That's Insulting!

[BigSkippy]

A brain like a BB in a boxcar.
A couple of bricks short of a hod.
A couple of knights short of a Crusade.
A couple of togas short of an orgy.
A couple of volts below threshold.
A couplet short of a sonnet.
A day late and a dollar short.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
A few birds shy of a flock.
A few bits short of a byte.
A few bits shy of a word.
A few bricks shy of a load.
A few cans short of a six pack, six short.
A few clowns short of a circus.
A few clues shy of a solution.
A few ears short of a bushel.
A few eggs short of a dozen.
A few feet short of the runway.
A few fish short of a string.
A few guppies short of an aquarium.
A few inches short of a foot / yard.
A few kernels short of an ear.
A few lanes short of a highway.
A few lines short of a program.
A few links shy of a chain.
A few open splices.
A few peas short of a pod / casserole.
A few pickles short of a jar.
A few pixels short of an image.
A few puppies short of a pet shop.
A few rungs short of a ladder.
A few sandwiches short of a picnic.
A few screams short of an orgasm.
A few screws loose.
A few snowballs short of an avalanche.
A few spoons short of a full set.
A few straws shy of a bale.
A few tacos short of a fiesta platter.
A few tiles missing from his Space Shuttle.
A few tomatoes short of a thick sauce.
A few yards short of the hole.
A flower short of an arrangement.
A goose short of a gaggle.
A hamburger short of a Happy Meal.
A pane short of a window.
A pickle short of a barrel.
A room temperature IQ.
A strawberry short of a quart.
A teabag short of a pot.
A victim of retroactive birth control.
A violin minus the bow.
A walking argument for birth control.
A wind-up clock without a key.
About a half a bubble off plumb.
About as sharp as a sack a bowling ball .
About as smart as bait.
All booster - no payload.
All booster and no shuttle.
All crown - no filling.
All foam. no beer.
All hammer, no nail.
All his eggs in the same basket.
All his marbles in one bag.
All lime and salt, no tequila.
All missile, no warhead.
All plow and no tractor.
All wax and no wick.
Almost as smart as a finch.
Always in the right place, but at the wrong time.
Always sharpening his sleeping skills.
An early example of the Peter Principle.
An ego like a black hole.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
An inch short and a stroke early.
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
Answers the door when the phone rings.
Antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
Any slower and he'd be in reverse. -- Gignac
As thick as two short planks.
Attention span of an overripe grapefruit.
Attic's a little dusty.
Back burners not fully operating.
Bats have flown the belfry, and now he's all alone.
Bats in the belfry.
Batteries not included.
Been playing in the pharmacy section again.
Been playing with his wand too much.
Been short on oxygen one time too many.
Blender doesn't go past "mix".
Blocked one too many hockey pucks / soccer balls / punches.
Body by Fisher - Brains by Mattel.
Born a day late and like that ever since.
Born during low tide in the gene pool.
Brain on cruise control.
Brains of a house plant.
Bright as Alaska in December.
Broadcasts static.
Caboose seems to be pulling the engine.
Cackles a lot, but I ain't seen no eggs yet.
Can be outwitted by a jar of Marshmallow Fluff.
Can carry on conversations with bushes.
Can easily be confused with facts.
Car's only got three wheels, and one's going flat.
Cheezwiz for brains.
Cheats when filling out opinion polls.
Chimney's clogged.
Clutch is slipping.
Could get lost in a broom closet.
Couldn't hit sand if he fell off a camel.
Couldn't pick the winner of a one-horse race.
Crazy as all get out / a loon.
Cursor's flashing but there's no response.
Deaf, dumb, and blonde.
Deck has no face cards.
Diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Dialing thumb must be broken.
Dock doesn't quite reach the water.
Does aerobics... in his head.
Doesn’t have all nine players on the diamond.
Doesn't have all his dogs barking.
Doesn't have all of his groceries in the same bag.
Doesn't have all the dots on his dice.
Doesn't have both oars in the water.
Doesn't have elastic in both of his socks.
Doesn't have his belt through all the loops.
Doesn't know if he's afoot or on horseback.
Driving with two wheels in the sand.
Dumber than owl droppings.
Eating with only one chopstick.
Echoes between the ears.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Elevator doesn't make it to the penthouse.
Elevator doesn't stop at every floor.
Elevator is stuck between floors.
Encyclopaedia’s missing some volumes.
Engine is running, but no one is behind the wheel.
Evidence for the theory of a missing link.
Flying / landing on one engine.
Forgot to pay his brain bill.
Found his marbles, but is playing jacks with them.
Full throttle, dry tank.
Gasoline engine, diesel fuel.
Gavel doesn't quite hit the bench.
Gets her mail at an unknown zip code.
Gets his orders from another planet.
Goalie for the dart team.
God might still use him for miracle practice.
God's favorite target for lightning strikes.
Got a dozen eggs but some are cracked.
Got a life, but wasn't sure what to do with it.
Half a brick short of a full load.
Half a quart low.
Hard to distinguish from the tail end of a horse.
Has a leak in his ceiling.
Has a pulse, but that's about all.
Has all the brains God gave a duck's ass.
Has the brains of a dog’s ass.
Has the intellectual capacity of an Allen wrench.
Has the memory of a goldfish.
Hasn't enough sense to pound salt into a rat hole.
Hasn't got all his china in the cupboard.
Hasn't got the brains God gave a cat.
Having a party in his head, but no one else is invited.
Head whistles in a cross wind.
Hears everything that a dog can.
His drill doesn't have a full set of bits.
If there were a merciful God he'd be dead by now.
Immune to caffeine and all other stimulants.
Impervious to brain damage.
In the shopping mall of the mind, he's in the toy department.
Infinite space between her ears.
Informationally deprived.
Inspired the slogan, "A mind is a terrible thing to waste."
Intellectually challenged.
Knitting with only one needle.
Knows Atlanta like the back of her hand, but she’s in Chicago.
Lamborghini chassis, moped engine.
Left the store without all of his groceries.
Light not burning too bright.
Lightbulb over his head is burned out.
Lights are on but nobody's home.
Like a one-armed man climbing a rope.
Little red choo-choo done jumped the track.
Lives in the same world, but a different universe.
Living proof of evolution.
Long on dry wall, short on studs.
Looking for a nickel in the corner of a circular room.
Loony as a jay bird.
Lost his trolleys.
Low on thinking gas.
Marching to a different kettle of fish.
Mental agility of a soap dish.
Mentally qualified for handicapped parking.
Mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence.
Mind is on vacation but his mouth is working overtime.
Mind like a steel trap -- full of mice.
Mind like a steel trap -- rusty and stuck closed.
Mind like a steel trap -- things wander in and get mangled.
Mind wandered and never came back.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
Missing a few catalog cards / gears / marbles.
Missing a layer of insulation in his attic.
Missing all of the face cards.
Mouth is in gear, brain is in neutral.
Moves his lips to pretend he's reading.
Needs another brain to make half-wit.
Needs both hands to wipe his behind.
No coins in the old fountain.
No filter in the coffee maker.
No grain in the silo.
No hands on the rudder / yoke.
No hay in the loft.
No one at the throttle.
No wind in her mind's windmills.
Not digging in the same ditch with the rest of us!
Not done evolving yet.
Not enough brain cells for the Prozac to be effective.
Not enough brains to get anywhere near the gutter.
Not enough sense to come in out of the rain.
Not firing on all four / six / eight cylinders.
Not firing on all thrusters.
Not much to show for four billion years of evolution.
Not only rude, but ugly too.
Not quite human any longer.
Not running on full thrusters.
Not the brightest light on the Christmas tree.
Not the fastest car in the lot.
Not the quickest bunny in the forest.
Not the same since they took him off his medication.
Not the sharpest crayon in the box.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Not too tightly wrapped.
Nothing between the stethoscopes.
Nutty as a fruitcake.
Off his rocker.
Oil doesn't reach his dipstick

 

[BigSkippy]

On permanent leave of absence from his senses.
On the batting end of a no-hitter.
One banana short of a fruit-salad.
One board short of a porch.
One boot stuck in the sand.
One brick shy of a load.
One drop short of an empty bladder.
One fang short of a vampire.
One Froot Loop shy of a full bowl.
One fruit short of a basket.
One horseman short of an apocalypse.
One hot pepper short of an enchilada.
One sentence short of a paragraph.
One shingle shy a roof.
One ship short of a full fleet.
One snowflake short of a ski slope.
One song short of a musical.
One step short of the attic.
One tree short of a hammock.
Only got one oar in the water.
Only hitting on 7 cylinders.
Only operating at about half a watt.
Only playing with 51 cards.
Only playing with the jokers.
Ought to have a warning label on his forehead.
Out in left field with a catcher's mitt on.
Outlet isn't grounded.
Over the rainbow.
Overdue for reincarnation.
Paddling with one oar.
Paged-out.
Paralyzed from the neck up.
Parked his head and forgot where he left it.
Pedaling real fast, but not getting anywhere.
People around her are at risk of second hand idiocy.
Perfect face for Halloween.
Permanetly out to lunch.
Personality of a snail on Valium.
Playing baseball with a rubber bat.
Playing hockey with a warped puck.
Plays solitaire... for cash.
Porch light is on, but there's nobody home.
Proof God has a sense of humor.
Puzzle is missing a few pieces.
Quick as a corpse.
Reading off an empty disk.
Receiver is off the hook.
Renewable energy source for hot air balloons.
Reset line is glitching.
Result of a first cousin marriage.
Riding a tippy canoe.
Room for rent, unfurnished.
Room temperature IQ.
Room temperature IQ - in Centigrade.
Running on empty.
Runs squares around the competition.
Rusty springs in the mousetrap.
Sailboat fuel for brains.
Several nuts over fruitcake minimum.
Several nuts short of a full pouch.
She only packed half a sandwich.
Short a few cards.
Should be the poster child for family planning.
Should have kept his helmet on while riding / playing.
Signs on both ears saying 'Space for Rent.'
Sitting in the right pew, but the wrong church.
Six bricks short of a full load.

 

[BigSkippy]

Six shy of a dozen.
Skating on the wrong side of the ice.
Skylight leaks a little.
Slept too close to his radium-dial watch.
Slinky's kinked.
Sloppy as a soup sandwich.
Slow as molasses in January.
Slow out of the gate.
Smart as a politician / lawyer is honest.
Smart as bait.
Smarter than the average bear.
So boring, his dreams have Muzak.
So dim, his psychic carries a flashlight.
So dumb, blondes tell jokes about him.
So dumb, he faxes face up.
So dumb, his dog teaches him tricks.
So slow, he has to speed up to stop.
So stupid, mind readers charge her half price.
Soft as baby shit.
Soft as silly putty.
A guy with your IQ should have a low voice too!
A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.
A sharp tongue is no indication of a keen mind.
After meeting you, I've decided I am in favor of abortion in cases of incest.
And there he was: reigning supreme at number two.
Any friend of yours ... is a friend of yours.
Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!
Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.
Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?
Are you brain-dead?
Are your parents siblings?
As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
As useless as rubber lips on a woodpecker. ~ Earl Pitts ~
Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up.
Better at sex than anyone, now all he needs is a partner.
Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case they're nothing!
Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.
Can I borrow your face for a few days while my ass is on vacation?
Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head!
Converse with any plankton lately?
Diarrhea of the mouth; constipation of the ideas.
Did the mental hospital test too many drugs on you today?
Did you eat paint chips when you were a kid?
Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
Did your parents have any children that lived?
Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?
Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea.
Do you want do die stupid?
Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!
Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?
Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.
Don't mind him. He has a soft heart and a head to match.
Don't thank me for insulting you. It was my pleasure.
Don't think, it may sprain your brain!
Don't you have a terribly empty feeling ---- in your skull?
Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?
Don't you need a license to be that ugly?
Ever since I saw you in your family tree I've wanted to cut it down.
Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege.
Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.
Excellent time to become a missing person.
Fat? You're not fat, you're just ... fat.
For two cents I'd give you a piece of my mind - and all of yours.
Forgot to pay his brain bill.
Go fart peas at the moon !!
Grasp your ears firmly and remove your head from your ass.
Has reached rock bottom and shows signs of starting to dig.
Has the IQ of lit.
He can open his mail with that nose!
He can think without moving his lips!
He comes from a long line of real estate people -- they're a vacant lot.
He does the work of three men: Moe, Larry, and Curly.
He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this morning.
He has a mind like a steel trap -- always closed!
He has more faces than Mount Rushmore.
He has one brain cell, and it is fighting for dominance.
He is always lost in thought -- it's unfamiliar territory.
He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome.
He is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
He is living proof that man can live without a brain!
He is so conceited his eyes behold each other perfectly.
He is so short his hair smell like feet
He is so short, when it rains he is always the last one to know.
He is so old that his blood type was discontinued. ~ Bill Dana ~
He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.
cold, hard, cracked, and only gets plowed around the holidays.
He smells the coffee, but can't find the pot / a cup.
He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
He'd steal the straw from his mother's kennel.
Hello - tall, dark and obnoxious!
He's got that far away look. The farther he gets, the better he looks.
He's just visiting this planet.
He's so dense that light bends around him.
He's so fat, he has the only car in town with stretch marks.
He's so short he can sit on a piece of toilet paper and dangle his feet.
He's the first in his family born without a tail.
He's the only man who, if told to screw himself, could do it.
He's the reason brothers and sisters shouldn't marry.
Hey, act your age -- senile!
Hey, I remember you when you had only one stomach.
Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?
His brain waves fall a little short of the beach.
His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
His origins are so low, you'd have to limbo under his family tree.
His personality's split so many ways he goes alone for group therapy.
His suitcase doesn't have a handle.
How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
How many years did it take you to learn how to breathe?
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
I bet your mother has a loud bark!
I can tell you are lying. Your lips are moving.
I can't seem to remember you name, and please don't help me!
I can't talk to you right now; tell me, where will you be in ten years?
I certainly hope you are sterile.
I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
I don't want you to turn the other cheek. It's just as ugly.
I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.
I hear what you're saying but I just don't care.
I hear you are an officer. Your rank is - just plain rank!
I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper?
I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?
I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late!
I heard that your brother was an only child.
I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!
I know you are nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt you.
I know you're a self-made man. It's nice of you to take the blame!
I know you're not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!
I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you.
I like your approach, now let's see your departure.
I reprimanded my son for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.
I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.
I understand you, but thousands wouldn't!
I want nothing out of you but breathing, and very little of that!
I will defend to your death my right to my opinion.
I wonder how many angels could dance on his head?
I worship the ground that awaits you.
I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.
I wouldn't piss in his ear if his brain was on fire!
I'd hate to see you go, but I'd love to watch you leave!
I'd like to give you a going-away present ... but you have to do your part.
I'd like to have the spitting concession his grave.
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
I'd rather pass a kidney stone than another night with you.
I'd slap you senseless ... but I can't spare three seconds!
If brains were rain, you`d be a desert.
If I had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents!
If I promise to miss you, will you go away?
If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, I'm glad.
If I want any shit outta you I'll squeeze your head.
If I want your stupid opinion, I'll beat it out of you.
If I wanted to hear from an ass, I'd fart.
If I were as ugly as you are, I wouldn't say hello, I'd say boo!
If idiots could fly, this would be an airport.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
If manure were music, you'd be a brass band.
If sex were fast food, you'd have an arch over your head.
If she was cast as Lady Godiva the horse would steal the show.
If truth is stranger than fiction, you must be truth!
If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's practically invulnerable.
If you act like an ass, don't get insulted if people ride you.
If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself!
If you ever tax your brain, don't charge more than a penny.
If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you get change back.

 

[BigSkippy]

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
If you were a body of water, you'd be a kiddie pool.
If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid.
If your brain were chocolate, it wouldn't fill an M&M.
Ignorance can be cured. Stupid is forever.
I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.
I'm blonde, what's your excuse?
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away.
I'm not as dumb as you look.
In the land of the witless, the half-wit is king.
Instead of being born again, why don't you just grow up?
Is that your nose or are you eating a banana?
It is mind over matter. I don't mind, because you don't matter.
It is such a shame to ruin such beautiful blonde hair by dying your roots black.

 

[Haus]

i always got told im not the brightest crayon in the box or not the sharpest tool in the shed.


damn 7th grade english teacher

 

[Duffus]

i always got told im not the brightest crayon in the box or not the sharpest tool in the shed.


damn 7th grade english teacher

Your funny!