My old writings of my thoughts

[redsMULLT1]

I would have never thought back in my days of teenage laziness that I would be right here where I am today. Working along side my father, driving a truck, hanging out with people I never thought I would see again. Things change, opinions change, people change, the world changes. Leave your place of comfort for awhile, call home and ask whats changed. 9 times out of 10 the responce will be "nothing". But a few years later you return to find nothing is the same. Its all different and you wonder what drew you back. Then you wonder whats going on in the other places you had so recently left behind. Keeping in contact with a select few, if you ask them whats new there 9 times out of 10 they too will say "nothing, its the same old same". But you know different. You know its changed to the point where nothing would be familiar if you went back. You could make it yours again, but it wouldn't be the same. So your stuck in a limbo of uncomfort, not knowing which direction to turn and you force your way through the easiest route to keep everything you know from falling from your grasp. Trying to make good decisions and smoothing your path along the way, but its usually the rockiest road you will ever travel. I've been through some shit, some horrible, some unspeakable, some that no one will ever understand but myself, and some shit that is so perfect that you wonder every day if you will ever be able to top that perfect mix of feelings of laughter, love, comfort, stability, and just knowing everything is right. Everything in life is a gamble, sometimes you win, sometimes you bust. But you have to keep going. Pick up your pride, put it on a shelf, stare life directly in the eyes and fight like hell. One day.. you'll make it back to the top. Everyone falls off now and then, but you have to climb back up. You may be laying in the gutter... but you can still stare at the stars. No one can take your pride.
Am I perfect? No. No one is. There are people that may be close... but everyone has dark secrets. I am exactly what you see. Just a guy with different veiws. Are my veiws right? In my eyes they are.
All this is just a vent. I'm not sad, I'm not down. I am rather happy to be honest. Just beating my path through life.

 

[redsMULLT1]

Do you really realize what you have?
Well do you? Or do you take it all for granted? Do you hate the car you are driving? What about the cats that walk everywhere because they have none? Tough luck for them you say? Should have made something of themselves you say? Maybe... Maybe they have... but lost it all.
Walking an extra 50ft across Wal-Mart parking lot because you can't get a closer parking spot pisses you off? I know people who would kill to be able to walk that 50ft. Quit bitching and moaning.. there are people that can't even go outside.
Do you shrug off people who you feel are not attractive enough to deserve you're attention? Well... aren't we just on the high shelf? Shh... let me fill you in on a little secret... you may have the most beautiful body, the perfect exterior... maybe even model material... but if you don't have the personality, the kindness, or if you are just a shitty person... too good for everyone else... you... sir or ma'am... are shit. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. Do you have to be the happiest person in the world to be beautiful? No, just not the shittiest person. Ever asked anyone, "why are you talking to me?" Then please... please let me tell you... with all the spite, dislike, and disrespect I can muster. Fuck you. Who are you to judge anyone? Everyone is the same as everyone else. Apperance may differ, but they are people.. just like you and I. How hard is it to be someones friend? Not just to be really cool to their face and then talk mad shit about them behind their backs.
What do you take for granted? I know I do. I try not to... but I do it. Food for example... I was in the grocery store the other day... pissed because I couldn't figure out what I wanted and nothing sounded good. Then I came across a older fellow, middle aged probably. He was looking through the shelves, picking things up and putting them back. Crying though... not like all out, but you could tell. Instead of trying not to make eye contact and rushing by, I stopped asked if he was ok. Of course the guy says yeah, but I stick around and shoot the shit with him for a minute. Turns out he is trying to feed a family of 4 on $7.52... Hey maybe his story was bullshit... maybe I am a sucker... but I damn sure helped the guy out. See.. I've been there. Wanting to eat, but you have no money to buy anything. He wasn't asking for a hand out. He didn't ask for anything. Really he didn't want to take what I gave him. Did that put a little strain on me? Yeah it did. So I can't do something this week... so what. His family is eating this week.
It doesn't take much to be a good person. Just a little trying. I'm not always a good person myself. I do try though. I have been told I have too big of a heart for my own good, and they are right. I have been taken and used a little. Thats ok. If they can sleep at night with a clear conscious... then thats fine. It will all come back to them one day.
No this isn't directed to anyone. No one here has pissed me off or done anything for that matter. Its just about what I see day to day in this town and what I wish I could see.

 

[COOL_BREEZE2]

........Things change, opinions change, people change, the world changes. Leave your place of comfort for awhile, call home and ask whats changed. 9 times out of 10 the responce will be "nothing". But a few years later you return to find nothing is the same.....

..........Keeping in contact with a select few, if you ask them whats new there 9 times out of 10 they too will say "nothing, its the same old same". But you know different

.......... Everything in life is a gamble, sometimes you win, sometimes you bust. But you have to keep going. Pick up your pride, put it on a shelf, stare life directly in the eyes and fight like hell. One day.. you'll make it back to the top. Everyone falls off now and then, but you have to climb back up. You may be laying in the gutter... but you can still stare at the stars. No one can take your pride..........

Very profound Reds. Both posts. True words no doubt. Thanks for the sharing. Rep delivered.

 

[Mrs Behavin]

Very good read. And I agree with what you posted. If I could rep you again, I would Thanks for sharing

 

[Elle]

These were awesome reads!! Thanks for sharing.

 

[skyblue]

Do you really realize what you have?
Well do you? Or do you take it all for granted? Do you hate the car you are driving? What about the cats that walk everywhere because they have none? Tough luck for them you say? Should have made something of themselves you say? Maybe... Maybe they have... but lost it all.
Walking an extra 50ft across Wal-Mart parking lot because you can't get a closer parking spot pisses you off? I know people who would kill to be able to walk that 50ft. Quit bitching and moaning.. there are people that can't even go outside.
Do you shrug off people who you feel are not attractive enough to deserve you're attention? Well... aren't we just on the high shelf? Shh... let me fill you in on a little secret... you may have the most beautiful body, the perfect exterior... maybe even model material... but if you don't have the personality, the kindness, or if you are just a shitty person... too good for everyone else... you... sir or ma'am... are shit. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. Do you have to be the happiest person in the world to be beautiful? No, just not the shittiest person. Ever asked anyone, "why are you talking to me?" Then please... please let me tell you... with all the spite, dislike, and disrespect I can muster. Fuck you. Who are you to judge anyone? Everyone is the same as everyone else. Apperance may differ, but they are people.. just like you and I. How hard is it to be someones friend? Not just to be really cool to their face and then talk mad shit about them behind their backs.
What do you take for granted? I know I do. I try not to... but I do it. Food for example... I was in the grocery store the other day... pissed because I couldn't figure out what I wanted and nothing sounded good. Then I came across a older fellow, middle aged probably. He was looking through the shelves, picking things up and putting them back. Crying though... not like all out, but you could tell. Instead of trying not to make eye contact and rushing by, I stopped asked if he was ok. Of course the guy says yeah, but I stick around and shoot the shit with him for a minute. Turns out he is trying to feed a family of 4 on $7.52... Hey maybe his story was bullshit... maybe I am a sucker... but I damn sure helped the guy out. See.. I've been there. Wanting to eat, but you have no money to buy anything. He wasn't asking for a hand out. He didn't ask for anything. Really he didn't want to take what I gave him. Did that put a little strain on me? Yeah it did. So I can't do something this week... so what. His family is eating this week.
It doesn't take much to be a good person. Just a little trying. I'm not always a good person myself. I do try though. I have been told I have too big of a heart for my own good, and they are right. I have been taken and used a little. Thats ok. If they can sleep at night with a clear conscious... then thats fine. It will all come back to them one day.
No this isn't directed to anyone. No one here has pissed me off or done anything for that matter. Its just about what I see day to day in this town and what I wish I could see.

quality.......repped

 

[redsMULLT1]

Thanks guys. These are my bloggings. I wish I still had some of the old ones. I like to write out what I'm feeling now and then. It helps out tons. Sometimes I look back at them and wonder what the hell I was thinking.

 

[debbie t]

i think that was fabulous,and would like to see more if possible

 

[redsMULLT1]

I wrote some when I was going through a bad bad bad time. I ended up with quite a following on myspace with them. Ended up deleting the whole thing. Wish I didn't. It was writings about a mixture of life, problems, insanity, wishes, dreams, and crushing them. Most was dark and deep. Apparently those were the best to read.

 

[redsMULLT1]

I think I will keep using this post for my bloggings if thats cool with all of yous.


I need to be cleansed... time to make amends
The damage is done and I feel diseased... I'm down on my knees
And I need forgiveness someone to bear witness
To the goodness within beneath the sin
Although I may flirt with all kinds of dirt
To the point of disease

Now I want release from all this decay
Take it away and somewhere there's someone who cares
With a heart of gold.

 

[hottubho]

beautiful!! :clap

 

[redsMULLT1]

Writing again....

So high, yet so low. God am I losing my mind? I’ve never in my life felt this way, and I have felt plenty of things. For far too long my feelings and heart have been raped. Give up? No… No… I’ll just pick myself up... brush off… and wait for the next one. But at last… fuck it… I do give up. Then you came along… you fell straight into my lap with those loving brown eyes and goddess smile. Blind sighted by beauty… I’ve never met anyone as gorgeous as you. Taking my time... testing the waters. Not sure what to make of the kindness and compassion you are showing me. Is it a trick? Am I getting built up for some grand show just to be dropped back into a pit? I am scared to death of you… because you hold the one thing that is whole about me… my heart. You have so much power in your hands and you have no idea… with as little as a few words you could crush me and I could do nothing about it. But I will give everything… I will do anything… just to be able to see you tomorrow. Nothing for you is beyond my power or ability… I will do anything just to make you happy. All I want is to see you smile. After all is said and done... there is still hope for me... you are showing me this little by little. I am finally seeing joys again that I thought were long lost. Actually enjoying who you are… not lusting… not a trophy… not a fucking doll on a pedestal… you actually love me for me. I see it now. How could I have been so blind? You actually do love who I am and not who I can be… you didn’t try to change the person you first met. You understood that I have flaws just like everyone else. I can’t believe I am so lucky. How in the hell did this happen to me? When did I take the right path that led me straight to you?

The days you are not with me are just short of my own personal hell… I sit and all I have is the ringing in my ears and the cavity in my heart. I may as well be sitting on a park bench in a cold, pouring winter rain. I long for the way you lay with me on the couch and rub my arm. I only wish I could hold you tightly right now. Laying your head on my chest while I softly rub your back. The time I get to spend with you… I couldn’t imagine even heaven being better than that. We fit together perfectly... so similar… but just enough difference that we will always have something new to share. You have already turned into such a good friend and companion. I seriously ask myself everyday... how in the hell did I manage to take one step out of bed… without you in my heart and on my mind. God I love you.

 

[wednesday]

Wow, im really in awe.....i like to jot down thoughts and feelings...but mine probably make absolutely no sense!! lol .wd x

 

[Mrs Behavin]

Good god Jeremie Im in tears now after that last post you just made! That was so good!

 

[skyblue]

these are superb

 

[KittyKatM]

These Are Amazing =]
Keep Writing x

 

[AuronKae]

Awesome.

 

[Mystic]

lovely...

 

[redsMULLT1]

Re: Writing again....

So high, yet so low. God am I losing my mind? I’ve never in my life felt this way, and I have felt plenty of things. For far too long my feelings and heart have been raped. Give up? No… No… I’ll just pick myself up... brush off… and wait for the next one. But at last… fuck it… I do give up. Then you came along… you fell straight into my lap with those loving brown eyes and goddess smile. Blind sighted by beauty… I’ve never met anyone as gorgeous as you. Taking my time... testing the waters. Not sure what to make of the kindness and compassion you are showing me. Is it a trick? Am I getting built up for some grand show just to be dropped back into a pit? I am scared to death of you… because you hold the one thing that is whole about me… my heart. You have so much power in your hands and you have no idea… with as little as a few words you could crush me and I could do nothing about it. But I will give everything… I will do anything… just to be able to see you tomorrow. Nothing for you is beyond my power or ability… I will do anything just to make you happy. All I want is to see you smile. After all is said and done... there is still hope for me... you are showing me this little by little. I am finally seeing joys again that I thought were long lost. Actually enjoying who you are… not lusting… not a trophy… not a fucking doll on a pedestal… you actually love me for me. I see it now. How could I have been so blind? You actually do love who I am and not who I can be… you didn’t try to change the person you first met. You understood that I have flaws just like everyone else. I can’t believe I am so lucky. How in the hell did this happen to me? When did I take the right path that led me straight to you?

The days you are not with me are just short of my own personal hell… I sit and all I have is the ringing in my ears and the cavity in my heart. I may as well be sitting on a park bench in a cold, pouring winter rain. I long for the way you lay with me on the couch and rub my arm. I only wish I could hold you tightly right now. Laying your head on my chest while I softly rub your back. The time I get to spend with you… I couldn’t imagine even heaven being better than that. We fit together perfectly... so similar… but just enough difference that we will always have something new to share. You have already turned into such a good friend and companion. I seriously ask myself everyday... how in the hell did I manage to take one step out of bed… without you in my heart and on my mind. God I love you.

This woman decided it was necessary to rip my heart out.... yesterday... Then 20 minutes later I got a phone call that my best friend had just passed away.

 

[Mystic]

Re: Writing again....

This woman decided it was necessary to rip my heart out.... yesterday... Then 20 minutes later I got a phone call that my best friend had just passed away.

:unsure: I was wondering where you had disappeared to...now I know. I'm sorry about your best friend...that must be so hard to deal with. *hugs*