random thinking

[Kat]

I was thinking today a bit...how far do people really come from school stuff.

In school i was always a loner in a way...timid to say things on my mind....not sure about friends. The few friends I did have...usually turned out to be the popular kids...So when they wanted to be real...they couldnt. They were worried about how others perceive them. One of my best friends had her first kiss with someone she didnt even really like...i told her to do what she wanted to not listen to them...her other popular friends told her she was chicken if she didnt right after that she turned and called me an idiot for what i had said....she did in the end (kiss the kid)...cause she wanted to belong with them.

I have noticed no matter where you go...there are always cliques...always some main dominate group. And even if for a time you fit in there...one mistake...one wrong move changes everything. maybe some people are just paranoid about their worth...where they stand. Some people would just rather not give a fuck. Or some people think they are gods gift to the world


But what is it? When someone seems worthless...theres sometimes no room to change their opinion of you. You arent worth the time and effort. Or if you dont say the right things to fit in...you are always left feeling as if youre standing alone in a crowd.

But who decides whos worthless? And if you dont agree with them you are considered a fool. Well heres my stand on it. I have been there....needed someone...anyone to help. And though i was at my worst and seemed to not listen to advice...and sat there and complained. Deep down I heard it...I heard what was being said. And just the simple fact that someone was there no matter how many times i moaned or groaned and complained...people still took the time out to listen to offer real advice without judging. Made a world of difference to me. Probably saved my life even.

So how can I not do the same? You hear about bad things that happen when someone tries to help someone...what about the good? thats not stressed enough. Try crying to someone on the phone one night...someone youve never met...never talked to before....but they are there they listen...and they save your life...just by sparing a moment.

I did that one night a few years back...sitting outside blade in my hand. Feeling worthless...everyone had given up on me including myself. I dialed 211 (which is the info line here) Blubbering like an idiot to the woman who answered...i was in hysterics...ready to just quit. Did she call the cops on me and have them pick me up...no....She talked to me for over 2 hours....listening when i talked too and giving me a helping hand. What would i have done if she had decided i wasnt worth the time or effort. What would I have done if she just didnt have the patience with me. wind up in a psych ward again....for the 20th time...where theyd talk to me a bit then send me on my way saying i should seek help but i didnt belong there cause i wasnt crazy. then wind up back in the same position again probably...maybe this time not calling anyone.

I hate to think about that.


So I have to be there...I have to try even if it is futile to help people....but i will not be the one to say you arent worth my time or effort...I will not be the one to judge whether my words are being heeded. I can never know if they are or arent...but even if some small words slip through after repeated times....it would all be worth it in the end...maybe even if not worth it to me...worth it to whoever it means something to. Besides life is long enough...I have plenty of moments to spare... a blink and then theyre gone.

And fyi this is not directed to anyone here....not solely about whats been going on here lately. If you take offense at anything i said...feel free to pm me. But some things in my life the past few days (and on here too) have just had me thinking....even if this doesnt make sense to anyone....lit section i made use of it

 

[Thebest]

Yeah... I missed the good ol' days in Kindergarten when everyone got on with everyone, and the worst argument happened over who got to play with some toy. Sometimes just thinking about it makes me want to go back to that time.

 

[Kat]

lol yeah me too...shoot i remember my first day of kindergarten...when i got in the room i immediately went and hid under a desk... when out of nowhere someone peeked under it then took me by the hand and told me...c'mon you can play with me ...she wound up being one of my closest friends throughout elamentry school its funny now to think of

 

[Mrs Behavin]

So I have to be there...I have to try even if it is futile to help people....but i will not be the one to say you arent worth my time or effort...I will not be the one to judge whether my words are being heeded. I can never know if they are or arent...but even if some small words slip through after repeated times....it would all be worth it in the end...maybe even if not worth it to me...worth it to whoever it means something to. Besides life is long enough...I have plenty of moments to spare... a blink and then theyre gone.

Good stuff you wrote there. You are so much better with words than I am. But I agree 100% with this paragraph I just quoted.

 

[Kat]

thanks amy its not written the way i would have liked to but the best i could do

 

[GraceAbounds]

I was thinking today a bit...how far do people really come from school stuff.

In school i was always a loner in a way...timid to say things on my mind....not sure about friends. The few friends I did have...usually turned out to be the popular kids...So when they wanted to be real...they couldnt. They were worried about how others perceive them. One of my best friends had her first kiss with someone she didnt even really like...i told her to do what she wanted to not listen to them...her other popular friends told her she was chicken if she didnt right after that she turned and called me an idiot for what i had said....she did in the end (kiss the kid)...cause she wanted to belong with them.

I have noticed no matter where you go...there are always cliques...always some main dominate group. And even if for a time you fit in there...one mistake...one wrong move changes everything. maybe some people are just paranoid about their worth...where they stand. Some people would just rather not give a fuck. Or some people think they are gods gift to the world


But what is it? When someone seems worthless...theres sometimes no room to change their opinion of you. You arent worth the time and effort. Or if you dont say the right things to fit in...you are always left feeling as if youre standing alone in a crowd.

But who decides whos worthless? And if you dont agree with them you are considered a fool. Well heres my stand on it. I have been there....needed someone...anyone to help. And though i was at my worst and seemed to not listen to advice...and sat there and complained. Deep down I heard it...I heard what was being said. And just the simple fact that someone was there no matter how many times i moaned or groaned and complained...people still took the time out to listen to offer real advice without judging. Made a world of difference to me. Probably saved my life even.

So how can I not do the same? You hear about bad things that happen when someone tries to help someone...what about the good? thats not stressed enough. Try crying to someone on the phone one night...someone youve never met...never talked to before....but they are there they listen...and they save your life...just by sparing a moment.

I did that one night a few years back...sitting outside blade in my hand. Feeling worthless...everyone had given up on me including myself. I dialed 211 (which is the info line here) Blubbering like an idiot to the woman who answered...i was in hysterics...ready to just quit. Did she call the cops on me and have them pick me up...no....She talked to me for over 2 hours....listening when i talked too and giving me a helping hand. What would i have done if she had decided i wasnt worth the time or effort. What would I have done if she just didnt have the patience with me. wind up in a psych ward again....for the 20th time...where theyd talk to me a bit then send me on my way saying i should seek help but i didnt belong there cause i wasnt crazy. then wind up back in the same position again probably...maybe this time not calling anyone.

I hate to think about that.


So I have to be there...I have to try even if it is futile to help people....but i will not be the one to say you arent worth my time or effort...I will not be the one to judge whether my words are being heeded. I can never know if they are or arent...but even if some small words slip through after repeated times....it would all be worth it in the end...maybe even if not worth it to me...worth it to whoever it means something to. Besides life is long enough...I have plenty of moments to spare... a blink and then theyre gone.

And fyi this is not directed to anyone here....not solely about whats been going on here lately. If you take offense at anything i said...feel free to pm me. But some things in my life the past few days (and on here too) have just had me thinking....even if this doesnt make sense to anyone....lit section i made use of it

What a beautiful soul you just bared Kat.

:clap

Thanks for sharing. I couldn't agree more.

 

[Silious950]

Kat that was really awesome. There is so much I would like to say in response but can only come up with this. You seem to be the most beautiful, caring, and selfless person. You need to accept that many people today are just too into themselves and need to get over it.

I had a similar situation happen to me in middle school when I was younger. Most of the time I really don't think about it much but it seems appropriate now. I was friends with all the popular kids and one day they decided that I was a "fag" and that they didn't want to kick it with me anymore. so they ditched me everywhere. Until finally they jumped me after school to finally push me away. So then I realized after that point you need to be with people who can support and help you be a better person.
And tell you the truth instead of always telling you what you want to hear.

Don't chill with people that make you an option.

 

[Mrs Behavin]

Don't chill with people that make you an option.

:homo: that has been just recently one of my favorite sayings

 

[COOL_BREEZE2]

Ok, I'm back at work. Well physically that is. LOL. Gonna drop in in between as I have the chance.

Your opening post Kat. Friggin awesome. Food for thought. I'd rep ya if I coulda. Damn ninja "no can do" pop up.

Thanks for sharing. You guys are the bestest.