem?"

I couldn't speak. I just chewed on my proverbial boot.

 

[Aeval]

I am standing on a frozen parking lot in Alaska in FULL battle rattle, and I'm waiting for the bus to take me to my unit. It's cold, and windy, and miserable. The busses aren't coming, soon one shows up and people start piling on it in a frenzy. I'm thinking to myself "there has to be a better way" and then the bus driver comes out and says "sorry the rest of the busses are being de-iced, they will be here in 20 mins."

I lost it, LMAO. I said "It's been snowing for two fucking days, and you guys weren't prepared for this??? Who organized this cluster fuck?????"

and then the Group Commander who is a full bird Colonel turns around and says "I organized it Staff Sergeant, is there a problem?"

I couldn't speak. I just chewed on my proverbial boot.

*GULP*

Oopsie!

 

[Darrell]

*GULP*

Oopsie!

Meh. That was the worst of it. I never learned my lesson.

 

[redliner]

That is a funny story for sure. I have a few like that. Just can't remember them of hand. Sometime things just come in my mouth. :ninja

 

[Darrell]

Sometime things just come in my mouth. :ninja

I'm not touching that one. :24: