Crossroads

[Diggin Deep]

I need prayers please.

I am so struggling with the fact that I had a misunderstanding with this forum male friend who's a Christian himself. Given our past misunderstandings I've never betrayed his trust. I have informed him of the transactions i deal with others when it was regarding him i talk about. What i can expose about him, it surely will ruin his reputation here at forum given what he had done and words he had blurted out and name calling in his anger about his female friends in particular. I have kept his secrets of the things he tells about his friends here There's 2 particular female friends of his he had done this besides others. I have disliked that about him as I feel it's a non-Christian way to deal with things and shows his lack of respect for women. I feel like he pretends too much to befriend these ladies now whilst what he had told me about them :ninja

I am so tempted to expose him as I have learned he had betrayed my trust. I am torn given i know if i expose him, that would be non-Chrsitian like of me as I know i should forgive and forget. I have given my apology for what I have done on my part in this misunderstanding. He however given he's not faultless too had not which was acceptable to me as that's his prerogative. My biggie is his betrayal of my trust and I feel so vindictive that if he can do such things why can't i go the same route to save my reputation too ? Is he the only one who has that right? Juz coz I am a Christian I cant do the same thing? But he's a Christian himself :ninja

Help please. I need to be stronger than I am now :willy_nilly:

Dove...my thoughts and prayers are with you!

 

[Diggin Deep]

At church on good friday, we usually sing "The Old Rugged Cross". It's a beautiful song which expresses Jesus' suffering for all. :thumbup

That is a very good song!

 

[freakofnature]

I need prayers please.

I am so struggling with the fact that I had a misunderstanding with this forum male friend who's a Christian himself. Given our past misunderstandings I've never betrayed his trust. I have informed him of the transactions i deal with others when it was regarding him i talk about. What i can expose about him, it surely will ruin his reputation here at forum given what he had done and words he had blurted out and name calling in his anger about his female friends in particular. I have kept his secrets of the things he tells about his friends here There's 2 particular female friends of his he had done this besides others. I have disliked that about him as I feel it's a non-Christian way to deal with things and shows his lack of respect for women. I feel like he pretends too much to befriend these ladies now whilst what he had told me about them :ninja

I am so tempted to expose him as I have learned he had betrayed my trust. I am torn given i know if i expose him, that would be non-Chrsitian like of me as I know i should forgive and forget. I have given my apology for what I have done on my part in this misunderstanding. He however given he's not faultless too had not which was acceptable to me as that's his prerogative. My biggie is his betrayal of my trust and I feel so vindictive that if he can do such things why can't i go the same route to save my reputation too ? Is he the only one who has that right? Juz coz I am a Christian I cant do the same thing? But he's a Christian himself :ninja

Help please. I need to be stronger than I am now :willy_nilly:

I'm probably the last person you want responding to this but I thought I'd weigh in on it anyway because I've had a similar experience. At some point you just have to relieve yourself of being responsible for other people's relationships. If you don't your life just becomes one giant soap opera. Believe me, I know. I've been there. If this person is deceiving others that's on his conscience, not yours. Sometimes the best thing is just to remove yourself from the situation altogether and let it resolve itself. Let go, let God. :nod:

 

[purpledove]

Dove...my thoughts and prayers are with you!

Thanks mucho

 

[purpledove]

I'm probably the last person you want responding to this but I thought I'd weigh in on it anyway because I've had a similar experience. At some point you just have to relieve yourself of being responsible for other people's relationships. If you don't your life just becomes one giant soap opera. Believe me, I know. I've been there. If this person is deceiving others that's on his conscience, not yours. Sometimes the best thing is just to remove yourself from the situation altogether and let it resolve itself. Let go, let God. :nod:

If such a similar experience you mention is just knowing that person in forum then the situation here is different! i know this guy even b4 i became a member here. I know so much about him and I feel it's not right that he can betray my trust. In the same way I have not betrayed his that I expected that much from him given he's a Christian.

I am not bothered abt his relationships per se as more of the *trust* he has shattered to pieces. I would care less what he does around with his friends as I have done just that for nearly a week now after the misunderstanding. I have said my peace with him just for the sake of order at forum! But seemingly he's not letting go with his hardened heart! The betrayal of trust is what bothers me a lot.

I guess I just need to pray a li'l bit harder and since I know the heavens will heed my prayers if there are more that go to him in request for wisdom, strength and peace hence my request.....

I appreciate it.

 

[freakofnature]

My previous comment was a general observation and not just to be taken in the context of this forum. Just to be clear.

 

[purpledove]

My previous comment was a general observation and not just to be taken in the context of this forum. Just to be clear.

Gotcha and your advice is well appreciated. I like what you said to 'Let go and Let God'- I know of a book titled as that! That has a strong impact and i'll keep that in mind. :thumbup

Thx

 

[Willow]

I need prayers please.

I am so struggling with the fact that I had a misunderstanding with this forum male friend who's a Christian himself. Given our past misunderstandings I've never betrayed his trust. I have informed him of the transactions i deal with others when it was regarding him i talk about. What i can expose about him, it surely will ruin his reputation here at forum given what he had done and words he had blurted out and name calling in his anger about his female friends in particular. I have kept his secrets of the things he tells about his friends here There's 2 particular female friends of his he had done this besides others. I have disliked that about him as I feel it's a non-Christian way to deal with things and shows his lack of respect for women. I feel like he pretends too much to befriend these ladies now whilst what he had told me about them :ninja

I am so tempted to expose him as I have learned he had betrayed my trust. I am torn given i know if i expose him, that would be non-Chrsitian like of me as I know i should forgive and forget. I have given my apology for what I have done on my part in this misunderstanding. He however given he's not faultless too had not which was acceptable to me as that's his prerogative. My biggie is his betrayal of my trust and I feel so vindictive that if he can do such things why can't i go the same route to save my reputation too ? Is he the only one who has that right? Juz coz I am a Christian I cant do the same thing? But he's a Christian himself :ninja

Help please. I need to be stronger than I am now :willy_nilly:

When Diggin Deep invited me to participate in this thread, I promised him I would take a look.. I decided to wait a while and just read what you all post here, but I hesitated to post anything because my spiritual life is very different than all of yours, and I feel that by talking about me, I would probably sound like I would be trying to get the thread into a different road.. which is not what I would be trying to do at all..

I will tell you what my life is about later on, but today, I'm here to support my friend with my love, words, compassion and wisdom coming out of my heart and life experiences..

Through the forums, PurpleDove and I have been developing a close friendship.. we live on opposite sides of the country and have never met, but communicate with each other through PMs, email and Facebook messages almost daily..
I know some of the things she has been through in her life, and she knows a lot about me, my life and my family..
Friendship means a lot for me.. I am a very loyal and loving friend, so when she asked me today to take a look at her post here, I said I would...
So this post is for you, my friend..

Sweetheart, you know more about me than even my own family knows, and by now you have probably realized that everything I do or say comes from my heart, and there is no place in it for bitterness, vindictiveness, betrayal or anything else..
My heart is filled completely with love.. not the romantic kind, but the pure, unadulterated, unconditional love that is coming from the ultimate source.. You can call that source by many names... From God to the Universe and everything in between.. Everyone has a different name for it...

We all came from the same place, and will be going to the same place after out last day on this earth is done..
As with languages, which we speak in so many.. we manifest our spirituality and beliefs in different languages all over the world... but the source is the exact same one for all of us..

While I believe in God, I choose to call my source The Universe.. Others call it a different name, but that does not matter when all is said and done..

I don't know the person you are talking about, but by reading your words, I can feel how much this person's behavior has affected you and I'm here to tell you some very important lessons I learned in my life... the very hard way..

- You cannot live someone's life... you can only live yours..

- You cannot make someone love you... you have to learn to love yourself...

- You cannot solve other people's problems... you can only solve yours, and they have to do the work to solve theirs...

You said this person has told you things about his friends, pretends to be a friend to others and has badmouthed his friends to you...

In my mind, this person is not a friend.. he is not your friend and neither is he a friend to the the other people he talks about.. He has no place in your lives at all..

In the metaphysical world, he is what it's called a toxic person.. an energy vampire.. they are constantly cruising, looking for fresh energy from others, because they are incapable to create anything good for themselves..

The sole purpose of these people is to drain others of their good energy.. they pick it up like a magnet picks up steel.. until the other person has nothing left to carry them on... then they discard the drained person like yesterday's garbage... and go on to find their next target..

You need to get rid of that kind of trash from your life... cut all those invisible ties and free yourself... don't let yourself be ensnared into those tentacles, because the longer you allow them to pull you, the more difficult it will be for you to break free..

You have also said you had misunderstandings with this person and feel betrayed by him...
Being a Christian or anything else for that matter, does not give anyone the right to betray, hurt, badmouth or not respect others..
You cannot do the right things for him, and neither can you make him do things correctly... He is the only one that can do those things and he is the one that will have to answer to God when his time comes..

You asked me on that thread I started about getting to know me, how did I stayed the way I am and did not become bitter in spite of all that has happened to me in my life... I replied to you there, but I don't know if you saw it, so here is the link to the thread.. it was a long reply and I don't want to do the same here.. so take a look :
http://www.offtopicz.net/showthread.php?t=75197

The reason I bring up that thread is because I don't like to see the words expose, vindictive and others.. and I like them less when used by a friend..
Those words are the poison that bring our souls down.. In our minds, they might make us feel powerful just thinking of putting them into actions... but they are just useless tools, which have the opposite effect on us if we use them..
They bring bitterness and anger instead of peace into our hearts...

Please listen to my words, and let go of any thoughts you might have about exposing him to others.. he knows exactly what he is doing.. and others are not blind about his actions..
His time will come one day, and he will have no place to hide..

Please don't feel vindictive about his betrayal.. that will only make you bitter and full of stress.. Look inside your heart and find the strength to let go of all negative feelings.. Let go of him and all other energy vampires that are making your life miserable...

An eye for an eye will only bring you despair and grief..

Carry your head high and live your life to the fullest... Enjoy every minute of it with the people that love you unconditionally and are important to you... your son, your family and your real friends..those are the ones that will stand by you no matter what...

Think positive thoughts at all times and vanish negativity from your life.. You are stronger than you think.. Soar with your life above everyone!..

As every night, I will be sending you lots of healing and loving energies to help you live your best life..

I love you ♥

 

[purpledove]

@ Willow: Thanks so much. I didn't expect this kind of post from you. I have read the answer to that post you made re: what made you be who you are today? Thanks for reminding me about that.

I don't believe in religion per se. Belonging to a non-denominational side of Christianity, we don't segregate people per religion! We go by faith through grace and personal relationship with God. Though you call your source as Universe. I know that higher being is God. The head of the Universe is God. Given the pureness and unconditionality of your friendship, I am certain that you have the utmost qualities that a friend looks for in a true friend hence my appreciation for what you do and sacrifice for me.

Per each time you bring me back to where I wanna be. Reality sets in when you open my eyes to certain things/scenario i dont see! This always makes me teary eyed how you are so right abt things that I had been blinded on. It's what I struggle with in re: this old friendship i had. I've always been surrounded by true friends in the outside world ( not online) and had never had experienced online friendships b4. He was the first I ever had whom I met online. Having been communicating for nearly 3 years now and have met- I thought I could trust him. Only to realize that the type of loyalty I have given to him as I have given all my other non- online friends is non- existent when true friendship is tested.

This scenario makes it harder for me to fathom esp coming from a Christian dude he claims to be. Bcoz of his anger and unforgiveness, he rubs the negative feelings on me! That tempts me to be vindictive. I dislike the feeling hence my request for the prayers as I am but human who is weak and I dont know how long I can last to let him do these things without me retaliating. I know I will regret the consequences hence am trying to fight against such a temptation.

That's what am afraid of when thru the experience of constant hurt, it makes one strong to fight back yet sort of makes one develop through time a hardened heart. One becomes insensitive and sarcastic to others. The empathy towards others is lost. Hence seeing you, I wanna know that secret ! You had been subdued to many trials through your years and yet remain to have a pure, non vindictive heart. I wanna have that! I dont wanna grow old and miserable and heartless to other's needs and feelings as some others have been transformed that way. Thanks for sharing your experiences with me Willow. You're truly an angel sent from up above.

I shall keep your advices guide me everyday! Thanks so much from the bottom of my heart! Love yah too ♥

 

[freakofnature]

- You cannot make someone love you... you have to learn to love yourself...

This was a very very hard lesson for me to learn. But once I finally figured it out I experienced so much more freedom to be me.

 

[Diggin Deep]

Willow...amazing post and amazing advice. You should come back more often I think everyone could learn from what you wrote, including myself.

 

[Diggin Deep]

Remind

God, I want to receive from you in all the ways you have for me. Remind me of how simple it can be to hear from you today.

READ
1 Peter 4:10-11

REFLECT
God speaks in so many different ways. Sometimes it’s barely audible. Sometimes it’s loud and obvious. Sometimes it’s in a dream. Sometimes it’s a phone message from a friend. It can be hard to receive from God in ways we’re not used to.

Here’s what someone has to say about receiving from God through community:

“I had no idea how hard it would be to receive from God, and receive from God through others. I used to think my hesitation was because I didn’t want to be selfish. But then I realized it’s because receiving means getting really humble. When I was waving aside God’s attention on me, I was actually saying, ‘I’m fine on my own. You’re not necessary.’ Big, troubling statements. So the first thing I do now when I’m getting prideful and independent, is get brave and receive some help.”

RESPOND
So...accept some attention. It’s not easy, but tell God and your Jesus-following friends what you need and how you feel. That’s being humble. Then, when God responds, thank him.

 

[Diggin Deep]

Refresh

God, I want to hear from you. Open my ears and my heart to hear what you have to say.

READ
Romans 15:13
Romans 5:5

REFLECT
Filled with joy, peace and trust. Overflowing with hope and power. Love pouring into our hearts. The verses you just read are both talking about ways we can receive from God through the Holy Spirit, another vessel through which God shows his immense love for us.

How can we receive from the Holy Spirit? He gives guidance (Romans 8:14), comforts (John 16:7) and speaks truth (John 16:13). And, according to 1 Corinthians 2:10, the Holy Spirit reveals God to us.

RESPOND
Which of these characteristics of the Holy Spirit do you most desire to experience? Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal more of that aspect of himself to you. And check out what the Bible says about the Holy Spirit. The first few chapters of Acts are a good place to start.

 

[Diggin Deep]

Replay

God, help me focus on your character and love today.

READ
Psalm 19

REFLECT
Receiving from God often starts with worshiping him. Worship can be anything that helps us replay for our hearts the truth about God’s character and his love. A great way to do that is to praise Him, thank him for what he’s done in your life and tell him what you love about him.

The book of Psalms (the big one near the middle of the Bible) is full of prayers of praise and worship. A great way to start thanking God is to pray through one of these Psalms. Take Psalm 19 (what you read today). Read through it and use your own words to translate Psalm 19 into your own prayer of thanks to God.

RESPOND
Consider what it would look like for you to have a regular rhythm of changing what’s not working in your life and filling that space with receiving from God. What would it look like and how can you start?

 

[Diggin Deep]

I went back to church yesterday. I haven't been able to go the past couple of weeks since we have been really busy and out of town. I never thought I'd actually miss church going to church. Yesterday was awesome. I've always been a believer that church was in the heart and not needed to carry on my relationship with God. Even though I still believe that you don't have to go to church, it really helps!!!

 

[Diggin Deep]

Embracing the tension in God’s plan

God, please help me trust you through life’s uncertainty. Help me trust that the ups and downs of my life are all part of your greater plan - a plan that goes beyond what I can comprehend.

READ
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

REFLECT
One reason it’s hard to put our trust in God’s great, overarching plan for our lives is that our perspective is limited. When jobs, family, friends and our personal passions compete for attention, it can feel like we’re walking through a cluttered attic with the lights off - all the outdated furniture and boxes of old clothes make it hard to find the door without banging your shins.

But this poetic passage shows us that there’s actually order to the chaos, that if we have faith and keep stumbling forward, we’ll eventually find a wall, or a familiar fixture that orients us toward the door we’re seeking. God’s work is complex beyond what we could possibly understand, and certainly can seem like a collection of random events. But the verses we’ll explore this week can help give us a glimpse of how we can embrace the tension in God’s indescribably complex master plan.

RESPOND
Consider the structure of this passage, how every action listed has an equal, balancing reaction. Now consider events in your life that balance negative and positive stress. Write out a brief list of things that cause negative stress in your life (i.e. a challenging work environment, or a relationship that keeps you up at night). Next to that list, see if you can write out aspects of those same things that bring you joy (the job satisfaction that motivates you to work hard, or the things about your relationship that inspire you to be the best person you can be). Does the list balance out?

 

[Diggin Deep]

Embrace the tension of timing

God, please help me trust that even though life sometimes feels uncertain, the changes and challenges that occur in my life are all part of something much bigger, a plan you’ve made that goes beyond what I can see or comprehend.

READ
Ecclesiastes 3:9-15

REFLECT
The passages from Ecclesiastes we’ll study for the next two weeks explore the various ways tension manifests itself in our lives. From patience to vanity, work to relationships, positive and negative tensions are constants in our lives. At their worst, these tensions can make it difficult to believe in a loving, caring God who has bigger plans for us.

But at its best, this tension can be faith building and inspiring. Today’s reading, for example, tackles the idea of timing; who doesn’t wish now and then that we could get what we want when we want it, rather than having to wait. Maybe it’s greed, fear of losing what we desire or a side effect of today’s ’instant-access’ culture. But just as fighting against God’s timing causes great tension, this passage comforts us with the message that taking the opposite track - embracing the idea that the timing of our lives fits God’s plan, and isn’t really in our control - can relieve that tension and give us a clearer view of God’s grand plan for our lives.

RESPOND
Consider the cliché phrase, "good things come to those who wait." Jot down a few examples in your own life where this has been true. If you’re struggling with patience in some aspect of your life right now, does recalling these past experiences give you a better perspective on how to handle your current challenge?

 

[Diggin Deep]

Embracing the tension of toil

God, please help me trust that even though life sometimes feels uncertain, the changes and challenges that occur in my life are all part of something much bigger, a plan you’ve made that goes beyond what I can see or comprehend.

READ
Ecclesiastes 3:16-22

REFLECT
Many of us are taught the same lesson from an early age: work hard, always strive for something better, and you’ll eventually reach a magic, happy point of ultimate success where we can relax and enjoy the fruits of our labor.

Today’s passage tackles the tension of work. Solomon makes a straightforward argument here: the world contains injustice and wickedness that we can’t control. It’s God’s reminder that we’re a small part of a much bigger plan. But God judges both good and bad in his own time, so it makes sense that we should embrace the tension between the frustrations of working in an unjust world and the joy of knowing we’re fulfilling our unique roles in God’s great master plan.

Misdirected ambition, whether in our careers or our ’life’s work’ to make the world better, can overwhelm us and leave us frustrated, bitter and with a sense of incompetence. Embracing the tension and limits of our control, however, opens a valuable door: we gain comfort and understanding that God is in control and he’ll make clear our role in the big picture.

RESPOND
Think about the happiest, most content person you’ve ever met, and answer these questions:

• When you ask that person what he or she does, does the conversation revolve around a job or does it focus on a bigger ’life mission?’
• Does the person talk more about his or her career, or about his or her family?
• Is the person materially wealthy?
• What is the person known for: holding a powerful position, making a huge salary or creating change that makes the world better, safer or more beautiful?

Reflect on how this person’s answers are similar to or different from your own. What does that tell you about how you embrace the tension of toil?

 

[purpledove]

I went back to church yesterday. I haven't been able to go the past couple of weeks since we have been really busy and out of town. I never thought I'd actually miss church going to church. Yesterday was awesome. I've always been a believer that church was in the heart and not needed to carry on my relationship with God. Even though I still believe that you don't have to go to church, it really helps!!!

I totally agree with your last statement. I feel that it truly helps being in that kind of a positive environment. The ambience of the church, listening to the message for the day and juz being surrounded by fellow believers makes a big difference

I try to go on Wednesday evenings also but like today, I skipped it again :willy_nilly:

Have you ever heard of the Harvest Crusade?

 

[purpledove]

I read your posts every time altho' I haven't been posting! The past few days, I had been missing them. Coming to visit this time, the embracing the tension series is very appropriate for my situation eh! Whoah! How God works in mysterious ways! Thanks :thumbup