Damn kid

[sophie]

And I wish I could convey to you how he is feeling as a child who has special needs which are CLEARLY not being met and on top of that, he has to deal with resentment in his home.

 

[leo305]

oh.. he has special needs

i was about to suggest a good beating

 

[Qu1cksh0t]

Mh, on the one hand I understand both sides. It certainly isn't easy to care for a kid you do not really like and you can't understand.

On the other hand...just from my own experience (had been hated and psychoterrorised by my stepmother for over 18 years) I can only appeal to your patience. If I understood right this kid "only visits" you for 2 months?
Then try to remember every minute that it all has an end soon and try to stay calm.

@Leo: do you think that's funny?!

 

[anathelia]

i really wish i could convey to you how i am feeling as a person who does not have children, and suddenly has to care for a special needs kid for two months

There are people in worse situations that handle it better. It's one thing to feel the way that you do, but an entirely other thing to treat someone (especially a child) badly because of it. It simply isn't fair. Like mister gs here just said..he'll be gone soon. If that's what you need to focus on to get through it, then focus on it. Just, please, don't take it out on him. Believe me. I have a 5 year old half brother who's developmentally challenged that I have to deal with on a daily basis now. I DO understand how frustrating it can be. But you just have to remember that it's NOT his fault. He shouldn't be punished.

 

[Grin]

How sad for you all... I hope it works out for you and the kid, Sierra.

 

[Peter Parka]

I understand poth points here. Just because a kid has special needs dosen't mean you're not going to get wound the fuck up about it just because you're not supposed to. I may have aspergers myself but I also find a lot of other aspies hard to deal with, nothing personal but I just find most of them boring as fuck. You just have to keep reminding yourself that this kid cant help it, he's not doing it to deliberately wind you up and expressing a negative attitude toward him, however subtle is only going to make things worse. Think the key here is not taking it personally. :thumbup

 

[sierrabravo]

ok so what are your suggestions about when a 13 year old boy goes to the bathroom in his pants "because the bathroom is too far away?" in a 900 sq foot house? I have tried spanking, scolding, i have even tried telling him the medical issues from doing this and getting bacterial infections from it. I have tried discipline for the child. i have tried sitting down with him and asking him why he does what he does. He does it on purpose, he said he doesn't feel like getting up because the tv is more important. he gets plenty of attention throughout the day. we take him places like fishing and the beach and the park and what have you. what do you suggest i do for the next 7 days until he goes home? I think some have misunderstood me, i do not call him shit stain to his face! I have even publicly apologized for saying what i think about the child. the kid has no regard for his own health and safety or my own wife's health and safety. If you have a better suggestion, i would really like to hear it. Like i said, he has 7 days left here when he returns to his father in new jersey. i have cared more for this child than his own father has.

 

[anathelia]

ok so what are your suggestions about when a 13 year old boy goes to the bathroom in his pants "because the bathroom is too far away?" in a 900 sq foot house? I have tried spanking, scolding, i have even tried telling him the medical issues from doing this and getting bacterial infections from it. I have tried discipline for the child. i have tried sitting down with him and asking him why he does what he does. He does it on purpose, he said he doesn't feel like getting up because the tv is more important. he gets plenty of attention throughout the day. we take him places like fishing and the beach and the park and what have you. what do you suggest i do for the next 7 days until he goes home? I think some have misunderstood me, i do not call him shit stain to his face! I have even publicly apologized for saying what i think about the child. the kid has no regard for his own health and safety or my own wife's health and safety. If you have a better suggestion, i would really like to hear it. Like i said, he has 7 days left here when he returns to his father in new jersey. i have cared more for this child than his own father has.

Unfortunately, you can't change in two months what's bee taught over X number of years. Just try and be patient. He'll be leaving soon. Again, I understand better than you realize. My brother just started kindergarten last week and he still wears pull-ups most of the time because he just doesn't care enough about his own personal hygiene..because that's how much my mom and her dumbass boyfriend have treated him from day one.

 

[Burntblood]

Damn dude, don't you think taking him to Red Lobster is punishment enough?

 

[sierrabravo]

Unfortunately, you can't change in two months what's bee taught over X number of years. Just try and be patient. He'll be leaving soon. Again, I understand better than you realize. My brother just started kindergarten last week and he still wears pull-ups most of the time because he just doesn't care enough about his own personal hygiene..because that's how much my mom and her dumbass boyfriend have treated him from day one.

his father doesn't care (i think, i don't know for sure). I know that this behavior has been "reinforced" over the years with his parents just picking up after him. I know i can't change this, and I have been patient with him for the time he has been here. I have tried disciplining him, but i don't think it means anything to him because i think his father or mother don't even discipline him.

 

[sierrabravo]

Damn dude, don't you think taking him to Red Lobster is punishment enough?

actually the one here is "not bad" by comparison, but my wife suggested leaving him in the care of my ailing grandparents, and i said no (as you know i have had problems with him, and i had no idea how my alzheimers grandparents would react to him for two hours)

 

[retro]

I'm a little late to this thread... and while I don't have any experience dealing with a child like that previously, there are some things that come to mind that might help a little bit.

You seem to get upset with him over everything, at least from what you've posted... if you get upset when he does something you don't approve of, but don't provide any type of positive reinforcement if he doesn't, then he has no motivation to do what is "acceptable". You mentioned that he asked your wife to make chocolate milk for him and she told him to do it himself, but he didn't know how... it seems to me that the better course of action rather than getting upset or making it for him would be to show him how to make it for himself, that way he's capable of doing it in the future, and if the situation comes up again, you can remind him that he knows how to make it himself.

As far as the bathroom situation goes... my sister (while not having any disabilities) had issues with wetting the bed nearly every night until she was 10... it does happen, and she didn't really think anything of it for the longest time, despite my parents getting upset with her for it. There needs to be some sort of motivation for him to want to get up and use the toilet, because quite obviously, not shitting his pants isn't enough for him.

I know you think that you've been more patient with him that anything else in your life before... but this seems like a situation where you're going to be frustrated no matter how patient you are. But you need to be focused on what you can do to deal with that frustration, because getting upset and taking it out on him in any way shape or form, from discipline to verbal treatment, obviously isn't going to help, and quite likely will only serve to exacerbate the problem.

After seeing the contempt you have for him in your posts here, one can only assume that it spills over into your dealings with him every day. You really need to take a step back and realize that while he's frustrating, and you don't understand him... he still needs love and attention like any "normal" child, and that you're only going to have to deal with him for a little while longer. If he has no regard for his own health and safety, then perhaps that should be taught to him... I don't think you're really going to accomplish anything substantial in the next 7 days, but it could help serve as a building block for when he goes home, and for when he comes and stays with you again.

Again, these are just my thoughts on the matter... take them as you will.

 

[sierrabravo]

ok so here's another thing that just happened to reinforce the fact that he KNOWS how to do things but refuses to do things himself. 20 minutes ago he toasted a poptart in the toaster. no problem. just now he asked me to make bacon in the microwave for a sandwich. i said "ok i'll cook the bacon so you don't burn yourself." after the bacon was cooked, he looked at the bag of bread longingly and asked me if i could take the bread out and toast it for him. he said he doesn't know how to use the toaster!!!

 

[retro]

ok so here's another thing that just happened to reinforce the fact that he KNOWS how to do things but refuses to do things himself. 20 minutes ago he toasted a poptart in the toaster. no problem. just now he asked me to make bacon in the microwave for a sandwich. i said "ok i'll cook the bacon so you don't burn yourself." after the bacon was cooked, he looked at the bag of bread longingly and asked me if i could take the bread out and toast it for him. he said he doesn't know how to use the toaster!!!

except that you're not thinking like a kid, especially one that has learning disabilities... he knows how to toast a Pop Tart, but that doesn't mean that he knows how to toast bread. It might seem simple to you and I, but to a child with a disability, while the concept is the same, to him it's completely different because a Pop Tart and toast aren't the same thing.

 

[sierrabravo]

except that you're not thinking like a kid, especially one that has learning disabilities... he knows how to toast a Pop Tart, but that doesn't mean that he knows how to toast bread. It might seem simple to you and I, but to a child with a disability, while the concept is the same, to him it's completely different because a Pop Tart and toast aren't the same thing.

i forgot to mention that he made toast last night sorry. he knows how to.

 

[Burntblood]

actually the one here is "not bad" by comparison

I was just kidding anyway. I eat there a couple of times a month.
Good luck with the kid but he is 13. Teenagers are a different species. You gotta pick your battles.

 

[sierrabravo]

I was just kidding anyway. I eat there a couple of times a month.
Good luck with the kid but he is 13. Teenagers are a different species. You gotta pick your battles.

i remember being that age too, before we could afford video games i regaled myself in make-believe battles with palm trees and watching reruns of the original star trek on a very old black and white tv with no tuner nob and broken rabbit ears antenna :willy_nilly: no ipods or flatscreens or xbox 360's. just rocks and grass were my playthings lol

 

[Alien Allen]

ok so here's another thing that just happened to reinforce the fact that he KNOWS how to do things but refuses to do things himself. 20 minutes ago he toasted a poptart in the toaster. no problem. just now he asked me to make bacon in the microwave for a sandwich. i said "ok i'll cook the bacon so you don't burn yourself." after the bacon was cooked, he looked at the bag of bread longingly and asked me if i could take the bread out and toast it for him. he said he doesn't know how to use the toaster!!!

make him do it himself then. Show him how to do it. If he asks again then just repeat it again. I know it is frustrating. But not much more you can do than to show him how to do stuff like that. Some things you can not control but making him make his own food even if you have to continually direct can be done.

 

[sierrabravo]

make him do it himself then. Show him how to do it. If he asks again then just repeat it again. I know it is frustrating. But not much more you can do than to show him how to do stuff like that. Some things you can not control but making him make his own food even if you have to continually direct can be done.

he knows how to do this stuff, i have seen him do it before, like the toast and the chocolate milk issue. i tell him to do it and he does it right there in front of me. he just doesn't want to do anything for himself. *shrug*

 

[leo305]

ok so what are your suggestions about when a 13 year old boy goes to the bathroom in his pants "because the bathroom is too far away?" in a 900 sq foot house? I have tried spanking, scolding, i have even tried telling him the medical issues from doing this and getting bacterial infections from it. I have tried discipline for the child. I have tried sitting down with him and asking him why he does what he does. He does it on purpose, he said he doesn't feel like getting up because the tv is more important. He gets plenty of attention throughout the day. We take him places like fishing and the beach and the park and what have you. What do you suggest i do for the next 7 days until he goes home? I think some have misunderstood me, i do not call him shit stain to his face! I have even publicly apologized for saying what i think about the child. The kid has no regard for his own health and safety or my own wife's health and safety. If you have a better suggestion, i would really like to hear it. Like i said, he has 7 days left here when he returns to his father in new jersey. i have cared more for this child than his own father has.

orphanage