Mrs Behavin
Well-Known Member
Now you can pick the condom just right for your sign!
Scorpio
Scorpio condoms outsell all others. That's probably because people try
to impress each other with their sexual prowess by pretending that
they're a Scorpio. The truth is that no right thinking Scorpio would get
caught dead wearing a condom. But then death doesn't scare a Scorpio. And
a Scorpio doesn't get caught. Scorpio condoms come in two editions,
basic black and the stealthy invisible model. Both leather and studs are
optional. Also, because propriety concerns Scorpio, each package of
Scorpio condoms comes with a preprinted, pre-coital agreement. Symbolized
by the venomous Scorpion, when you really want to sting your lover, you
want a Scorpio condom.
Sagittarius
Sagittarians are known for their worldly pursuits, gamesmanship,
cosmopolitan attitude and knack for doing things in a big way. Sagittarian
condoms are the sportier models. They come equipped with travel cases.
Sagittarian condoms are the ones that go with you and grow with you. They
promise a lot and they are extra thick to protect against fluids of a
dubious nature. The archer symbolizes Sagittarius. When you want to be
on target with Cupid's arrows, you want a Sagittarius condom.
Capricorn
Capricorns are known for their longevity, wisdom, practicality,
ambition and earthy sensuality. Capricorns tend to be on the conservative
side. Capricorn condoms are the most durable, having the longest shelf
life. Capricorn condoms are extra strong to last extra long. With Capricorn
condoms, wing tips, pin stripes and brief cases are optional. Be sure
to shake them out from time to time, otherwise they go stale. Capricorn
is the sign of the mountain goat. When you're horny enough to climb the
mountains of love, you want a Capricorn condom.
Aquarius
Aquarians are gregarious, yet aloof. Aquarius is a high energy sign,
and one that is usually politically correct. Aquarian condoms are just a
little bit kinky. They come colored hot pink and electric blue, and
they come with a battery pack to light up in the dark and French ticklers
for extra stimulation. With Aquarius condoms, the packaging features
political slogans such as the MiXXe Maxim, "Things can change overnight;
it depends upon how late you stay up and with whom doing what." Since
Aquarius is a social sign, Aquarian condoms come in multipacks and are
detachable to share with your friends. Aquarius is the sign of the water
bearer. When your love juices really get to flowing, you want an
Aquarius condom.
Pisces
Pisces is known for their deep feelings that somewhat border on
mysticism. Pisces are idealistic, sometimes to the point of ecstatic bliss.
Pisces condoms are truly extra sensitive and translucent. Little spikes
are optional on the inside. Pisces condoms contain special instructions
for erotic fantasy games. Pisces is the sign of the fishes. When it
smells like love and you're on a seafood diet, you want a Pisces condom.
Aries
Aries is the first sign of the zodiac. Aries are action oriented
people. Aries is symbolized by the ram, so naturally Aries condoms are made
from the finest lambskin. Because Aries often exhibits a "get up and go"
attitude, Aries condoms are steel belted, feature racing stripes, and
every fully equipped sports car dispenses them. Onyx packaging is
optional for the black sheep. Aries prides themselves on being first and
best. Aries condoms are perfect for quickies. When you want what you want
when you want it, you want an Aries condom.
Taurus
Taurus is perhaps the most sensual and economy minded of the
astrological signs. Taurus condoms are made from the most luxurious materials
with special models available in silk and velvet. Taurus condoms give you
quality at an affordable price, and they're frequently on sale.
Taurians may be slow to make their minds, but once they've made a decision,
they're almost impossible to stop. When your love is a sure thing, you
want a Taurus condom. The bull symbolizes Taurus. Taurus condoms are the
ones you want when you're really horny.
Gemini
Geminis are known for their versatility, intellect and communications
skills. Accordingly, Gemini condoms accommodate a variety of sexual
positions and combinations. Gemini condoms are sold in multipacks and come
with a
special audio chip. Naturally, they're available through mail order.
Frequently, Gemini condoms sell two for the price of one. They always
come in special pop up dispensers so that you don't have to work too hard.
Gemini is the sign of the twins and Gemini condoms come in twin packs
and are the preferred model for double headers. When you need to do it
more than once, you need Gemini condoms.
Cancer
Cancer is a water sign and as such is very much interested in safety
and tradition. Therefore, Cancer condoms are waterproof and heat treated
for hot tubs and natural springs. Cancer condoms make you feel secure.
Cancer is also
the sign of motherhood. With Cancer condoms, if you decide to become a
parent, you can always return the unused portion for a partial refund.
Cancer condoms are clingy. Never has history known a time when Cancer
condoms were not available. Fine antique specimens grace many
collections. Astrologically speaking, Cancer is associated with the breasts. The
makers of Cancer condoms are happy to sponsor the annual spring "Breast
Worship Rituals." Cancer condoms are freely dispensed to beautiful,
large breasted women. Cancer is symbolized by the crab. When you're not
getting enough love and are starting to feel crabby, reach for a Cancer
condom.
Leo
Leos are known for their passion, pride, and (pro)creative urges. Leos
tend to be a bit flashy, showy and original in and out of bed. Leo
condoms come in gold foil packaging with custom monogramming. Leo condoms
come in one size: extra, extra large. Leo is symbolized by the lion.
When you're ready to meet your mate and make wild jungle noises, you're
ready for a Leo condom.
Virgo
Virgos are fussy and particular. Virgo condoms feature perfection of
fit and they keep you neat and clean. Virgos tend to be environmentally
sound consumer types. Naturally, Virgo condoms have the lowest failure
rate, the highest performance rating and come equipped with a detailed,
all purpose instruction manual. Virgo is symbolized by the virgin. When
you're ready for some ritualized defloweration activities, you're ready
for a Virgo condom.
Libra
Libras are suave and eager to please others. Libra condoms are the
fancy European models and come in fashionable hand-painted designer
packaging. Libra condoms make for an elegant accessory on the best dates.
Libra condoms are aesthetically pleasing to both partners. They are
reversible and can turn into a diaphragm thus sharing the responsibilities.
Libra is symbolized by the scales. When sex weighs heavily on your mind,
you want a Libra condom.
Scorpio
Scorpio condoms outsell all others. That's probably because people try
to impress each other with their sexual prowess by pretending that
they're a Scorpio. The truth is that no right thinking Scorpio would get
caught dead wearing a condom. But then death doesn't scare a Scorpio. And
a Scorpio doesn't get caught. Scorpio condoms come in two editions,
basic black and the stealthy invisible model. Both leather and studs are
optional. Also, because propriety concerns Scorpio, each package of
Scorpio condoms comes with a preprinted, pre-coital agreement. Symbolized
by the venomous Scorpion, when you really want to sting your lover, you
want a Scorpio condom.
Sagittarius
Sagittarians are known for their worldly pursuits, gamesmanship,
cosmopolitan attitude and knack for doing things in a big way. Sagittarian
condoms are the sportier models. They come equipped with travel cases.
Sagittarian condoms are the ones that go with you and grow with you. They
promise a lot and they are extra thick to protect against fluids of a
dubious nature. The archer symbolizes Sagittarius. When you want to be
on target with Cupid's arrows, you want a Sagittarius condom.
Capricorn
Capricorns are known for their longevity, wisdom, practicality,
ambition and earthy sensuality. Capricorns tend to be on the conservative
side. Capricorn condoms are the most durable, having the longest shelf
life. Capricorn condoms are extra strong to last extra long. With Capricorn
condoms, wing tips, pin stripes and brief cases are optional. Be sure
to shake them out from time to time, otherwise they go stale. Capricorn
is the sign of the mountain goat. When you're horny enough to climb the
mountains of love, you want a Capricorn condom.
Aquarius
Aquarians are gregarious, yet aloof. Aquarius is a high energy sign,
and one that is usually politically correct. Aquarian condoms are just a
little bit kinky. They come colored hot pink and electric blue, and
they come with a battery pack to light up in the dark and French ticklers
for extra stimulation. With Aquarius condoms, the packaging features
political slogans such as the MiXXe Maxim, "Things can change overnight;
it depends upon how late you stay up and with whom doing what." Since
Aquarius is a social sign, Aquarian condoms come in multipacks and are
detachable to share with your friends. Aquarius is the sign of the water
bearer. When your love juices really get to flowing, you want an
Aquarius condom.
Pisces
Pisces is known for their deep feelings that somewhat border on
mysticism. Pisces are idealistic, sometimes to the point of ecstatic bliss.
Pisces condoms are truly extra sensitive and translucent. Little spikes
are optional on the inside. Pisces condoms contain special instructions
for erotic fantasy games. Pisces is the sign of the fishes. When it
smells like love and you're on a seafood diet, you want a Pisces condom.
Aries
Aries is the first sign of the zodiac. Aries are action oriented
people. Aries is symbolized by the ram, so naturally Aries condoms are made
from the finest lambskin. Because Aries often exhibits a "get up and go"
attitude, Aries condoms are steel belted, feature racing stripes, and
every fully equipped sports car dispenses them. Onyx packaging is
optional for the black sheep. Aries prides themselves on being first and
best. Aries condoms are perfect for quickies. When you want what you want
when you want it, you want an Aries condom.
Taurus
Taurus is perhaps the most sensual and economy minded of the
astrological signs. Taurus condoms are made from the most luxurious materials
with special models available in silk and velvet. Taurus condoms give you
quality at an affordable price, and they're frequently on sale.
Taurians may be slow to make their minds, but once they've made a decision,
they're almost impossible to stop. When your love is a sure thing, you
want a Taurus condom. The bull symbolizes Taurus. Taurus condoms are the
ones you want when you're really horny.
Gemini
Geminis are known for their versatility, intellect and communications
skills. Accordingly, Gemini condoms accommodate a variety of sexual
positions and combinations. Gemini condoms are sold in multipacks and come
with a
special audio chip. Naturally, they're available through mail order.
Frequently, Gemini condoms sell two for the price of one. They always
come in special pop up dispensers so that you don't have to work too hard.
Gemini is the sign of the twins and Gemini condoms come in twin packs
and are the preferred model for double headers. When you need to do it
more than once, you need Gemini condoms.
Cancer
Cancer is a water sign and as such is very much interested in safety
and tradition. Therefore, Cancer condoms are waterproof and heat treated
for hot tubs and natural springs. Cancer condoms make you feel secure.
Cancer is also
the sign of motherhood. With Cancer condoms, if you decide to become a
parent, you can always return the unused portion for a partial refund.
Cancer condoms are clingy. Never has history known a time when Cancer
condoms were not available. Fine antique specimens grace many
collections. Astrologically speaking, Cancer is associated with the breasts. The
makers of Cancer condoms are happy to sponsor the annual spring "Breast
Worship Rituals." Cancer condoms are freely dispensed to beautiful,
large breasted women. Cancer is symbolized by the crab. When you're not
getting enough love and are starting to feel crabby, reach for a Cancer
condom.
Leo
Leos are known for their passion, pride, and (pro)creative urges. Leos
tend to be a bit flashy, showy and original in and out of bed. Leo
condoms come in gold foil packaging with custom monogramming. Leo condoms
come in one size: extra, extra large. Leo is symbolized by the lion.
When you're ready to meet your mate and make wild jungle noises, you're
ready for a Leo condom.
Virgo
Virgos are fussy and particular. Virgo condoms feature perfection of
fit and they keep you neat and clean. Virgos tend to be environmentally
sound consumer types. Naturally, Virgo condoms have the lowest failure
rate, the highest performance rating and come equipped with a detailed,
all purpose instruction manual. Virgo is symbolized by the virgin. When
you're ready for some ritualized defloweration activities, you're ready
for a Virgo condom.
Libra
Libras are suave and eager to please others. Libra condoms are the
fancy European models and come in fashionable hand-painted designer
packaging. Libra condoms make for an elegant accessory on the best dates.
Libra condoms are aesthetically pleasing to both partners. They are
reversible and can turn into a diaphragm thus sharing the responsibilities.
Libra is symbolized by the scales. When sex weighs heavily on your mind,
you want a Libra condom.
