Dear Santa Letters

[Jersey]

DearSanta



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Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at Veronica's Christmas party. It was Natasha who spiked the punch with too much martini. I can't help it if I drank 88 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like warm vanilla sugar.

I thought it was funny when I put Kristen's bra on my head and danced the cupid shuffle on the recliner while singing `Last Name'. I didn't mean to break Veronica's ipod and don't know why Veronica would sue me for murder.

I don't remember calling John's wife a pretty cow---even though she looked like one with green eye shadow and blue lipstick!
And when I threw up on Brandy's husband's leg, it was only because I ate too much of that pasta.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my Honda Civic through my neighbor's bathroom. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a ugly pug and have me arrested for robbery!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all silly and psychotic. And I'm really not to blame for any of this angry stuff.
Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!


Sincerely and quickly yours,
Heather (Really a nice girl!)
P.S. It's only 17 bucks!

 

[BadBoy@TheWheel]

Dear Santa,


I have been a good Boy.

It really wasn't my fault what happened at Troy's Christmas party. It was George who spiked the punch with too much Scotch. I can't help it if I drank 13 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like Soap.

I thought it was funny when I put Mike's Shirt on my head and danced the Waltz on the Chai while singing `Size Matters'. I didn't mean to break Troy's MP3 Player and don't know why Troy would sue me for Never.

I don't remember calling Troy's wife a No Chicken---even though she looked like one with Blue eye shadow and Red lipstick!
And when I threw up on Tammy's husband's Leg, it was only because I ate too much of that Mexican.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my Ducati through my neighbor's Roof. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a Yes Dog and have me arrested for None!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all Never and Maybe. And I'm really not to blame for any of this Perhaps stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and As yours,
Evan (Really a nice Boy!)

P.S. It's only 1 bucks!

 

[Natasha]

Dear Santa,
I have been a good Girl.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at Veronica's Christmas party. It was Jersey who spiked the punch with too much Amaretto Sour. I can't help it if I drank 55 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like Puke.
I thought it was funny when I put Elizabeth's panties on my head and danced the funky chicken on the leather sofa while singing `Swing'. I didn't mean to break Veronica's vibrator and don't know why Veronica would sue me for battery.
I don't remember calling Mark's wife a ugly horse---even though she looked like one with blue eye shadow and green lipstick!
And when I threw up on Dale's husband's butt, it was only because I ate too much of that chicken.
After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my Corolla through my neighbor's living room. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a smelly dog and have me arrested for incest!
So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all stupid and crazy. And I'm really not to blame for any of this ditzy stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!
Sincerely and damaged yours,
Natasha (Really a nice Girl!) P.S. It's only 25 bucks!

 

[Natasha]

Bwahahahahahhaahhahahahaha!!! It's just great that I broke Veronica's vibrator and she charged me w/ battery!!! LOL

 

[wednesday]

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at darren's Christmas party. It was Russ who spiked the punch with too much red wine. I can't help it if I drank 69 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like eden.
I thought it was funny when I put Charlene's ra ra skirt on my head and danced the mc hammer on the foot stool while singing `Im to sexy'. I didn't mean to break darren's Vibrator and don't know why darren would sue me for theft.
I don't remember calling Trevor's wife a bad piglet---even though she looked like one with black eye shadow and pink lipstick!
And when I threw up on claire 's husband's belly, it was only because I ate too much of that jelly.
After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my push bike through my neighbor's kitchen. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a clumsy dog and have me arrested for break!
So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all eager and early. And I'm really not to blame for any of this fancy stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!
Sincerely and after yours,
Wednesday (Really a nice girl!)
P.S. It's only 69 bucks!

 

[wednesday]

lmfao @ arrested for break...?? did someone get the wrong box?...hhahahahaaaaa

 

[Rowlf]

Hey Santa claus

Where's me fucking bike?

I've unwrapped all this other junk and there's nothing that I like.

I wrote you a fucking letter and I come to see you twice

Ya worn out geriatric fart, you forgot me fucking bike.

If I wanted a pair of bloody thongs, I'd have bloody asked.

And this cowboy suit and ping pong set you can shove right up your arse!

You've stuffed me bloody order up

It's enough to make you spew

And I'm not the only one who's snakey

Me sisters dirty too!

(female voice)
Hey santa clause you c*nt!

Where's me fucking pram?

You promised me you'd bring me one, you remember who I am.

'Cause I'm the little girl who you made sit right on your hand

I'll give you fucking ho ho ho

You forgot me fucking pram

(male voice)
Next time I come to see ya, I'm gonna punch you in the guts

And I'll let your fucking reihndeer go and kick Rudolf in the nuts!

You just wait 'till next year, when you go to that store

And me and me little sister, come stomping through the door

And we'll say, yeah you wait for it

Hey mums and dads you smell his breath and check his bloodshot eyes

And don't listen to him boys and girls 'cause he tells fucking lies

He's just a piss tank and a pervert, and he's not even very bright

'Cause the old fucking wanker Forgot me fucking bike.

You wait you old c*nt, I'm gonna dob you in

Tell me old man on you, he's gonna punch your fucking lights out

"I saw mummy sucking santa clause"


love

Kevin ' bloody' Wilson

 

[wednesday]

Rowlf you doughnut...theres a link at the top...hahahaha Wtf did u find this?

 

[BlackCherry]

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl.

It really wasn't my fault what happened at Chicky's Christmas party. It was Becky who spiked the punch with too much AJ Bombs. I can't help it if I drank 12 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like vanilla.

I thought it was funny when I put Mark's bra on my head and danced the the roger rabbit on the four poster bed while singing `Won't Get Fooled Again'. I didn't mean to break Chicky's BlackBerry and don't know why Chicky would sue me for agricultural vandalism.

I don't remember calling Gareth's wife a hysterical cow---even though she looked like one with black eye shadow and green lipstick!

And when I threw up on Cappe's husband's tongue, it was only because I ate too much of that steak.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my PAT bus through my neighbor's bedroom. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a ridiculous penguin and have me arrested for grand theft auto!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all sexy and impossible. And I'm really not to blame for any of this silly stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and lovingly yours,
Jen (Really a nice girl!)
P.S. It's only 74 bucks!

 

[Rowlf]

Rowlf you doughnut...theres a link at the top...hahahaha Wtf did u find this?

didnt see link at top sowwy will do it after bath

its Kevin Wilson Aussie comedian / singer bloke

 

[jassilem]

Dear Santa,

I have been a good Girl.

It really wasn't my fault what happened at Connie's Christmas party. It was Sheila who spiked the punch with too much pepsi. I can't help it if I drank 7 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like pumpkin pie.

I thought it was funny when I put Connie's blouse on my head and danced the funky chicken on the couch while singing `Won't Get Fooled again'. I didn't mean to break Connie's DVD player and don't know why Connie would sue me for speeding.

I don't remember calling Aurel's wife a short donkey---even though she looked like one with blue eye shadow and pink lipstick!

And when I threw up on Felicia 's husband's arm, it was only because I ate too much of that pizza.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my car through my neighbor's kitchen. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a long duck and have me arrested for assult !

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all small and large. And I'm really not to blame for any of this funny stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and extremely yours,
Melissa (Really a nice Girl!)
P.S. It's only 80 bucks!

 

[Jersey]

Dear santa I don't want anything this year I just want all my mates on offtopicz to have great health and a great year in 2009 luv bhx
P.s. can u make sure my family have a great time this year all the children for little wonders are getting there presants
thanks u bhx

Umm click the website in the original post..

 

[BeautifulHeart]

Umm click the website in the original post..

removed it lol sorry

 

[RedRyder]

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl.

It really wasn't my fault what happened at Wedzy's Christmas party. It was Alien Allen who spiked the punch with too much Frozen Strawberry Daiquiri. I can't help it if I drank 21 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like Soap.

I thought it was funny when I put Melissa's panty on my head and danced the two step on the desk while singing `Keep Bleeding Love'. I didn't mean to break Wedzy's Computer and don't know why Wedzy would sue me for B&E.

I don't remember calling Evan's wife a large Chicken---even though she looked like one with red eye shadow and blue lipstick!

And when I threw up on Mary's husband's breast, it was only because I ate too much of that pizza.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my pickup truck through my neighbor's porch. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a funny dog and have me arrested for theft!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all happy and low. And I'm really not to blame for any of this expanded stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and extremely yours,
RedRyder (Really a nice girl!)

P.S. It's only 7 bucks!

 

[Jersey]

LOL- I blamed Tasha and Tasha blamed me for spiking the punch!!!

 

[Alien Allen]

Dear Santa,

I have been a good boy. It really wasn't my fault what happened at Dipstick's Christmas party. It was Dumbass who spiked the punch with too much Whisky. I can't help it if I drank 85 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like Beer Farts.

I thought it was funny when I put Bitch's crotchless panties on my head and danced the Funky Chicken on the Water Bed while singing `Play the Funky Music White Boy'. I didn't mean to break Dipstick's Vibrator and don't know why Dipstick would sue me for dealing drugs.

I don't remember calling Bubba's wife a fucking Bitch---even though she looked like one with Pink eye shadow and Black lipstick! And when I threw up on Juanita's husband's Tits, it was only because I ate too much of that Filet Mignon.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my Rolls Royce through my neighbor's bathroom. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a friggin prick and have me arrested for killing the cat!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all fucked and fuckity fuck. And I'm really not to blame for any of this damn stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and oops yours,
Alien Allen (Really a nice guy!)

P.S. It's only 1 Million bucks!

 

[pjbleek]

Dear Santa,
I have been a good boy
It really wasn't my fault what happened at Wednesday's/Red Ryder/Jersey's/Natasha's/Keights Christmas party. It was I who spiked the punch with too much mexican fly/sex juice. I can't help it if I drank 1 glass. It was so awful---smelled and tasted just like warm piss.

I thought it was funny when I put Peter Parka's jock-strap on my head and danced the Electric Slide on the recliner while singing `Oh me so horny'. I didn't mean to break Melissa's ipod and don't know why Jersey would sue me for murder.

I don't remember calling Reckless Tim's wife a pretty cow---even though she looked like one with green eye shadow and blue lipstick!
And when I threw up on Danzer's wife's leg, it was only because I ate too much of the brownies.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my Lexus through my neighbor's bathroom. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a ugly pug and have me arrested for robbery!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all silly and psychotic. And I'm really not to blame for any of this angry stuff.
Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!


Sincerely and quickly yours,
PJ (the anti-christ)
no need to post bail....after all it was I who suggested the name of Mel Gibson's new movie "Passion of the Uncircumcised"

 

[Alien Allen]

funny shit there PJ

 

[sierrabravo]

dear santa,
a winning lotto ticket. please? I was good this year.

 

[nursey1972]

Dear Santa,


I have been a good Girl.

It really wasn't my fault what happened at Stacey's Christmas party. It was Kristen who spiked the punch with too much Totsie Roll. I can't help it if I drank 36 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like pissy pants.

I thought it was funny when I put Pam's Push-up bra on my head and danced the Cotton Eyed Joe on the Entertainment Center while singing `Ice Ice Baby'. I didn't mean to break Stacey's MP3 player and don't know why Stacey would sue me for assault with a deadly weapon.

I don't remember calling Thomas's wife a Hard goat---even though she looked like one with blue eye shadow and pink lipstick!

And when I threw up on Suzie's husband's head, it was only because I ate too much of that Taco.
After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my VW bus through my neighbor's bedroom. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a loud ferret and have me arrested for disturbing the peace!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all drunk and wet. And I'm really not to blame for any of this dirty stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and quickly yours,


Stacy (Really a nice Girl!) P.S. It's only 27 bucks!