THESE ARE ALL TRUE STORIES, FROM EMERGENCY ROOMS AROUND THE COUNTRY:
FEMALE SOFA----- A 500 lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a hospital.
During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime
was found under one of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged
between the folds of her vulva.
PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH! In Michigan, a man came into the ER with
lacerations to his penis. He complained that his wife had "...a rat in her
privates..." which bit him during sex (not the first conclusion I would have
drawn, I don't think). After an examination of his wife, it was revealed
that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy.
PING PONG ANYONE?----- A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony
mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around
with concrete mix, when his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into
his anus using a funnel (you'd do the same, I'm sure!)?!!. The concrete then
hardened, (no shit; Sherlock!), causing constipation and pain. Under general
anesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed along
with a ping pong ball. (Boy - we live sheltered lives!)
BLIND DRUNK----- A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of
severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they
would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to
help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor examined
him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had
been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea.
OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH!----- A couple hobbled into a Washington State
emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his hands
around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually
explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic
dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer
oral sex to the man (Classy or what??). While in the act, she had an
epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench
it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and
stabbed her in the head until she let go.
FEMALE SOFA----- A 500 lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a hospital.
During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime
was found under one of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged
between the folds of her vulva.
PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH! In Michigan, a man came into the ER with
lacerations to his penis. He complained that his wife had "...a rat in her
privates..." which bit him during sex (not the first conclusion I would have
drawn, I don't think). After an examination of his wife, it was revealed
that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy.
PING PONG ANYONE?----- A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony
mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around
with concrete mix, when his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into
his anus using a funnel (you'd do the same, I'm sure!)?!!. The concrete then
hardened, (no shit; Sherlock!), causing constipation and pain. Under general
anesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed along
with a ping pong ball. (Boy - we live sheltered lives!)
BLIND DRUNK----- A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of
severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they
would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to
help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor examined
him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had
been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea.
OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH!----- A couple hobbled into a Washington State
emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his hands
around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually
explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic
dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer
oral sex to the man (Classy or what??). While in the act, she had an
epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench
it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and
stabbed her in the head until she let go.
