Those Who Complain About Their Problems, But Do Little About It

[MainerMikeBrown]

We all know someone who tells you about their problems and at the same time will do nothing to help themselves. Maybe that person is you.

It's normal for someone to express to others their issues and do little about it from time to time. But when someone does this more than on occasion, that's a problem. It's an unfair position for a do-nothing type to put the rest of us in.

The other point that must be made is that if a person do little to help yourself, especially over the long-term, than that's a serious psychological issue that a friend can't help them with. People like that need professional help.

So for those who only complain, do what you can to straighten out your life if you expect others to hear about it. And if you're not willing to take control over your issues, then you have to acknowledge that and stop expressing your problems until you are willing to work on your issues.

 

[Panacea]

It's taxing, no doubt, but sometimes these people really are suffering from clinical depression and do not know/wish to harm the people they lean on. I am certainly one of them. It's incredibly difficult for me to be quiet when I go into a depressive episode, but I've gotten a lot better about realizing no one can help me and it's wrong to ask them to try.

The important thing it to be honest with these people, I think. When you notice your 'advice' is not leading to change, and it becomes really bad, it's best to say "I want to help you, and I want to be here for you, but it's hard for me to listen when nothing changes. I won't be talking about these issues with you anymore". Might be hard, and they may not take it well, but if someone's gut spilling is too much, it's best to set a boundary.

 

[hart]

Panacea, you have never been a over whiner or complainer here so I just don't believe you over-complain in real-time either.

I used to volunteer for years at a Crisis Center and I would have recognized the signs. But your advice is wise.

 

[darkcgi]

sometimes people think that because you complain that your not doing anything about it
sometimes its true sometimes its not

 

[darkcgi]

somebody call the wambulance
the is the place to let off some steam so let people let go on here with out someone saying
that they are being annoying winny butts

 

[Panacea]

Panacea, you have never been a over whiner or complainer here so I just don't believe you over-complain in real-time either.

I used to volunteer for years at a Crisis Center and I would have recognized the signs. But your advice is wise.

Thanks, Hart. I've been on other forums and found myself really bad about seeking constant advice and support knowing I wasn't ready to change/couldn't control the situation anyway. It just comes as a result of feeling really helpless and frustrated, just desperate for "help". I've learned a lot though, and doing that doesn't help at all.

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

People don't have much patience with those who tell them about their issues but do nothing to help themselves, and with good reason.

 

[AUDRAA]

thats because its far easier to complain about things, or just ignore them than it is to actually make and take the effort to make things better if there is a problem. Some things take work and sometimes alot of it isnt so pleasant if you have to actually recognize things about yourself or your actions that might not be so peachy or maybe even painful.

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

Someone who is so depressed that they don't feel like helping themselves must realize that it's up to you to get the assistance of others.

But the key word is 'assistance.' Shrinks and loved ones can only do so much, and will be less likely to help you if you won't help yourself.

Depressed people not helping themselves, to a point, is normal. And I understand that and don't blame them. However, some people with problems will do nothing to improve their lives for years and years. Those are the people I'm complaining about.

If your not happy then do something about it! There's no point in doing nothing and remaining unwell!

 

[Panacea]

In the end, MMB, the only person you can control is yourself. There are all sorts of people living all sorts of ways we may not understand or agree with, but with the exception of criminals we kinda have no choice but to remove ourselves from the situation or those people's lives if it becomes too difficult or annoying for us to deal with.

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

Some people who don't believe they should tell you about their problems if they have no intention of helping themselves do so anyway. Why? Because they rationalize that they are going to help themselves soon. But they never actually do. Yet we have to hear about it.

That's not to say that all folks who tell you their problems are doing nothing to help themselves out. There are those who really are doing their best. But some people who do only a little admit they're not doing enough. And then their are others who won't even admit that they're not doing a thing to try to straighten out there lives.

Talk about being in denial at our expense.

 

[Dana]

It's not all black & white. There is a grey area. Just because people bitch about the situation they are in and in the end don't really do anything about it doesn't necessarily mean they did not have intentions. Life hands you some bullshit circumstances and the conscience and subconscious can affect your outcomes in a tough situation. I guess the bottom line is it is easier for an outsider not experiencing others emotions or struggles to cope to say that they are in a state of laziness to do anything about it. It's always easy to criticize but until you walk in ones shoes you never truly understand them.

 

[skyblue]

It's not all black & white. There is a grey area. Just because people bitch about the situation they are in and in the end don't really do anything about it doesn't necessarily mean they did not have intentions. Life hands you some bullshit circumstances and the conscience and subconscious can affect your outcomes in a tough situation. I guess the bottom line is it is easier for an outsider not experiencing others emotions or struggles to cope to say that they are in a state of laziness to do anything about it. It's always easy to criticize but until you walk in ones shoes you never truly understand them.

yep:clap

 

[Zorak]

Some people want advice and others just like getting things off their chest.

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

The worst is when someone you just met five minutes ago starts complaining about their personal problems with you.

It's different if the reason you met the person is to help him or her with their issues. Otherwise, it's not classy for a person to unload their problems on you when they hardly know you!

 

[redliner]

It's not all black & white. There is a grey area. Just because people bitch about the situation they are in and in the end don't really do anything about it doesn't necessarily mean they did not have intentions. Life hands you some bullshit circumstances and the conscience and subconscious can affect your outcomes in a tough situation. I guess the bottom line is it is easier for an outsider not experiencing others emotions or struggles to cope to say that they are in a state of laziness to do anything about it. It's always easy to criticize but until you walk in ones shoes you never truly understand them.

You can't make gold from a bucket of dog shit. Good point.

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

You can't change people. You can only change how you deal with them.

So if you have a friend who tells you about his/her problems but won't do anything about it, don't expect yourself to be the person who kicks them in the butt and gets them to start doing what they can. It's up to other people who have problems to motivate themselves to help themselves.

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

If you and a friend agree to talk about your issues with each other, great. But if the friend starts telling you about their problems but elects not to do anything about it, they need to be told that they must do what they can to help themselves or they will not be allowed to tell you about their issues.