New Boat Law

[griz bear]

A new federal law called "The Affordable Boat Act" had just been enacted, mandating that every citizen must purchase a new boat by April 2014. These "affordable" boats will cost an average of $54,000-$155,000 each. This does not include taxes, trailers, towing fees, licensing and registration fees, fuel, docking and storage fees, maintenance or repair costs. This law was passed because, until now, typically only wealthy and financially responsible people have been able to purchase boats. The law ensures that every American can now have an "affordable" boat of their own because owning a boat is not a privilege - it's a right; therefore, everyone is "entitled" to a new boat. If you purchase your boat before the end of the year, you will receive 4 "free" life jackets; however, there is a monthly usage fee. In order to make sure everyone purchases an affordable boat, the costs of owning a boat will increase on average of 250-400% per year. That way, wealthy people will pay more for something that other people don't want or can't afford to maintain. But to be fair, people who can't afford to maintain their boat will be regularly fined, or rather, "taxed," and children (under the age of 26) can use their parents' boats to party on until they turn 27; then they must purchase their own boats. If you already have a boat, you can keep yours, but you must pay an ownership fee. If you don't want or need a boat, you are required to buy one anyway. If you refuse to buy one or can't afford one, you will be regularly fined (taxed) $800 until you purchase one or face imprisonment. Failure to use the boat will also result in fines ("taxes"). People living in the desert, ghettos, inner cities or areas with no access to lakes are not exempt. Age, motion sickness, lack of experience, knowledge or desire are not acceptable excuses for not using your boat. A government review board (the members of which probably won't know the difference between the port, starboard or stern) will make all decisions pertaining to boat ownership, including when, where, how often and for what purposes you can use your boat. :24: