Am I being unreasonable?

[dancingpotato]

A couple of weekends ago, I went to a meet up of 10 girls from another forum I am a member of. As you can imagine, with 10 girls there was nothing short of a drama or two. One of the girls had a go at me for talking to a guy who she had, shall we say, relations with. Instead of asking me what was going on, she threw a tantrum and stormed out the club. Anyway she apologised and I put it down to the drink and I've now put it behind me.

My dilemma is now, that she wants to come and visit myself and another girl who lives near me who was also at this meet up, along with a 3rd girl who I got along with really well. Now they have (rightly or wrongly) assumed that they are going to stay with me or the other girl who lives near me. Myself, being the one who lives 10 mins from the centre of town, would be the choice of place to stay, cheaper taxi's to and from town (could walk if needed to). I have said I don't have space for them to stay here. I live in a 2 bed, on my own but I've had people to stay before and it became claustrophobic. Also with the drama that has happened and knowing that two of the girls tend to vomit after too much drink, I would prefer not to have them stay here. I am someone who needs a break too, 30 mins by myself every so often, for example.

I know that everyone wants it to be a cheap weekend, I do too, but when mentioned a travel lodge at £29 a night, the response was "I'll have to see what money I have". That is only £29 each as they would share a room. They would need to get a taxi to the pubs but you need one from mine too. Do you guys think I am being unreasonable in not wanting them to stay with me? I am starting to doubt that I am being reasonable and unless someone agrees that I am not being unreasonable, I will probably cave and let them stay then end up regretting it.

 

[Jezzebelle]

I don't think you're being unreasonable. You need to stand up for yourself, and be firm. It's ok to say "No" to people, I promise. I think people get more mad/upset, if you're wishy-washy about it and then they think it's OK, while you don't think it is and it leads to resentment. Just flat out say, "I'm sorry but I don't have the room, and you're going to have to get a room at "wherever" if you're going to come this weekend."

 

[AUFred]

One should only offer their home if they are comfortable doing so. Assuming someone is willing to let you stay with them is presumptious. I would say stick with your comfort zone.

 

[Accountable]

Consider: What would you do should she stay at your house and decide to throw another tantrum?

 

[dancingpotato]

Consider: What would you do should she stay at your house and decide to throw another tantrum?

That's what keeps going round in my head. And over something so stupid. No escape.

 

[Merciless]

I don't think you're being unreasonable. You need to stand up for yourself, and be firm. It's ok to say "No" to people, I promise. I think people get more mad/upset, if you're wishy-washy about it and then they think it's OK, while you don't think it is and it leads to resentment. Just flat out say, "I'm sorry but I don't have the room, and you're going to have to get a room at "wherever" if you're going to come this weekend."

I have to agree with Jezzebelle. Standing up for yourself is important. It makes you that much stronger. If you cave in and let them stay they may think that anytime they come in to visit they can always stay at your place. Stick to your guns and do what you feel is the best thing.

 

[Accountable]

That's what keeps going round in my head. And over something so stupid. No escape.

There's your answer then.

 

[hart]

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I wouldn't want to clean up after someone who puked unless they were a damn close friend Stick to your guns.....

 

[Mercury]

I don't think you're being unreasonable. You need to stand up for yourself, and be firm. It's ok to say "No" to people, I promise. I think people get more mad/upset, if you're wishy-washy about it and then they think it's OK, while you don't think it is and it leads to resentment. Just flat out say, "I'm sorry but I don't have the room, and you're going to have to get a room at "wherever" if you're going to come this weekend."

This is really well said and is excellent advice. :thumbup

 

[Abcinthia]

YANBU. Stand up, be firm and say "NO".

It's your house and if you do not want them staying, then that is up to you. You shouldn't be bullied into agreeing with something you aren't comfortable with so people can save a few quid. Especially if they might throw up or cause drama.

 

[Joe the meek]

No, you are not being unreasonable. IMO you should say no.

That said, you know who your real friends are not when you're going to party and have a good time, but when you need REAL help.

 

[Jaybird]

I would never assume I could stay at someone else's home. If they invite me too, great, but it seems like you stated from the get go that you do not have room. It maybe different if it is someone Ive known very well and have stayed at their home many times before, ie...it maybe okay to make a small assumption, but that doesnt seem to be the case here at all.

Plus you took the time to find a fair and reasonable alternative. If that isnt good for everyone, oh well.

 

[fuel1316]

not unreasonable at all! just put your foot down. why be uncomfortable yourself for them?

 

[Francis]

Did you stay at their house when you went over ?

It is your home as in your castle and you can invite and refuse anyone you wish.

No one has the right to barge into your house..

It's not relevant what they say they would do because they are not in that position..

 

[porterjack]

Did you stay at their house when you went over ?

..

any favours to be repaid?

 

[Minderella]

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. It's your house, and you have the right to say who stays or doesn't stay. Especially with the added stress of worrying about if there will be any drama, and if so, you wouldn't be able to escape it. I would avoid the drama at all costs, and if that means them having to stay somewhere else--then so be it. Still not unreasonable.

 

[NoDak]

Considering the drama, it's almost a given that something's gonna blow up again. Now, picture a similar situation but you have to go home with these people and risk a not-so-pleasant time afterward. You don't need the stress. If they stay at a lodging of some kind, you all have the opportunity to go to your respective "caves" until tempers have calmed. With them in your home, you'd feel trapped, which could cause resentments to build and put your friendship at risk. Your house, your rules, your say. If they don't like it, they're not real friends anyway.

 

[Natasha]

Not unreasonable at all.

 

[dancingpotato]

Thanks everyone. The other girl who lives near me has said they can stay there so it's all good.

 

[porterjack]

So all this worry for nothing?