A victim of my own beliefs...

[Tim]

For all the guys out there that are so willing to give their opinions... consider the following.

It's the woman that will have to go through all the physical pain and transformation, it is her that will have to change her goals and career path. It is her that will have to be financially responsible for the child. She will have to spend 24/7 caring for the child. It's her life that will drastically change with such responsibility, and she will be the one putting her social life on hold.
With all of that, how can we as men consider our opinions worth anything.

Now as a responsible man, you can share in all of the above obligations, but we have the choice to walk away at any time and help with none... This is only a choice for her now.

This is why I am pro choice... I wouldn't want to be the one to make life changing decisions for someone else....

If I stand up and say you cannot have an abortion, then I better be prepared to care for that child.

 

[Rusteh]

i only entered this topic because of atlantic...otherwise i wouldn't have touched this subject because as a guy all you can say is what you WANT to happen...but ultimatly it's the girl's decision on what she believes she is ready for.

 

[AtlanticBlue99]

and rusteh i meant ryum. and us men are too stereotyped as dead beats and trun facers. i would like to see men stand up and be more responsible than even some women out there for a change. i know i have the heart to be a wonderful father, and i am nowhere near financially stable to do so. this is a life changing event, it takes two to tangle, so be sure to include her in your decisions, but make her know your feelings as well. again, good luck

 

[Rusteh]

i agree with that...men should have some rights in that aspect...however courts have decided in the past that it's not the man's decision...it's ultimatly up to the mother. not to trivialize it but i believe there was even a qoute from a specific case where the mother was granted the abortion that went "possetion is 9/10ths of the law, and during pregnancy the mother is the ONLY care giver and the only parent that child has."...it went something like that...kinda gave me a sick taste after i heard that.

 

[AtlanticBlue99]

i sort of undertand that notion, but the mother would be no mother without a father...

 

[Mrs Behavin]

There are still so many great guys out there who want to have kids. I know my husband for one, is a wonderful father.
I met this man the other day who is a single father of 3 little girls. The mom to these girls just decided one day that she had better things to do. And I tell you what, these little girls were as smart as can be and all under the age of 5. He is a fine example of an excptional father.

Just my personal opinion, I wouldnt have an abortion without talking it over with at least someone who can give you the ins and outs about it and guide you thru it. Its not something that you would want to do all alone.

 

[Sim]

They don't add in here that you are usually supplied with a valium or two, as well as cookies and lemonade after, but here's the basics you can expect with an abortion, depending on the term (thank you, AmericanPregnancy.org):

What abortion procedures are used during the first trimester?

In most cases, you will have a choice between medical or surgical abortion procedures during the first trimester. Medical terminations are only available up through nine weeks gestation. The types of abortion procedures performed during the first trimester are:
Methotrexate & Misoprostol (MTX): a medical abortion procedure used up to the first seven weeks of pregnancy.
Mifepristone and Misoprostol: a medical abortion procedure used up to the first seven to nine weeks of pregnancy. It is also referred to as RU-486, the abortion pill and Mifeprex.
Suction Aspiration: a surgical abortion procedure used to terminate pregnancy between 6 to 12 weeks gestation. It is also referred to as suction curettage or vacuum aspiration.

What abortion procedures are used during the second trimester?

Medication based abortion procedures are not an option during the second trimester. The types of abortion procedures performed during the second trimester are:
Dilation & Curettage (D & C): a surgical abortion procedure used to terminate a pregnancy between 13 to 15 weeks gestation. It is also referred to as suction curettage or vacuum aspiration.
Dilation & Evacuation (D & E): a surgical abortion procedure used to terminate a pregnancy between 15 to 21 weeks gestation.
Induction Abortion: a rarely performed surgical procedure where salt water, urea, or potassium chloride is injected into the amniotic sac; prostaglandins are inserted into the vagina and pitocin is injected intravenously.

What abortion procedures are used during the third trimester?

Medication based abortion procedures are not an option during the third trimester. The surgical types of abortion procedures performed during the third trimester are:
Induction Abortion: a rarely done surgical procedure where salt water, urea, or potassium chloride is injected into the amniotic sac; prostaglandins are inserted into the vagina and pitocin is injected intravenously.
Dialation and Extraction: a surgical abortion procedure used to terminate a pregnancy after 21 weeks of gestation. This procedure is also known as D & X, Intact D & X, Intrauterine Cranial Decompression and Partial Birth Abortion.

 

[geminigypsylady]

I've seen both sides of this fence. At 19 I was in college, engaged, and we "slipped up". We both decided we were not ready to have children, so I had an abortion. We got married, then divorced 2 years later. With 2nd marriage I had a son. He is the greatest joy in my life and I would not change that-nor do I regret the decision to have that abortion those many years ago. *shrugs* It was the right decision for us.

 

[Ryum]

So the follow up

Sim was ultimately right
All the things I did to help personify the baby like talk about names, ect has only lead her to be more vocal and sure about her having the abortion

The best thing that happened to me in regards to this whole ordeal is that she said No to my proposal
And I really thank the heavens that it turned out that way.

She is showing all the classic signs of depression
I have talked to her about it
Her family knows about it, hell her dad is a shrink…
But none of them will try to help, and all my attempts have only made things worse.

The story of what happened
After being so busy I couldn’t visit her for a week it was like waking up from a fucked up dream. I could see how bad I let things get.. and I still to this day can see the slippery slope I took that started with us being happy and active to her staying in bed 14+ hours a day doing nothing (and this all started well before the pregnancy)
I told her I couldn’t join her in staying inside on her bed 14+ hours a day only ever leaving to go to work (at that time I was working 14-16 hour days as it was)

I can’t be in this room any more; it is filled with dirty clothes, trash, dirty dishes, and even dog shit is on the carpet…
If she gets help, or can get herself out of the bed or can call me or needs me I will do everything I can. (I never noticed while it was happening, but sadly it has been many months since she’s actually called me… I’ve always been the one to call/make plans/ect, but this was different for obvious reasons)

I told her I am very sorry I couldn’t help her, and she told me “How could you help me out of this bed when you were the one that put me here”
That statement pretty much is the worst thing anyone has ever said to me, but it does sum up our relationship pretty well. It was one of those things where she said it and it actually felt like someone kicked me in the chest.
After that whole debacle I did run into one of her sisters, who I am/was friends with (after everything is resolved one way or another I plan to call her again she is very cool and was a good friend)… and after a long time of talking I ended up telling her what her sister said.
I was a little relieved that her sister told me that was extremely fucked up, ect
For a short while there I was really buying into myself being this evil bastard who put this poor girl thru the tribulation of being with me…
But now being away from her, and the haze of that house I can see and ashamed how fucked up I let things get…

This was a while back, as far as I know she hasn’t had the abortion
My current situation with her sucks, because I want to call her and see how things are going, but I know if she hasn’t already had an abortion that call could easily be something she could use to push herself into going thru with it.
Worst of all she was still smoking the last time I saw her, which just absolutely kills me when I think about it.


There is some good news.
Being about a month free of the bitch I have really turned my life around
I am living with my dad while he is getting his new place ready, ect
Then I am going to buy his house for a decent price.
I am also helping him to some home improvements (the house was only built back in 2001) so these are cosmetic/preventative projects. Like added storm doors (really nice sturdy ones) add a tankless water heater, level the backyard, ect
I have met an amazing woman who is so beautiful, positive, and smart… I don’t even know what she’s doing wasting time with me…
And professionally I am moving from the oil fields back to the offices. I really liked being outdoors, and climbing 50-80 feet in the air doing all sorts of stuff, but I need to get back to my real life and get my career back on track.



Thanks for all the advice... good and bad

 

[Sim]

Thanks for the update. It's nice to hear you're moving on in life and are getting your shit straight for yourself, rather than allowing a situation to progressively become completely unlivable.

Good for you!

 

[BooFetus]

Pro choice here too. I just think that you can't kill the kid cause you made a fucking 'oopsie' and didn't use protection and now you want to make it all better. No. Life doesn't work that way. But if you put it in a foster home, they could be in there forever, so its not like one choice is much better than the other.