Do you let older people, like your parents, grandparents, friends, relatives influence you on how you raise your kids? My dad sometimes trys to show me what I SHOULD be doing and what I am doing wrong. He hates to see my boys walk all over me. I am more laid back and let them do more things then he thinks I should. Do you think about their advice or do you just blow it off and do what you do?
To those of you who have kids
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GraceAbounds
Well-Known Member
I value the advice of my parents and of my friends that are older than me. They are people that I love and admire and look up to. They have years of life experience on me and even though I may not always understand their reasoning, I know that as I get older I will because that is how it has always worked out.
Another thing is, I want my kids to value my advice, so I model it by showing them that I value my parent's advice.
I may not always agree with my parents or older mentors, but I always do my very best to give the love and respect they deserve. Sometimes it is just a lesson for me in shutting my mouth and learning when to speak and when not to, which also sets a good example to my kids. Other times, it is a lesson in self control and tolerance on my part.
And yes there are those times it has gotten under my skin because I disagree'd, but years later I look back at those times and now realize that once again they were right. LOL!
Another thing is, I want my kids to value my advice, so I model it by showing them that I value my parent's advice.
I may not always agree with my parents or older mentors, but I always do my very best to give the love and respect they deserve. Sometimes it is just a lesson for me in shutting my mouth and learning when to speak and when not to, which also sets a good example to my kids. Other times, it is a lesson in self control and tolerance on my part.
And yes there are those times it has gotten under my skin because I disagree'd, but years later I look back at those times and now realize that once again they were right. LOL!
depends on the advice really. I have had trouble with my bfs mom about her saying dont pick her up shes nt crying (when we are over her house and shes in the playpen) It got to a point where I turned around and finally told her after the 5th time of it happening...I dont have to wait till shes crying to pick her up. When i want to hold her im going to.
Ive also ran into problems with my sister...saying you need to leave her alone sometimes (cause at my moms house i dont like to leave her on the ground too much cause of cat hair) And my sister has also fed her without asking me first (mashed potatoes) I kinda flipped on my sister for that...her response was Im a mom too so I know its safe...shes old enough...that pissed me off...I dont care if shes a mom too or that shes the aunt...she still needs to ask me first...i do with my niece whos only a year old. I hate when people try to feed her something for the first time without asking me...it pisses me off...it happened 2x before too...once with a cousin feeding her cheesecake frosting...when the baby was only 5 months old...and once with my uncle who fed her chocolate sauce from on top of brownies. I flipped on both of them too.
I have learned in a short time that no matter how cowed they can make me feel sometimes...I am her mom and I know what i think is best...and damnit if i let them cow me on her im shit out of luck later on. I will not let anyone walk on me for how i raise my daughter. No mother should.
although if they have good advice...i will take what they say and use it how i see fit.
Ive also ran into problems with my sister...saying you need to leave her alone sometimes (cause at my moms house i dont like to leave her on the ground too much cause of cat hair) And my sister has also fed her without asking me first (mashed potatoes) I kinda flipped on my sister for that...her response was Im a mom too so I know its safe...shes old enough...that pissed me off...I dont care if shes a mom too or that shes the aunt...she still needs to ask me first...i do with my niece whos only a year old. I hate when people try to feed her something for the first time without asking me...it pisses me off...it happened 2x before too...once with a cousin feeding her cheesecake frosting...when the baby was only 5 months old...and once with my uncle who fed her chocolate sauce from on top of brownies. I flipped on both of them too.
I have learned in a short time that no matter how cowed they can make me feel sometimes...I am her mom and I know what i think is best...and damnit if i let them cow me on her im shit out of luck later on. I will not let anyone walk on me for how i raise my daughter. No mother should.
although if they have good advice...i will take what they say and use it how i see fit.
Thanks. I value my parents opinions too. But sometimes I wonder if they are just from an older generation and things around us has changed, and they cant understand that. I honestly like who I am, and the how I have grown up... so evidentally they did something right 
I do listen to their advice a lot...but sometimes Im just like ...ugh, I wish they would just see that they are kids and they are going to do certain things.
Johns parents live in TX and one time we were visiting them. (Mind you this is only the 2nd time they saw my boys or me). And the whole time we were there she was trying to discipline them. Then as we left to go home she slipped us a note on how wrong our parenting skills are. :mad It upset me so much. I take that very seriously...and it bothers me to no end when someone tells me that I am doing a bad job as a mom.
I do listen to their advice a lot...but sometimes Im just like ...ugh, I wish they would just see that they are kids and they are going to do certain things. Johns parents live in TX and one time we were visiting them. (Mind you this is only the 2nd time they saw my boys or me). And the whole time we were there she was trying to discipline them. Then as we left to go home she slipped us a note on how wrong our parenting skills are. :mad It upset me so much. I take that very seriously...and it bothers me to no end when someone tells me that I am doing a bad job as a mom.
GuesSAngel
Well-Known Member
Being a mom in training my parents influenced me in my life to know how I would like to raise my baby. But I think there is also a difference on them telling me how I should raise my baby. My husband and I will raise our baby the way we see fit, which are the rules that they would follow.
My sister is also a great influence on me...I see the things that she's doing and know that I should be doing the complete opposite.
But even when I have the baby, I'm sure I'll be calling my mom for some advice and taking it in.
My sister is also a great influence on me...I see the things that she's doing and know that I should be doing the complete opposite.
But even when I have the baby, I'm sure I'll be calling my mom for some advice and taking it in.
dont listen to anyone ever who tells you you are a bad parent...just because you dont do things the way they want you too suzie. Not ever! My mom gives me advice too and i listen sometimes but will tell her flat out when i dont agree and will not argue with her any further on it even if she tries.
You are their mom...only you know whats best...and if they dont like it...tough for them. Dont ever let them make you feel like you arent a great mother.
I let Bos mom make me feel like that until I finally said that to her one day (with the i dont have to wait till shes crying to hold her) she hasnt stepped on my toes since then and she knows now she can give advice but she damn well better back off if i dont agree. Just keep standing your ground and dont let her pettiness get to you. How dare she tell you you have bad parenting skills. ARGH!! that pisses me off *hugs* im sorry hun
You are their mom...only you know whats best...and if they dont like it...tough for them. Dont ever let them make you feel like you arent a great mother.
I let Bos mom make me feel like that until I finally said that to her one day (with the i dont have to wait till shes crying to hold her) she hasnt stepped on my toes since then and she knows now she can give advice but she damn well better back off if i dont agree. Just keep standing your ground and dont let her pettiness get to you. How dare she tell you you have bad parenting skills. ARGH!! that pisses me off *hugs* im sorry hun
GraceAbounds
Well-Known Member
Oh Suzie I'm sorry to hear that. Ouch.
I can see it would definitely depend on the relationships. I read what Kat wrote and think, oh my goodness. My family always asks can the kids have this or are they allergic to that. I've not had to deal with that sort of thing. And my parents always tell us how good our kids are and what a great job we are doing. I can't imagine getting a 'note' from my parents or my parent in laws telling me about how bad a job I am doing.
I know that with my first child my mother in law thought I was too strict and she was right to a degree, but we talked about it respectfully and I took some of her advice and it worked well. She now says that she is glad that I am more strict with her grandkids than her other two kids are, as my children are well behaved and her other grandkids are wild (her words, not mine).
Again, I'm sorry you got that note. How does your husband feel about it?
I can see it would definitely depend on the relationships. I read what Kat wrote and think, oh my goodness. My family always asks can the kids have this or are they allergic to that. I've not had to deal with that sort of thing. And my parents always tell us how good our kids are and what a great job we are doing. I can't imagine getting a 'note' from my parents or my parent in laws telling me about how bad a job I am doing.
I know that with my first child my mother in law thought I was too strict and she was right to a degree, but we talked about it respectfully and I took some of her advice and it worked well. She now says that she is glad that I am more strict with her grandkids than her other two kids are, as my children are well behaved and her other grandkids are wild (her words, not mine).
Again, I'm sorry you got that note. How does your husband feel about it?
Aww thanks girls! This was a long time ago... I am over it now...well the part about her slipping me that note. John was pissed about it too. Then she had the nerve to call us as we were in the car heading back to NJ asking how does she operate the vcr! ARG! But yeah, I never did get along with her. She has never came to visit us ONCE...not even once since John has lived with me. For 9 years now. We visited them 2 times maybe 3 i cant remember. But I just cant do it after that last one. I discipline my kids when I have to. I dont let them get away with murder. But she was bitching cuz they were zooming their little matchbox cars on her carpet and shit. And her parenting skills sucked IMO. I could get into all the shit she did when John was younger that is illegal now. I so wish it could be different between us... but I cant force her to get to know me or my boys. So I guess shes going to miss out. Thanks so much guys... your sweethearts! I tryed to rep you both but I have to spread some around first
GraceAbounds
Well-Known Member
Ah, I see now. His parents have no real 'loving type of relationship' with you where 'trust and respect and etc. reside', but they took it upon themselves to start telling you how to behave, rear your children, etc. That was not a very wise decision on their part and a horrible way to start out a relationship. Sad. And sorry to hear you had to endure that.
In cases like that, family, no family, strangers, etc. I take what is said with a grain of salt. Unless I know someone's character, or have a 'love/trust' relationship with them, I question motive. I have to know I am being constructively criticized out of love, true concern, etc. That is just the wise thing to do according to what I believe. My spirituality comes into play too as I do not take advice that goes against God's Word, to the best of my knowledge of course.
In cases like that, family, no family, strangers, etc. I take what is said with a grain of salt. Unless I know someone's character, or have a 'love/trust' relationship with them, I question motive. I have to know I am being constructively criticized out of love, true concern, etc. That is just the wise thing to do according to what I believe. My spirituality comes into play too as I do not take advice that goes against God's Word, to the best of my knowledge of course.
My mum never offered any advice to me when I had my daughter. Her reason was that she'd 'forgotten everything', and being from a very small family (just mum and stepfather) noone 'interferes' with the way I'm raising her. That would bug the hell out of me I think.
sundvlfn88
Banned
My parents have been a great help in raising my son, but they do let me experience what I did to them when I was a child. They kind of sit back and snicker at the stuff he does as I guess I used to do the same thing when I was about his age.
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