Women Jokes

[Pudding Time]

Some suck, some ar good. Here they are.

Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.
The one guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional."
The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids."
They then asked the woman, "What are you?"
She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."

What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with yeast infections?
A whine and cheese party

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

A woman is shopping for a pet as a gift for her husband, but she is concerned that the prices that the Pet Shop are charging are very high. She goes to the clerk and explains her concern. "Well, I have a frog in the back that I can let you have for $50," the clerk says. "$50?" the woman replies. "That seems terribly expensive for a frog."

"Well, this frog is worth it. It's been trained to give blow jobs."

The woman is stunned, but because her husband loves this sort of sex, and because she is not particularly fond of it, she decides the frog might be a good investment. She buys the frog, brings it home, presents it to her husband, and explains its special value. The husband is skeptical, but promises he'll give the frog a try that night. The woman goes to sleep happily knowing she won't be
bothered by her husband that night.

She is suddenly awakened by a clatter coming from the kitchen. She goes downstairs and finds the frog and her husband pulling out pots and pans and poring over cookbooks.

"What are you two doing down here?" she asks. Her husband responds, "If I can teach this frog to cook, you're out of here!"

It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along. She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down. Now try lifting your dress up your thighs...this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy. Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, "Now, tell HIM you have a headache."

 

[skyblue]

the last 2 are hilarious

 

[GraceAbounds]

LOL!

The last one scares me . . . LOL!

Sex actually cures headaches, so noone should be using that as an excuse to not 'bop' your spouse.

 

[Pudding Time]

Sex makes my headaches much worse.. I suppose it's different for each..

 

[GraceAbounds]

Sex makes my headaches much worse.. I suppose it's different for each..

Sex should release hormones in your body that help you feel better. An for a man - blood should rush to your penis, thus reducing swelling of your other head ... LOL!

 

[dt3]

penis

:eek Grace said penis!!! :willy_nilly:

 

[GraceAbounds]

Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! :willy_nilly: Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! :willy_nilly: Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! :24:

 

[dt3]

Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! :willy_nilly: Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! :willy_nilly: Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! :24:

*Sigs the quote*

 

[dt3]

It was too many letters Grace, so I had to delete some of your penis :ninja

 

[GraceAbounds]

It was too many letters Grace, so I had to delete some of your penis :ninja

That is ok since I've never had a penis of my own to begin with.

:24: ROFL!

 

[TheOriginalJames]

Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! :willy_nilly: Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! :willy_nilly: Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! :24:

 

[Peter Parka]

Wow Grace! Getting into South Park humour territory there!

 

[skyblue]

That is ok since I've never had a penis of my own to begin with.

:24: ROFL!

you can have mine anytime

 

[GraceAbounds]

you can have mine anytime

:eek :unsure:
Sorry - I'm taken lovey.

 

[juggler]

Bugger!!!!:jk

 

[Pudding Time]

Sex should release hormones in your body that help you feel better. An for a man - blood should rush to your penis, thus reducing swelling of your other head ... LOL!

That's all good and dandy. But when I'm humpin', my head stays thumpin'..:smiley24: