Do You Hate?

[Aeval]

I just had a discussion with a woman at work. She has 2 children but lost 5 due to an abusive husband, she stayed with him for 10 years, the entire time he beat her on a regular basis. When she left - she left with 2 small children (2 and 7) with 3 dollars in her pocket.

She forgave him. They do not have a relationship now, but she knew for inner peace she had to let go and forgive.

Would you be able to forgive or would you hold onto the hurt and anger?

 

[AUFred]

Releasing the hurt and anger would be difficult. Forgiving and forgetting are two different things. I have tried to rebuild some past burned bridges but I am always cautious.

 

[hart]

I don't know. I would have to be in that situation to know. I can't see myself being in a situation where I was beaten, mentally abused yes, but beaten no-I have a gun and I would get to it if not that time then the next.....so I can't see me in THAT situation. Now my 1st husband did mentally abuse me, but no children were involved. Did I forgive him.......well, maybe not but I moved on from it and I don't dwell on it, having no children with him I also have no reason to have any contact with him-we both remarried, him to a mail order bride (God help her) he is out of the Country-or at least he was 6 months a year so I really don't think of him much. My hubby now wants to kill him more than me.

 

[Natasha]

I could forgive for my own sanity...but I wouldn't forget and I wouldn't trust him ever again. I've never been physically abused by a boyfriend, but my most recent ex showed some tendencies that scared me. I got out of that quick.

 

[porterjack]

i think she was right to forgive, for her sake not his

 

[Aeval]

i think she was right to forgive, for her sake not his

I agree. I know far too many that hold onto the anger and it beats them down.

My friend is doing extremely well now, that was nearly 20 years ago. She recently retired as a bank manager in our home town and started working here with us, making fantastic money, living the life she always dreamed about.

She has such a great outlook on life...going through that made her the person she is today, which is an extremely kind and caring individual.

 

[Jackass master]

I always figure if you go through life carrying grudges you will wear yourself out quicker and never really enjoy life as was intended. I have had enough pain in life, why should I carry more?

 

[freakofnature]

I always figure if you go through life carrying grudges you will wear yourself out quicker and never really enjoy life as was intended. I have had enough pain in life, why should I carry more?

I wish my Dad could realize this. He carries much bitterness in his heart and it makes him a very ugly person at times.

 

[Minderella]

I hate my ex, and I won't forgive him for the things he did to me and put me through for a very, very long time--if ever.

Right now, hating him and not forgiving him (the things he did were unforgivable for me, even if "forgiving" him would be more for me than him) gives me some sense of control over a situation I had very little control over.

Maybe one day I'll see things differently, but right now--I can't even fathom it.

 

[keano]

No i don't think i could ever forgive that especially if it was over such a lengthy time aswell. There are things that can be forgiven but a man beating up a woman is one of the lowest things where i'm from you hardly hear about it but when you do on my estate people like that get hurt and bullied.

 

[darkcgi]

I say that I have learned and understand that some people are like they are because of their parents.
I used to think that we can choose what we do, but I now know that the tendencies are passed down by their parents DNA and actions during child growth.
but yes you do have a choice but its a tough decision to make if it is threaded in you due to bad parents.

 

[Dana]

Inner peace? Screw that mantra...

 

[Aeval]

I hate my ex, and I won't forgive him for the things he did to me and put me through for a very, very long time--if ever.

Right now, hating him and not forgiving him (the things he did were unforgivable for me, even if "forgiving" him would be more for me than him) gives me some sense of control over a situation I had very little control over.

Maybe one day I'll see things differently, but right now--I can't even fathom it.

But you can't control something that has already happened, so why bother hanging onto it? I have friends that think the way you do and I just don't get it, I feel you're (general sense) missing out on so much by allowing that to linger.

 

[jassilem]

Abuse is a funny thing.

I can forgive so a certain degree but trust is gone forever. And will never come back.

 

[Aeval]

Abuse is a funny thing.

I can forgive so a certain degree but trust is gone forever. And will never come back.

I think *you* should forgive for your own sake, but hell no...never trust the fucker again.

 

[jassilem]

I think *you* should forgive for your own sake, but hell no...never trust the fucker again.

In personal experience trying to forgive hasn't helped.. the act of cut out of life.. move on has been more helpful. *shrugs*

 

[Aeval]

In personal experience trying to forgive hasn't helped.. the act of cut out of life.. move on has been more helpful. *shrugs*

I guess in a sense, the way I'm thinking of it anyway...I mean moving on, to me that's a way of forgiving. I don't mean to be in a relationship with that person ever again or to let them continue to abuse you and forgive each time.

I just don't get why someone would let the hate fester - there's no benefit to that. What's the saying...that would be like cutting yourself but expecting the other person to bleed.

 

[jassilem]

For me getting out and away was the best way to handle the situation.

And true I totally get that one..

 

[Francis]

Unlike Love, Hate is a negative emotion that builds up inside you to a point of explosion IMO.

Hate and Anger just like Love and Happiness go together.. You often get angry more often towards other people you don't even realize if you are angry at anyone, especially someone hurting you. This is why they have counsellors for people who go through a lot of pain but you need to help yourself.

 

[Jackass master]

There are those folks that a well placed 22cal. in the kneecap is the only way to relieve it as well.