Mother-in-law sends worst email ever to bride: forgivable?

[Aries]

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/mother-in-law-sends-worst-email-ever-to-bride-forgivable-2504517/

Last month, 60-year-old British florist and total mom-zilla, Carolyn Bourne attacked. After her stepson’s bride-to-be, Heidi Withers, was a guest in her house she had a thing or two to teach her before she entered the Bourne family.


from: Carolyn Bourne
to: heidi withers
subject: your lack of manners

Here are a few examples of your lack of manners:

When you are a guest in another's house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat - unless you are positively allergic to something.

You do not remark that you do not have enough food.

You do not start before everyone else.

You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.

When a guest in another's house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early - you fall in line with house norms.

You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter.

You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why. No one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.

I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters' marriages.)

If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.

One could be accused of thinking that Heidi Withers must be patting herself on the back for having caught a most eligible young man. I pity Freddie.

 

[Abcinthia]

I wonder if the wedding will go ahead now.

I can imagine things are very awkward. Awkward towards the mother for writing it and awkward towards the daughter-in-law for sending it to everyone.

 

[Niamh]

eek :eek

maybe the daughter-in-law to be really is a bitch :24:

 

[Aries]

eek :eek

maybe the daughter-in-law to be really is a bitch :24:

I was thinking the same thing.:thumbup

 

[Panacea]

Not forgivable without an apology and change of behavior. I don't know how this soon to be bride behaves, or how awful she may be, herself, but this is rude and bitchy. It's not written in a spirit of wanting to foster a relationship, it's just catty and superior.

Horrible.

 

[Zorak]

Typical lower middle class British woman... Has aspirations and delusions of living in the higher echelons; a ridiculous adherence to dated social etiquette, and insane jealousy over castles and weddings.

 

[mak2]

I think Mom should have told her to her face instead of by email. I have never said this before but I think the MIL was right or at least less wrong then the DIL. I wish everyone would say what they mean.

 

[HK]

I can sort of see her point. I think it was a terrible idea to write all that down and send it, but I also think it's rude to do some of things her daughter in law apparently did, like remark about not having enough food, say she won't eat certain foods, and lie in bed when everyone has gotten up (which I guess included her fiance).

I'm not the fussiest eater, but I really dislike sweetcorn. One of the first times I came to my boyfriend's parents, his mum served a shepherds pie that had sweetcorn, among other vegetables, mixed in with the meat. I ate it all anyway, and didn't mention it.

Also, I get the feeling from this that the mother in law probably didn't want to like her daughter in law before this event. They've probably met before if she's planning a wedding with the woman's son, but I'd imagine this is just the tip of the iceberg of dislike between them.

 

[Panacea]

Typical lower middle class British woman... Has aspirations and delusions of living in the higher echelons; a ridiculous adherence to dated social etiquette, and insane jealousy over castles and weddings.

This is exactly the way I see it.
In my opinion, it sounds like the future daughter in law is comfortable with this family, and it can be debated that her behavior is a bit out of line, but this woman is acting like she flashed her bare arse at the Queen.

 

[Panacea]

I will admit, I am flat out terrified of my boyfriend's mother. I have not met her (she lives on the other side of the continent), but I imagine I am in for a few of these letters if she doesn't take a liking to me. :eek

 

[MoonOwl]

hehehehehehehehehehe...... Ah, ouch.:24:

That's the thing about the written word - or in this day & age - an email. Ya can't take it back once it's out there so you better be damn sure you can live with the consequences of getting things off your chest.

If Mrs. Bourne's observations are accurate, it seems Bourne Jr is about to marry a HMB and perhaps should think twice? Unless he's into that sort of woman... *doomed to fail dude*

Still, Mrs. Bourne should have kept her 'observations' to herself or at least said these things delicately to Heidi's face. She displayed poor manners by calling Hedi out on her high-maintenance behaviour in an email. hehehehehehehehehe..... for all the world to see & comment on :24:

I'm lucky. I love my wonderful Daughter-in-Law :nod: Even if she does pronounce certain words funny D

 

[darkcgi]

Thats hilarious
How does thoust getest so hoidie toide.
"Who stuck the corn cob up that lady's butt!"
That is a sign of ignorance to place youself above and below people like some kind of numbering chart.

 

[darkcgi]

but she might be right but its principal of how it is being said

 

[Panacea]

Whatever she did wrong as illustrated by the first few stanzas of the rant are nullified by this, imo:

You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why. No one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.

I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters' marriages.)

If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.

One could be accused of thinking that Heidi Withers must be patting herself on the back for having caught a most eligible young man. I pity Freddie.

 

[Abcinthia]

I'd mention food I don't eat. I won't eat fish or any sea food and I'll make it known I don't eat it. I think it's ruder to leave a plate of food untouched or to sit not eating whilst everyone else is.

And as for the helping herself, I did wonder about that. Was Heidi just getting up and rummaging through the cupboards or was it during a meal and just helping herself to food on the table? In my opinion, if you don't want people to help themselves to food, you don't put it on the table during a meal.

 

[Defiant Tuesday]

Typical lower middle class British woman... Has aspirations and delusions of living in the higher echelons; a ridiculous adherence to dated social etiquette, and insane jealousy over castles and weddings.

:thumbup

 

[Skorpy]

Wow,

My reply, would be piss off!!

 

[hart]

I think it is wrong of the MIL to be to write all this, tell her if she feels she must. But on the other hand, why the HELL would you show the letter to anyone except maybe the son if your feelings were hurt?

I don't see this becoming a happy family.....

 

[Darrell]

I agree with everything she said. :dunno

 

[brieze]

I'd marry the guy as planned, then keep catching her eye and smiling the day of.