Affairs.....To tell or not to tell

[Aeval]

Alright....I don't know what to do with this one.

I just learned the husband of a very good friend is having an affair. The woman he is running around with has left her husband but I can't see my friend's husband up and leaving, they've been married 25 years, have 4 grown children and he just retired.

The woman he's been having the affair with is close to 20 years younger and has 2 small children.

This isn't the first time he's done something like this but I thought he settled down, apparently not.

Do I tell my friend? Do I confront him? Do I let it play out and see what happens? AUGH....opinions please.

 

[Springsteen]

I'd say go to him first and have a word, then go from there (whatever happens)

 

[Aeval]

I'd say go to him first and have a word, then go from there (whatever happens)

That's actually what I'm leaning towards, thanks.

 

[HK]

I agree with Springers, I'd speak to him first. The shock of realising someone knows what he's up to may spur him into either ending the affair or at least thinking hard about what he's up to.

 

[Pumpkin]

Firstly I'd just like to say, what a fucking asshole.

Secondly I agree with Springers, go to him first and see what happens from that

 

[Aeval]

I agree with Springers, I'd speak to him first. The shock of realising someone knows what he's up to may spur him into either ending the affair or at least thinking hard about what he's up to.

Good thinking...I wonder if he'd be shocked?

Firstly I'd just like to say, what a fucking asshole.

Secondly I agree with Springers, go to him first and see what happens from that

Yep...total asshole. He makes me so mad.

 

[Abcinthia]

I'd speak to him first and to see what happens. If he doesn't stop it, then I'd tell the wife but proceed carefully. Sometimes people don't react well and blame the messenger.

Could you also talk to the other woman or is that not an option? Maybe she'll back off.

 

[Peter Parka]

Personally I'd keep my mouth shut. Leave people's personal life to them, it's none of your business and you wont get any thanks, just greif for getting involved.

 

[banned]

If you go to him first ...would that change your mind about telling her yes or no ?
if you know he is having a affair why does your friend not know?
He is a ass and should understand the consequences..go to your friend and tell her and give her the best possible tools to confront him.
Sorry but I have no sorry for the sorry ass.
Ps: I would not keep my mouth shut as I would not be a good friend and about to looses one if I did.

 

[Panacea]

This is an ugly situation, and it's lose/lose. I would want my friend to know she was being betrayed, because cheating pisses me off like nothing else. That being said, it's hard to be sure if you have all the details right.

First, are you 100% sure it's what it seems?
Is he violent in anyway? Confronting a cheating man who may have a lot to lose could be dangerous.
Is he likely to run interference and tell your friend a lie about you to make himself look better as he denies the cheating?

But I couldn't let it go :ninja I swear I'd have to tell someone so I know how you feel.

 

[darkcgi]

I'd say go to him first and have a word, then go from there (whatever happens)

good advice
Let him end it if he will but quickly
he may just hide it better
she needs to be able to move on quickly if he plans on leaving her
so she has the upper hand in a divorce

 

[Zorak]

Personally I'd keep my mouth shut. Leave people's personal life to them, it's none of your business and you wont get any thanks, just greif for getting involved.

:shesaid

And I'd add, if you're ever asked if you ever knew or suspected anything, ffs say No.

 

[darkcgi]

yes she could be mad at you for telling her something horrible that she would not want to know
or he could denigh it and make it out like you are trying to mess up their relationship
and she could believe him and be mad at you

 

[Darrell]

Personally I'd keep my mouth shut. Leave people's personal life to them, it's none of your business and you wont get any thanks, just greif for getting involved.

I have to agree with Pete, and no matter how good your intentions are Flo, you're just going to cause yourself unwanted/unneeded drama.

 

[rback33]

I have to agree with Pete, and no matter how good your intentions are Flo, you're just going to cause yourself unwanted/unneeded drama.

:homo:

 

[zen]

New guy chiming in. She needs to be a good friend, I mean a really really good friend. Lesbian experience in college type of good friend and your kids are named after her. Otherwise this will back fire on you if you get involved. This is an untenable situation for you, but really, take a spectator seat on this, because as others said, it will not end well for you if you put yourself in the mix.

 

[banned]

To all the few last comments ....glad you are not my friend...:24::eek..what kinda friend are ya ...watchin your friend being betrayed....

 

[Pumpkin]

To be honest, I would rather risk losing a friendship than see a friend be betrayed and made a fool of and just sit there and do nothing. :dunno

 

[banned]

To be honest, I would rather risk losing a friendship than see a friend be betrayed and made a fool of and just sit there and do nothing. :dunno

absolutely....my friends are like family and some even more than my kids.....if your son or daughter gettin cheated on you gonna watch it and let go on ????? wtf...

 

[Darrell]

To all the few last comments ....glad you are not my friend...:24::eek..what kinda friend are ya ...watchin your friend being betrayed....

I would venture to guess the number of friendships lost due to these sort of situations, far outweighs the amount of friendships that sustain because of it.

People don't like being told their lover is fucking other people, because nobody wants to actually believe that. So, what do most of these people do? Jump the shit of their friends who tipped them off. I've seen it happen, and it's not worth the headache or the risk of losing a good friend, I like to think nobody is "that good" at cheating, eventually, they will slip up.