Matthew and Leland should not be together because...
- Matthew calls Leland his “baby boy”. Leland calls Matthew “that dirty Irishman”.
- Generally, when a person is married it is a big sign that says “DON’T SLEEP WITH ME.” Leland, apparently, is illiterate.
- When Matthew stranded Leland in Toronto, the intensity of Leland’s anger was priceless. To be honest, we would pay to see Leland that mad again.
- Matt and Leland never argue about finances. They both know perfectly well that Leland has no money, and Matt is in no position to spend the money he has. But sometimes Leland needs cash. He’ll ask Matt, and as a result, neither of them ever have cash to pay for anything.
- No one recalls exactly what the argument was about, but everyone remembers the look on both Matt and Leland’s faces as Leland tilted the entire contents of his dinner plate onto Matt’s shirt and lap. Both of them wore that slight smile of victory, so no one is sure who won that one.
- It seems that wherever Matt needs to be, Leland is somehow magically in the way, even if he was thirty feet across the room a millisecond before.
- When Matt was about to bike into town, Leland sidled into the doorway and asked, “Can you pick something up for me from the antique store? I bought a desk.” Matt looked at his bike, looked at Leland, looked back at his bike, pondered how he would carry a desk on a pedal bike, and then flatly said, “No.”
- They are so damn comfortable with the fact that Leland is a tiny, fucking twig with ridiculously small hands, and Matt is a weirdo who owns a zebra print vest… and actually wears it.
- Matt has the words “BIKE LOVE” tattooed on his toes.
