I had to write an essay following Jonathan Swift's essay. For those people are like: but that's stupid it would cause more deaths...blah blah blah. It's supposed to. So shut up and read my fail essay.
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A Modest Proposal on Reckless Driving
I have come to warn you all of a deadly situation that is gripping our nation.
14,000 people are dying annually from lead-footed-adrenaline-junkies driving their SUV’s
and hybrids, respectfully. It’s not just lives we’re losing, but time, and since time equals
money, Americans are loosing millions of dollars for every thousand or so accidents. It
would only be sensible to do something to decrease the number of reckless drivers on the
road, or the sidewalk in some cases, heaven forbid. I have compiled several propositions
to help deal with this pestilence.
In recent statistics, more people in places like San Francisco have been killed by
drivers squishing them like a soft biscuit then simply being murdered. This is quite
despicable. In fact, it is so despicable that I have a proposal to help prevent crosswalk
deaths. If every city chipped in and bought some claymores and put them on every
street 100 yards before a crosswalk, it would cut down on so many pedestrian deaths.
There would also be sensors under the crosswalks so that anything over 10 lbs in the
crosswalk would set off the claymore of any car going 5 miles over the speed limit.
This would send a clear message to any driver who defies the yellow light and floors it.
Claymores aren’t a every expensive explosive, which is great for poorer
communities, who would benefit the most. You see, poorer communities have a higher
drive by shooting rate. If they’re willing to commit murder what’s to stop them from
running a red light at 60 MPH? Nothing, but if they know that claymores will blow them
up the second they go over the speed they’re always going to stop. If they’re crazy enough
to continue speeding at a reckless pace, they will get blown to smithereens. Either way,
it’s a win-win for society. Criminals will have to stop at all crosswalks (and get picked up
by the police) or get blown to bits. They will get their just(ice) deserts.
If that’s not enough to convince you, I have more, just please, hear me out.
As you were reading the previous statement, you were probably thinking where would
we get the manpower and the claymores to achieve this ingenious idea? Cities would
need more employees which would put a spike in the job market. With a dwindling
economy, thousands of new jobs would be created. Road demolition and road
road construction crews would be in high demand, not to mention the manufacturers
who create the claymores. It would have to be made in the United States of course to
support our country. We wouldn’t want it to be made in a war torn country. The last thing
we, and myself included, want is to buy ‘blood diamonds’. Setting all that nasty ideas
behind, we can look to the future: our children. We must make this world a safer place.
How many worried parents won’t let their children play basketball in the street anymore
for fear of them getting run over by a careless driver? The streets now a days are littered
with intoxicated, absentminded, drivers whose licensee expired six months ago.
I just hope that my claymore idea would help make the streets safer for everyone,
especially our children.
I know this may not stop everyone from trying to go a bit faster on the road, but
for those who try it will end in both a brilliance of fiery flame and a mournful death.
To lead in, action movies are a booming business in Hollywood, CA. Movies like Casino
Royale and Avatar have made millions. They make millions because people want to sit
back, relax, and watch a good movie after a hard day’s work. When that offender runs
that red, or goes a little too fast in a school zone, that claymore will go off and that rebel
offender will be blasted sky high, along with the onlooker’s spirits. With depression rates
increasing each year with the bad economy and workload at their jobs, a good explosion
every now and then will boost their spirits in a way no one can compare. If I can recall
correctly, Ancient Rome hosted gladiator games as a form of entertainment. They pitted
slave against slave, animal against animal, and sometimes animal against slave. It was
a highly popular sport and you didn’t see Romans committing suicide on a daily basis.
(Unless it was mandated by the Emperor, of course) It was part of Roman daily life and
it didn’t even serve as a warning for other citizens! Hopefully, if you accept my modest
proposal, our country’s depression rate will go down, and traffic safety will go up.
I honestly cannot think of anyone who wouldn’t accept this marvelous idea.
Pedestrian deaths will greatly decrease because all speeders will be detonated on the spot.
They will never have to worry again if little Tommy crosses the street without his mother
there holding his hand. Criminals will think twice if they should commit the crime. I
hope I’m not jumping to conclusions when I say that criminals will not be able to get a
clean get away, due to the fact there will be little pieces of them flying through the air
like confetti. On that note, may I present the anti-depression case again? The rebels who
disregard the law will explode and all onlookers may, and most likely watch increasing
adrenaline and releasing feel good hormones, which will decrease depression overall.
New jobs will be available to implement and maintain my humble idea, stimulating
the economy and ensuring our future a better tomorrow.
Older ideas have been tossed out onto the table. Like, more laws that would
increase fines if the perpetrator is caught. Although this idea is taking on in many states
across the United States, if I may say so, no one is ensured their safety. Then there always
the speed bump option. You can usually find speed bumps along parking lots and school
zones where drivers tend to want to go faster in a people-infested zone. If we do add more
speed bumps it will only cause a slightly bumpier ride than if they ran over some poor old
lady who was crossing the street. Nay, we cannot be lax if people’s lives are at stake.
I am not one to push, but if my humble proposal is not met, how many more people
will have to die? How much more blood will be shed to stop this reckless endangerment?
I for one am too impatient to find out.
----
A Modest Proposal on Reckless Driving
I have come to warn you all of a deadly situation that is gripping our nation.
14,000 people are dying annually from lead-footed-adrenaline-junkies driving their SUV’s
and hybrids, respectfully. It’s not just lives we’re losing, but time, and since time equals
money, Americans are loosing millions of dollars for every thousand or so accidents. It
would only be sensible to do something to decrease the number of reckless drivers on the
road, or the sidewalk in some cases, heaven forbid. I have compiled several propositions
to help deal with this pestilence.
In recent statistics, more people in places like San Francisco have been killed by
drivers squishing them like a soft biscuit then simply being murdered. This is quite
despicable. In fact, it is so despicable that I have a proposal to help prevent crosswalk
deaths. If every city chipped in and bought some claymores and put them on every
street 100 yards before a crosswalk, it would cut down on so many pedestrian deaths.
There would also be sensors under the crosswalks so that anything over 10 lbs in the
crosswalk would set off the claymore of any car going 5 miles over the speed limit.
This would send a clear message to any driver who defies the yellow light and floors it.
Claymores aren’t a every expensive explosive, which is great for poorer
communities, who would benefit the most. You see, poorer communities have a higher
drive by shooting rate. If they’re willing to commit murder what’s to stop them from
running a red light at 60 MPH? Nothing, but if they know that claymores will blow them
up the second they go over the speed they’re always going to stop. If they’re crazy enough
to continue speeding at a reckless pace, they will get blown to smithereens. Either way,
it’s a win-win for society. Criminals will have to stop at all crosswalks (and get picked up
by the police) or get blown to bits. They will get their just(ice) deserts.
If that’s not enough to convince you, I have more, just please, hear me out.
As you were reading the previous statement, you were probably thinking where would
we get the manpower and the claymores to achieve this ingenious idea? Cities would
need more employees which would put a spike in the job market. With a dwindling
economy, thousands of new jobs would be created. Road demolition and road
road construction crews would be in high demand, not to mention the manufacturers
who create the claymores. It would have to be made in the United States of course to
support our country. We wouldn’t want it to be made in a war torn country. The last thing
we, and myself included, want is to buy ‘blood diamonds’. Setting all that nasty ideas
behind, we can look to the future: our children. We must make this world a safer place.
How many worried parents won’t let their children play basketball in the street anymore
for fear of them getting run over by a careless driver? The streets now a days are littered
with intoxicated, absentminded, drivers whose licensee expired six months ago.
I just hope that my claymore idea would help make the streets safer for everyone,
especially our children.
I know this may not stop everyone from trying to go a bit faster on the road, but
for those who try it will end in both a brilliance of fiery flame and a mournful death.
To lead in, action movies are a booming business in Hollywood, CA. Movies like Casino
Royale and Avatar have made millions. They make millions because people want to sit
back, relax, and watch a good movie after a hard day’s work. When that offender runs
that red, or goes a little too fast in a school zone, that claymore will go off and that rebel
offender will be blasted sky high, along with the onlooker’s spirits. With depression rates
increasing each year with the bad economy and workload at their jobs, a good explosion
every now and then will boost their spirits in a way no one can compare. If I can recall
correctly, Ancient Rome hosted gladiator games as a form of entertainment. They pitted
slave against slave, animal against animal, and sometimes animal against slave. It was
a highly popular sport and you didn’t see Romans committing suicide on a daily basis.
(Unless it was mandated by the Emperor, of course) It was part of Roman daily life and
it didn’t even serve as a warning for other citizens! Hopefully, if you accept my modest
proposal, our country’s depression rate will go down, and traffic safety will go up.
I honestly cannot think of anyone who wouldn’t accept this marvelous idea.
Pedestrian deaths will greatly decrease because all speeders will be detonated on the spot.
They will never have to worry again if little Tommy crosses the street without his mother
there holding his hand. Criminals will think twice if they should commit the crime. I
hope I’m not jumping to conclusions when I say that criminals will not be able to get a
clean get away, due to the fact there will be little pieces of them flying through the air
like confetti. On that note, may I present the anti-depression case again? The rebels who
disregard the law will explode and all onlookers may, and most likely watch increasing
adrenaline and releasing feel good hormones, which will decrease depression overall.
New jobs will be available to implement and maintain my humble idea, stimulating
the economy and ensuring our future a better tomorrow.
Older ideas have been tossed out onto the table. Like, more laws that would
increase fines if the perpetrator is caught. Although this idea is taking on in many states
across the United States, if I may say so, no one is ensured their safety. Then there always
the speed bump option. You can usually find speed bumps along parking lots and school
zones where drivers tend to want to go faster in a people-infested zone. If we do add more
speed bumps it will only cause a slightly bumpier ride than if they ran over some poor old
lady who was crossing the street. Nay, we cannot be lax if people’s lives are at stake.
I am not one to push, but if my humble proposal is not met, how many more people
will have to die? How much more blood will be shed to stop this reckless endangerment?
I for one am too impatient to find out.
