Is it reasonable for my parents to refuse to help me buy a car?

[Accountable]

If you're as responsible as you say you are, get your own damn car. Seriously...this has GOT to be a joke.

I'm thinking it probably is.

You smell it, too?

 

[Zorak]

Welcome to the real world. It sucks.

Samuel Beckett really having an influence I can see

 

[Abcinthia]

Samuel Beckett really having an influence I can see

You know I've taken those stories to heart

 

[skyblue]

just my take on this

your parents probably earn that type of money through hard work in past years,they probably started out with very little and know the true value of money..they dont want you to have a silver spoon attitude where everything comes easy,they're teaching you the true value of money

 

[dancingpotato]

Everything I have to say has been said already.

I will add:

I live in my own flat, I pay out about 2/3 of what I earn. I buy everything on my own. I would say that I have many luxuries, however if I started struggling for money then I could get rid of some stuff which would free up some extra cash. I need a car to get to work (well, I dont anymore but at the time I got the car I did). My parents were in a position to help me out and bought a car, which I paid them back month by month until I didn't owe them any more. Fortunately, when I moved out, I had the car already or I would have to suck it up and bus it to work. I despise public transport but sometimes life is a bitch.

If I was you, I'd take the van.

 

[DoctorDisco]

Who paid for the first 18 years of your life? IJS

He has a point. If you didn't have their support for the first 18 years of your life, you may not be where you are today. I get that you pay for everything.. but they had to have helped you. Its not like you grew up in the ghetto with a poor education and no support.

You're self-sufficient, with morals and values, working to make your own money, and almost done with college.. you're 22.. you're on your way to the American dream.

And to everyone here. I think they are being a bit harsh on you. You're young, and a forum is the perfect place to anonymously vent, and get advice. You're also in a predicament that many of us at your age would feel the same.

 

[porterjack]

i think a parent might want to help you rather than just give you what you want, help you find a way, maybe a loan?

 

[DoctorDisco]

i think a parent might want to help you rather than just give you what you want, help you find a way, maybe a loan?

Yeah like meet you half way. Thats a good compromise. Try that.

 

[Natasha]

I don't think we're being harsh at all. The parents OFFERED a used car...if he needs one bad enough, he'll take it. My parents took care of me for the first 18 years of my life, plus helped we when I was going to college. So when my mom lost her job I didn't hesitate to take on her expenses as my own. I've got half of my family living in my house right now simply b/c they needed help. You can't go through your whole life and take...sometimes you have to give, too. IJS

 

[Panacea]

I'm nearly his age, so are a number of the people who responded, actually...it's not like we don't "get it". We alllll get it. Life is tough.

 

[Broseph]

Yeah like meet you half way. Thats a good compromise. Try that.

That's an idea. I'll talk to them about it.

Whenever my parents need me, i'm there. I've worked countless hours with my dad in his business without pay, and not once in my four years of school did I ask them to foot a bill for me or buy me a single textbook (They would have thrown something at me). I need help transitioning from my apartment at college to my own place where I can start a life for myself. (i'm not in the city--there isn't even public transportation within 40 miles)

It bothers me to see my parents waste their money for lack of a budget. It takes a toll on my mom especially. I hate to see her get upset about things that are preventable. I've grown up listening to my parents screaming at each other because they can't sit down at a table and go over their finances together. They spend without any sort of plan or thinking. I'm not pretending to be an underprivileged child in need to food and shelter, but i've seen parents with much less help their kids where they can.

My dad has already told me that he expects me to pay for at least part of his and my mother's retirement. Hypocritical? They have NO savings and bad credit. Where does all that money go?? How can I get them help if they won't listen?

I may not yet be in the "Real world", but i've learned a thing or two about how to spend money wisely, esp. being a finance major. Yeah i'd like a car, but it's more than that. It's about my parents being there for me when they potentially have the capacity too.

In a couple years, when i'm on my feet and making decent money and my parents need me, i'll be the first one to help. Maybe that's just me, but I think you should help where you can.

I also find it hard to believe that almost everyone who posted here didn't get ANYTHING from their parents after they turned 18. Could be wrong, but i doubt it.

 

[dancingpotato]

Sure I did get stuff from my parents, I still do but I never expect it.

 

[Panacea]

My parents are financial fuckups themselves. I've been paying their bills since I was 14, when my mom stole $800 I'd saved up from my little cleaning job.

I must say though, because they're financial fuckups, I don't expect cars out of them. I'm curious how you equate bad financial planning on their part with the abilitiy or willingness to give you a large sum of money for a car (which you're insinuating needs to be newish).

Anyway, like I said, expect things from people and this is what ya get. An angsty thread. Most of the time, feeling entitled doesn't pay off.

 

[Broseph]

Panacea,

That's rough. Sorry to hear that. It's not right. Parents should be the ones who are smart with money.

My dad told me today he disproves of me ever going to college. It's like they're punishing me for wanting to have a life. (both of my parents got cars from their parents but thats besides the point)
I'm honestly a good kid. I've put myself through college and have good grades. Even with all their failures and disapproval of me going to school, I love them and want the best for them. It's not written in the constituion that they have to help me get a car, but it wouldn't take bread off their table either. There's not much I can do about it, but I know i'll treat my future kids better.

How do i help them get their money in order?

 

[HK]

My parents have helped me since I left home, but I've never asked for it. Not once. They've always made it clear though that I could ask if I needed to, which perhaps is the difference between us - the fact they've always been generous means I have a strong desire to not just take from them unless I get desperate, whereas the way you talk sounds like you think your parents almost owe you for the help you've given them previously.


I don't think you've answered why you can't just take the van they've offered and fix it up?

 

[Panacea]

Panacea,

That's rough. Sorry to hear that. It's not right. Parents should be the ones who are smart with money.

My dad told me today he disproves of me ever going to college. It's like they're punishing me for wanting to have a life. (both of my parents got cars from their parents but thats besides the point)
I'm honestly a good kid. I've put myself through college and have good grades. Even with all their failures and disapproval of me going to school, I love them and want the best for them. It's not written in the constituion that they have to help me get a car, but it wouldn't take bread off their table either. There's not much I can do about it, but I know i'll treat my future kids better.

How do i help them get their money in order?

I'm not too sad about it. I have "parent issues" for a lot of other reasons but I will say, it's good I wasn't babied and had to kind of learn responsibility and see how life can be at an early age. I think I'm stronger for it.

That sounds just like my parents, they think I'm an asshole for going to school. Given the economy they think they have the last laugh because I did accrue student loan debt. Time will tell, but I don't waste my money, at least.

The only person any of us have control over is ourselves. I don't know if your parents will ever change. I tend to just accept that people who have lived a certain way for a long time aren't likely to change.

 

[Johnfromokc]

Broseph - Ever consider military commissioned officer program? Pretty damned good pay and bennies for a recent college graduate. You could have the cash saved for a decent car by the time you graduate boot camp.

I enlisted in the Marine Corps at 18 and I was happy as hell to drive my dads 1978 Chevy Nova with an AM radio and a straight 6 engine with no air conditioning to my first duty station in the Mojave Desert.

Officer life beats the hell out of enlisted life. Great opportunity to consider. If I had my youth to do over, that's what I'd do - but I'd join the Air force. All that He-Man Marine Corps shit's overrated.

 

[Broseph]

Broseph - Ever consider military commissioned officer program? Pretty damned good pay and bennies for a recent college graduate. You could have the cash saved for a decent car by the time you graduate boot camp.

I enlisted in the Marine Corps at 18 and I was happy as hell to drive my dads 1978 Chevy Nova with an AM radio and a straight 6 engine with no air conditioning to my first duty station in the Mojave Desert.

Officer life beats the hell out of enlisted life. Great opportunity to consider. If I had my youth to do over, that's what I'd do - but I'd join the Air force. All that He-Man Marine Corps shit's overrated.

!!! Holy.....thats scary...i'm applying for Officer Flight School in the corps--my recruiter is helping me put together a package and i've been working on my pullups haha. Hopefully i'll get in. My brother enlisted--he leaves for paris island in march

 

[Abcinthia]

You know what I'm really stuggling to understand: how you can say your parents have bad money issues, no savings etc yet you want them to give you a car? Or have I really missed something?

 

[Johnfromokc]

!!! Holy.....thats scary...i'm applying for Officer Flight School in the corps--my recruiter is helping me put together a package and i've been working on my pullups haha. Hopefully i'll get in. My brother enlisted--he leaves for paris island in march

Know this - The Marine Corps does not fuck around. You best be serious because OCS is no cakewalk and they have no sympathy for anyone. In today's world, combat is a given. Choose carefully and good luck.
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