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Dakota Jim

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This is the last of a story I wrote a couple years ago....It's a full novel but it ends here:

The San Diego County Coroner called and stated that the body could be released for the funeral, and that the cause of death was Coronary Thrombosis. When she asked what that meant, he explained that a blood clot had hit Don‘s heart, and he died almost immediately. So, that was easier to live with than a bullet in his brain, she thought.

When she told Ace of that call, he seemed relieved, and she felt as if a weight was lifted off her shoulders too. So, next was the funeral, and on with her life. She didn‘t owe Don‘s friends anything, beyond the funeral. When it was done, she and Ace could take up their new life together.

The next morning they arose early and had a light breakfast. They had separate missions this morning. Ace was returning Don‘s leased car. He had removed all the personal items from it last night, and Barbara was meeting with the funeral director, to purchase a coffin and plan Don‘s funeral. Barbara left at 8 a.m. and was to meet Mr. Ballet at the funeral home on El Cajon Blvd. at 8:30. Ace had spoken with the leasing company the day before, and was told he would be brought back home, after the car was returned and checked out.

When he got into Don‘s car he felt strange. Here he was, a man who had been making love with this guy‘s wife and now he was driving his car. It was a beautiful, clear San Diego morning. A perfect day for a drive. Ace marveled at the smooth sound of the engine as he started it. The kind of engine you could balance a nickel on the hood, he thought.

Hub had reached Harry. When he was told of the death of Don and the need to call off the hitter, Harry picked up the phone to call Ace. He dialed the number he had used before but go a message…” We‘re sorry the number you have reached is no longer in service and there is no new number“.
Harry thought, couldn‘t be. Ace hadn‘t told him of any number change. He dialed again. Same results. Harry called Hub back at Ace‘s office, and asked if he had a new number for Ace. Hub told him he never called Ace, that Ace always called him. Harry put down the phone and thought about it. Well, his shooter would be checking in with him, and he would simply call him off. It shouldn‘t be a problem for anyone.

As Ace began the journey to the leasing office he hadn‘t gotten out of the woods, when he saw a car parked at a strange angle on the side of the road near a large tree. Outside the car looking confused, was a young woman. Probably either out of gas or lost, Ace thought, as he slowed down beside the woman. He rolled his passenger window down and asked if he could help her. Before she said a word, Ace saw movement in the backseat of her car. As he watched, he saw a man rise up and point the end of a rifle at him. For a split instant he was confused, then he understood. The hit man! This is the car he’s looking for! Ace threw up his hands and shouted, “No, No!! I am not the guy you.........…“

The last thing Ace saw was the flash. He never heard what caused the birds to all take flight. That loud sound that echoed in the hills. Boom...boom....boom
 
 
 
 
 
 
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Margene

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Yeah...the last chapter doesn't reflect the story but I thought I'd be different and give up the ending.

:thumbup Great idea honey!

No, the ending doesn't give it away. Darn, if I hadn't read it already, you would have fooled me because I've skipped to the end of a book to find out what happened (impatient child that I was). :)
 

Ryder

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Chapter One:
Off The Grid

Welcome To Santa Lina! A place of hope and dreams! The sign screams that get in the faces of passing motorists as they drive into this city. What it should say is Welcome to Santa Lina! A place of crushed dreams and lost hopes! The sign lies. It always does whenever Christian passes it. Christian focused his eyes on the road in front of him the only thing that illumined it was the headlights of his car. Christian used to be the star cop of the force that could now be outwitted by a goldfish. Then something happened that changed all that. Christian was taken captive by a group of the most violent and disgusting scum the city had to offer. And to make sure he didn’t get back in their business they somehow got a hold of his parents and made him watch as they were shot point blank in the head. Christian didn’t continue his career as a cop anymore. He resigned from the force and melded into the darkness of the city. He had lost touch with his brother James or Jay as Christian called him. His sister Samus he had also lost contact with. Last he heard she was a big shot bounty hunter or something. Christian closed the door of his car with a slight slam. He looked at the seedy bar with distasteful eyes. He had sapphire blue eyes and brownish blackish hair that fell into his eyes. He wore a black jacket with a white t-shirt blue jeans and brown shoes. His gun was at his back. He walked into the bar and hearing the grunts and groans of the drunks as someone beat the crap out of them brought a slight smile to his lips. He looked up at the person. She stood on a chair one leg on the table one on the chair. She jumped off the table and sat in the chair tipping it back. She had brownish blackish hair that ended at the small of her back. She wore sunglasses over her eyes but he knew what color her eyes were. She wore a long black leather trench coat that draped around the white tank top she was wearing with blue jeans and black boots that obviously had knives in them. Christian’s eyes flicked to the guy who was with her. He was tall at least six feet with long shaggy blond hair that covered his eyes. Christian remembered remarking once that if he stared at someone long enough his ice blue eyes could look into someone’s soul. He wore a black t-shirt with blue jeans white sneakers. A hoodie around his shoulders. Christian approached the group. “Hello Samus.” He said with a slight smile to her. The bounty hunter looked at him for a moment scanning him. A small smile appeared on her lips. “Hello little brother. I heard you quit the force.” She remarked removing the sunglasses that hid her eyes from behind the blackened lenses. She looked at him. “I knew you would find me someday. Didn’t expect it to be so soon though.” He said looking at her little brother. The female bartender walked up to him. “What’ll you have hon?” she asked. “Get me a scotch.” Christian replied. The women walked away. “What brings ya to the shithole of bar?” asked his sister as she drew a char. She pointed to it and Christian knew that meant sit. “I dear sister. Am looking for a couple people. You and your sources will be a good help.” He said. “And what makes you think we want to help?” She asked stealing a glance at her boyfriend. “Jay fell off grid two months back.” He said. Samus’ head turned to Christian so fast he was surprised it didn’t snap off. “Jay?” she said. The women returned with the drink. Christian sipped it. “Yeah. Jay. We need to find him. Don’t do it for money sis. Do it for the family.” He said looking at her. She looked down for a moment as if mulling this over. “Alright little bro. We’’ll help you.” She said looking at her boyfriend who nodded.
 

Dakota Jim

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Chapter One:
Off The Grid

Welcome To Santa Lina! A place of hope and dreams! The sign screams that get in the faces of passing motorists as they drive into this city. What it should say is Welcome to Santa Lina! A place of crushed dreams and lost hopes! The sign lies. It always does whenever Christian passes it. Christian focused his eyes on the road in front of him the only thing that illumined it was the headlights of his car. Christian used to be the star cop of the force that could now be outwitted by a goldfish. Then something happened that changed all that. Christian was taken captive by a group of the most violent and disgusting scum the city had to offer. And to make sure he didn’t get back in their business they somehow got a hold of his parents and made him watch as they were shot point blank in the head. Christian didn’t continue his career as a cop anymore. He resigned from the force and melded into the darkness of the city. He had lost touch with his brother James or Jay as Christian called him. His sister Samus he had also lost contact with. Last he heard she was a big shot bounty hunter or something. Christian closed the door of his car with a slight slam. He looked at the seedy bar with distasteful eyes. He had sapphire blue eyes and brownish blackish hair that fell into his eyes. He wore a black jacket with a white t-shirt blue jeans and brown shoes. His gun was at his back. He walked into the bar and hearing the grunts and groans of the drunks as someone beat the crap out of them brought a slight smile to his lips. He looked up at the person. She stood on a chair one leg on the table one on the chair. She jumped off the table and sat in the chair tipping it back. She had brownish blackish hair that ended at the small of her back. She wore sunglasses over her eyes but he knew what color her eyes were. She wore a long black leather trench coat that draped around the white tank top she was wearing with blue jeans and black boots that obviously had knives in them. Christian’s eyes flicked to the guy who was with her. He was tall at least six feet with long shaggy blond hair that covered his eyes. Christian remembered remarking once that if he stared at someone long enough his ice blue eyes could look into someone’s soul. He wore a black t-shirt with blue jeans white sneakers. A hoodie around his shoulders. Christian approached the group. “Hello Samus.” He said with a slight smile to her. The bounty hunter looked at him for a moment scanning him. A small smile appeared on her lips. “Hello little brother. I heard you quit the force.” She remarked removing the sunglasses that hid her eyes from behind the blackened lenses. She looked at him. “I knew you would find me someday. Didn’t expect it to be so soon though.” He said looking at her little brother. The female bartender walked up to him. “What’ll you have hon?” she asked. “Get me a scotch.” Christian replied. The women walked away. “What brings ya to the shithole of bar?” asked his sister as she drew a char. She pointed to it and Christian knew that meant sit. “I dear sister. Am looking for a couple people. You and your sources will be a good help.” He said. “And what makes you think we want to help?” She asked stealing a glance at her boyfriend. “Jay fell off grid two months back.” He said. Samus’ head turned to Christian so fast he was surprised it didn’t snap off. “Jay?” she said. The women returned with the drink. Christian sipped it. “Yeah. Jay. We need to find him. Don’t do it for money sis. Do it for the family.” He said looking at her. She looked down for a moment as if mulling this over. “Alright little bro. We’’ll help you.” She said looking at her boyfriend who nodded.


It's well written but put in paragraphs...otherwise the lines begin to swim for the reader.
 
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