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cam elle toe
Banned BY User's Request
His teacher is fantastic, and has a wicked sense of humour, so I wouldnt put it past him
I'll point it out when I'm up there on Thursday
I'll point it out when I'm up there on Thursday
ok...last go for me.....every day little jane walks home from school,on the way she shes little johnny.....well this one day little johnny has new nikes,he say's 'look at your scruffy shoes,you need new ones'..on that jane runs home crying.....so her mum gets her some new nikes.....the next day she sees johnny on a new bike he says 'look at this,your dad couldn't afford to get you a bike like this'...on that jane runs home crying....on that her mum goes out and gets her a new bike......when she sees johnny the next day he drops his pants and says 'you haven't got one of these and i bet your dad couldn't buy you one either'..on that jane rides home crying...the next day she sees johnny and he says 'told you they couldn't get you one,to which jane lifts her dress and says 'well i've got one of these and my mum says it could get me one of those any time i wanted'
A 90 year man courts a 88 year old woman, it goes how it goes, and on day they end up in bed together. After the deed had been done, they lie beside each other silently, completely and utterly shocked.
The man thinking: "Jesus, if I had known she was still a virgin, I would have been more gentle"
The woman thinking: "Jesus, if I had known he was still capable, I would have taken off my panty hose"
The man thinking: "Jesus, if I had known she was still a virgin, I would have been more gentle"
The woman thinking: "Jesus, if I had known he was still capable, I would have taken off my panty hose"
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense. 'Your Honor,' she began coolly, 'I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.'......
A man boarded an aircraft at London Heathrow Airport 's
Terminal 5 for New York, and taking his seat as he settled
in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and
bingo - she took the seat right beside him.
'Hello', he blurted out, 'Business trip or
vacation?'
She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, 'Business.
I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the
United States ..'
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had
ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a
meeting for nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked,
'What's your business role at this convention?'
'Lecturer,' she responded. 'I use my experience
to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.'
'Really', he smiled, 'what myths are
those?'
'Well,' she explained, 'one popular myth is
that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in
fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely
to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French
men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of
Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential
lovers in all categories are the Irish.'
Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed.
'I'm sorry,' she said 'I really
shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even
know your name!'
'Tonto,' the man said. 'Tonto Papadopoulos, but
my friends call me Paddy.'
Terminal 5 for New York, and taking his seat as he settled
in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and
bingo - she took the seat right beside him.
'Hello', he blurted out, 'Business trip or
vacation?'
She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, 'Business.
I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the
United States ..'
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had
ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a
meeting for nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked,
'What's your business role at this convention?'
'Lecturer,' she responded. 'I use my experience
to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.'
'Really', he smiled, 'what myths are
those?'
'Well,' she explained, 'one popular myth is
that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in
fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely
to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French
men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of
Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential
lovers in all categories are the Irish.'
Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed.
'I'm sorry,' she said 'I really
shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even
know your name!'
'Tonto,' the man said. 'Tonto Papadopoulos, but
my friends call me Paddy.'
BlackCherry
Well-Known Member
My son brought home his reading words for the week last night
Hubby and I were in stitches.....Is it just our dirty minds?
I have to get him to read them in random order too.....so some of the word plays were hilarious.
Lucky he is only 5 and had no idea why his dad and I were laughing so hard
Winner!!! That's hilarious!!
Divorce vs. Murder
A nice, calm, respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I will lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband at a fancy restaurant, having dinner with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
A nice, calm, respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I will lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband at a fancy restaurant, having dinner with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
But when they are young you are still cool, its when they hit about 11 I think that it really is lost.
MORE WORDS
A husband looking through the paper came upon a study that said women use more words than men.
It read, "Men use about 15,000 words per day, but women use 30,000."
Excited to prove to his wife that he had been right all along when he accused her of talking too much, he showed her the study results.
The wife thought for a while, then finally she said to her husband, "It's because we have to repeat everything we say."
The husband said, "What?"
A husband looking through the paper came upon a study that said women use more words than men.
It read, "Men use about 15,000 words per day, but women use 30,000."
Excited to prove to his wife that he had been right all along when he accused her of talking too much, he showed her the study results.
The wife thought for a while, then finally she said to her husband, "It's because we have to repeat everything we say."
The husband said, "What?"
Springsteen
Number 2, Rafael!
A Lorry Driver sees a Girl about to jump off a bridge, so he stops and asks her what she's doing.
"I'm commiting suicide, do not bother trying to talk me out of it"
The Lorry driver, realising he can do nothnig to stop her, asks for a blowjob to which to girl complies.
After the act is done, he says "That was fantastic, why are you killing yourself?"
"My parents hate me because I dress up as a woman"
"I'm commiting suicide, do not bother trying to talk me out of it"
The Lorry driver, realising he can do nothnig to stop her, asks for a blowjob to which to girl complies.
After the act is done, he says "That was fantastic, why are you killing yourself?"
"My parents hate me because I dress up as a woman"
Goat Whisperer
Well-Known Member
You know what, I think I deserve to win this....
Because of one thing.
And that thing is...
This.
Because of one thing.
And that thing is...
This.
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