Questions to ask before you get married

[JuJu]

You may think that you and your fiancé have talked about everything...but have you discussed the issues that will make your marriage work? Author Susan Piver reveals the questions you and your partner should answer before you say "I do."

Question 1: What percentage of our income are we prepared to spend to purchase and maintain our home on a monthly or annual basis?

Question 2: Who is responsible for keeping our house and yard cared for and organized? Are we different in our needs for cleanliness and organization?

Question 3: How much money do we earn together? Now? In one year? In five years? Ten? Who is responsible for which portion? Now? In one year? Five? Ten?

Question 4: What is our ultimate financial goal regarding annual income, and when do we anticipate achieving it? By what means and through what efforts?

Question 5: What are our categories of expense (rent, clothing, insurance, travel)? How much do we spend monthly, annually, in each category? How much do we want to be able to spend?

Question 6: How much time will each of us spend at work, and during what hours? Do we begin work early? Will we prefer to work into the evening?

Question 7: If one of us doesn't want to work, under what circumstances, if any, would that be okay?

Question 8: How ambitious are you? Are we comfortable with the other's level of ambition?

Question 9: Am I comfortable giving and receiving love sexually? In sex, does my partner feel my love for him or her?

Question 10: Are we satisfied with the frequency of our lovemaking? How do we cope when our desire levels are unmatched? A little? A lot? For a night? A week? A month? A year? More?

Question 11: Do we eat meals together? Which ones? Who is responsible for the food shopping? Who prepares the meals? Who cleans up afterward?

Question 12: Is each of us happy with the other's approach to health? Does one have habits or tendencies that concern the other (e.g., smoking, excessive dieting, poor diet)?

Question 13: What place does the other's family play in our family life? How often do we visit or socialize together? If we have out-of-town relatives, will we ask them to visit us for extended periods? How often?

Question 14: If we have children, what kind of relationship do we hope our parents will have with their grandchildren? How much time will they spend together?

Question 15: Will we have children? If so, when? How many? How important is having children to each of us?

Question 16: How will having a child change the way we live now? Will we want to take time off from work, or work a reduced schedule? For how long? Will we need to rethink who is responsible for housekeeping?

Question 17: Are we satisfied with the quality and quantity of friends we currently have? Would we like to be more involved socially? Are we overwhelmed socially and need to cut back on such commitments?

Question 18: What are my partner's needs for cultivating or maintaining friendships outside our relationship? Is it easy for me to support those needs, or do they bother me in any way?

Question 19: Do we share a religion? Do we belong to a church, synagogue, mosque or temple? More than one? If not, would our relationship benefit from such an affiliation?

Question 20: Does one of us have an individual spiritual practice? Is the practice and the time devoted to it acceptable to the other? Does each partner understand and respect the other's choices?

Questions to ask before you get married - CNN.com

Whacha think?
Too many questions or not enough?

 

[GuesSAngel]

I think all of those are stupid questions. Personally, you should know enough about the person before you marry them...and finances shouldn't play a part. But also in a relationship it's always a learning experience. You can learn more about that person each and every day

 

[Dodge_Sniper]

Question 21: How great are you in bed?

 

[BreakfastSurreal]

I think all of those are stupid questions. Personally, you should know enough about the person before you marry them...and finances shouldn't play a part. But also in a relationship it's always a learning experience. You can learn more about that person each and every day

i think finances matter, but not an actual dollar amount. It's not how much you make, its how much different or alike your financial habbits are and how much you are willing to work with each other.

 

[Tim]

i think finances matter, but not an actual dollar amount. It's not how much you make, its how much different or alike your financial habbits are and how much you are willing to work with each other.

Yes you're right, finances do matter... but come on, a questionaire? These are things that you should know long before you pop the question. This is the whole reason you date before you get engaged, and get engaged before you get married. Who are these people that don't know anything about their significant other before they get married? I may not have known everything about Alicia before we got married, but I knew the things that matter

 

[GuesSAngel]

of course finances matter...but that shouldn't decide if you should get married or not.

 

[Tim]

Maybe this kind of questionnaire is for professional couples that don't spend any time together to get to know this stuff... they are also the ones that aren't building a life together financially... Hell, Alicia didn't marry me for my money and I didn't for hers... we would have to have money for that to be the case... so we will be building or financial life together.

 

[GuesSAngel]

Maybe this kind of questionnaire is for professional couples that don't spend any time together to get to know this stuff... they are also the ones that aren't building a life together financially... Hell, Alicia didn't marry me for my money and I didn't for hers... we would have to have money for that to be the case... so we will be building or financial life together.

oh please, you know when I was working that I was your sugar momma.

 

[Peter Parka]

I think the questions are fair with honest answers only. If you dont like the answers then you are probably a snob or cant hack certain things in each other in which case your relationship could be quite shallow or you're not right for each other. Just my opinion though

 

[GraceAbounds]

Questions to ask before you get married - CNN.com

Whacha think?
Too many questions or not enough?

These are the types of questions that are gone over in pre-marriage counseling classes. Addressing these types of things before getting married can save people a lot of heartache down the road.

 

[Peter Parka]

Oh, by the way, here are my honest answers

You may think that you and your fiancé have talked about everything...but have you discussed the issues that will make your marriage work? Author Susan Piver reveals the questions you and your partner should answer before you say "I do."

Question 1: What percentage of our income are we prepared to spend to purchase and maintain our home on a monthly or annual basis?

Depends how much the people who want our money for services ask!

Question 2: Who is responsible for keeping our house and yard cared for and organized? Are we different in our needs for cleanliness and organization?

We are completely different in that regard but we get by because we love each other

Question 3: How much money do we earn together? Now? In one year? In five years? Ten? Who is responsible for which portion? Now? In one year? Five? Ten?

Who gives a shit apart from materialistic bastards who only marry for money?

Question 4: What is our ultimate financial goal regarding annual income, and when do we anticipate achieving it? By what means and through what efforts?

We dont care as long as we're happy with each other

Question 5: What are our categories of expense (rent, clothing, insurance, travel)? How much do we spend monthly, annually, in each category? How much do we want to be able to spend?

Once again, we dont give a shit

Question 6: How much time will each of us spend at work, and during what hours? Do we begin work early? Will we prefer to work into the evening?

We dont care as long as we love each other

Question 7: If one of us doesn't want to work, under what circumstances, if any, would that be okay?

Being ill like our current cercumstance

Question 8: How ambitious are you? Are we comfortable with the other's level of ambition?

I'm not ambitious, nor is my wife, suits us fine!

Question 9: Am I comfortable giving and receiving love sexually? In sex, does my partner feel my love for him or her?

No problems there whatsoever!

Question 10: Are we satisfied with the frequency of our lovemaking? How do we cope when our desire levels are unmatched? A little? A lot? For a night? A week? A month? A year? More?

We are fine, if one has a stronger urge there is always oral sex.

Question 11: Do we eat meals together? Which ones? Who is responsible for the food shopping? Who prepares the meals? Who cleans up afterward?

Whoever's up to it, not a problem

Question 12: Is each of us happy with the other's approach to health? Does one have habits or tendencies that concern the other (e.g., smoking, excessive dieting, poor diet)?

We have different values on these matters but respect each others opinions

Question 13: What place does the other's family play in our family life? How often do we visit or socialize together? If we have out-of-town relatives, will we ask them to visit us for extended periods? How often?

The less the better!

Question 14: If we have children, what kind of relationship do we hope our parents will have with their grandchildren? How much time will they spend together?

We'd love to have kids but probably will never happen!

Question 15: Will we have children? If so, when? How many? How important is having children to each of us?

Very important to have kids but dosent look very likely so we just deal with it and have a dog!

Question 16: How will having a child change the way we live now? Will we want to take time off from work, or work a reduced schedule? For how long? Will we need to rethink who is responsible for housekeeping?

All answers: No!

Question 17: Are we satisfied with the quality and quantity of friends we currently have? Would we like to be more involved socially? Are we overwhelmed socially and need to cut back on such commitments?

No

Question 18: What are my partner's needs for cultivating or maintaining friendships outside our relationship? Is it easy for me to support those needs, or do they bother me in any way?

No

Question 19: Do we share a religion? Do we belong to a church, synagogue, mosque or temple? More than one? If not, would our relationship benefit from such an affiliation?

No, we accept each others vastly different beliefs

Question 20: Does one of us have an individual spiritual practice? Is the practice and the time devoted to it acceptable to the other? Does each partner understand and respect the other's choices?

What???

 

[eilatan5445]

I think all of those are stupid questions. Personally, you should know enough about the person before you marry them...and finances shouldn't play a part. But also in a relationship it's always a learning experience. You can learn more about that person each and every day

There's no way a relationship that involves combining your finances can not include finances. It's better to talk about it, ask those questions, agree on things, than just wing it.

 

[GuesSAngel]

There's no way a relationship that involves combining your finances can not include finances. It's better to talk about it, ask those questions, agree on things, than just wing it.

I think what I was trying to get at was, in considering marriage, I didn't look at my now husband and say...."hmmmm I don't think that his finances and mine combine would suit me, or that he makes enough...nope i'm not going to marry him now" That's where I'm saying that finances shouldn't get in the way of if you want to get married or not. Money shouldn't be an issue. I love my husband, and I would have married him even if he was as broke as the homeless.

 

[eilatan5445]

I think what I was trying to get at was, in considering marriage, I didn't look at my now husband and say...."hmmmm I don't think that his finances and mine combine would suit me, or that he makes enough...nope i'm not going to marry him now" That's where I'm saying that finances shouldn't get in the way of if you want to get married or not. Money shouldn't be an issue. I love my husband, and I would have married him even if he was as broke as the homeless.

Oh, agreed. It's not about that, but it's certainly important to talk about financial issues, so no one ends up feeling bitter or frustrated because things aren't being ran the way they'd like them to be.

 

[NightWarrior]

of course finances matter...but that shouldn't decide if you should get married or not.

Just so you know, the #1 reason for divorce today has to do with money, not infidelity like many think. Love isn't enough if you can't pay your bills

 

[eilatan5445]

Just so you know, the #1 reason for divorce today has to do with money, not infidelity like many think. Love isn't enough if you can't pay your bills

That's how they getchya.

 

[Mrs Behavin]

seems like me and my husband live paycheck to paycheck anymore cause he likes to blow $ on crap ALL the time, and Im not exaggerating. I bust my butt at work and when my check gets here he's always needing some of it because his is already blown. Makes me so mad. Like for instance, I get paid this Fri but he told me the other day that he will need the majority of my check because he has a $640 ticket to pay thats due Aug 22. What the hell!
But you know I have stuck with him despite our different outlooks on $$, the one thing that is breaking us apart is his lack of love and his attitude, not the $$

 

[NightWarrior]

seems like me and my husband live paycheck to paycheck anymore cause he likes to blow $ on crap ALL the time, and Im not exaggerating. I bust my butt at work and when my check gets here he's always needing some of it because his is already blown. Makes me so mad. Like for instance, I get paid this Fri but he told me the other day that he will need the majority of my check because he has a $640 ticket to pay thats due Aug 22. What the hell!
But you know I have stuck with him despite our different outlooks on $$, the one thing that is breaking us apart is his lack of love and his attitude, not the $$

I'm sure his lack of money outlook plays into the attitude part as well here, I'm just sayin

 

[GuesSAngel]

Just so you know, the #1 reason for divorce today has to do with money, not infidelity like many think. Love isn't enough if you can't pay your bills

I think we're stronger than that or else we would have been seeing our lawyers already

 

[Suzie]

I wonder what the #2 reason for divorce is... kids and discipline?