to our grandpa...it makes me cry everytime i read it...i need to try to write something tonight to read at his service too...if only i could get the words out as well as she does...shes actually the reason i started writing cause i wanted to be like her when i was little...but here it is from my sis...
[FONT=times new roman,new york,times,serif] Grandpa,
I find myself thinking back to my childhood. Of many afternoons spent sitting at your knee while you told us stories. You in the army, things our mother and her siblings did when they were small. Your deep belly laugh that made us all laugh as well. The furrows and wrinkles of your face, expressive and full of life. In that moment we are suspended from your words, our youthful upturned faces waiting eagerly for the next picture you will paint for us. Moments I reach towards in vain for my own children. I mourn that they will never know you.
The magic poured from finger tips that gestured, taught, shaped us as we grew. The elusive spot to kiss you on your cheek. I can feel the texture of your weathered face, the dimple dancing there are we giggled and played.
You, my hero, my muse at times. I wanted always to make you proud. To see your shining eyes turn on me in approval which they did, time and time again. You loved me and I knew that always. I hope that you know as well.
I looked at you and saw a man to be so proud of. Your values were there for all to see, no excuses or apologies. The orbit of our family surrounded you. The things you taught your children growing and they to thiers lives on. And so you are a foundation block of this family, written deep on the hearts of those you loved. I hear your voice echo my words as I sing a lullaby to my children, the same one you sang to us as children.
All these words cannot bring to light the depth of my emotions and how entwined you are in my life. The memories swirl and I cry as I realize my deepest wish; an afternoon.
I want my afternoon with you Grandpa. I want to sit at your side as the sun rises. Adults and friends and talk. All the wisdom of my childhood meshed with the knowledge we gain as we mature. I want to listen to the world come to life and ask you all these questions that rattle in my skull. My tears fall and my heart breaks. I want to ask you about my little man. There are things I dont know about raising a man. I look at my uncles, they are good men; I want to know so many things............how do I do this. I want to speak of life, and love I want to discuss our faith and our beliefs. Please...........I want my afternoon. As the sun rides the sky we sit and talk of many things. My daughter would sit on your knee and chase that kiss around your cheek and your laugh would fill her heart as it did mine then and still does now at the thought. We would talk about what families and raising them takes. How do you foster such a close kinship among family, what is the secret to a loving home and lasting relationship.
Time goes by and we think we have so long for afternoons. Far too soon the sun has set though and we cannot retrive the moment past. It is gone forever. I stayed away because that is what I needed. You always understood there was a need to know inside me. A force that drove me to question everything. You encouraged me to seek knowledge for when you have understanding you need not fear things. I faced life head on with a passion on the wings you gave me when others would clip them short. I never took the time though to tell you these things. The depth of my love and respect for you. Did you know? Have I let another moment slip away unoticed?
The world is dimmer and washed out. My stomach lurches when I think of the tomorrow I must face knowing you are not here. I know you are happy, without pain and at peace. Perhaps after all I may get my afternoon someday. In a far away place. I love you so much. You live always in my heart and I will strive to teach my children as you taught me.
Until we meet again.
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[FONT=times new roman,new york,times,serif] Grandpa,
I find myself thinking back to my childhood. Of many afternoons spent sitting at your knee while you told us stories. You in the army, things our mother and her siblings did when they were small. Your deep belly laugh that made us all laugh as well. The furrows and wrinkles of your face, expressive and full of life. In that moment we are suspended from your words, our youthful upturned faces waiting eagerly for the next picture you will paint for us. Moments I reach towards in vain for my own children. I mourn that they will never know you.
The magic poured from finger tips that gestured, taught, shaped us as we grew. The elusive spot to kiss you on your cheek. I can feel the texture of your weathered face, the dimple dancing there are we giggled and played.
You, my hero, my muse at times. I wanted always to make you proud. To see your shining eyes turn on me in approval which they did, time and time again. You loved me and I knew that always. I hope that you know as well.
I looked at you and saw a man to be so proud of. Your values were there for all to see, no excuses or apologies. The orbit of our family surrounded you. The things you taught your children growing and they to thiers lives on. And so you are a foundation block of this family, written deep on the hearts of those you loved. I hear your voice echo my words as I sing a lullaby to my children, the same one you sang to us as children.
All these words cannot bring to light the depth of my emotions and how entwined you are in my life. The memories swirl and I cry as I realize my deepest wish; an afternoon.
I want my afternoon with you Grandpa. I want to sit at your side as the sun rises. Adults and friends and talk. All the wisdom of my childhood meshed with the knowledge we gain as we mature. I want to listen to the world come to life and ask you all these questions that rattle in my skull. My tears fall and my heart breaks. I want to ask you about my little man. There are things I dont know about raising a man. I look at my uncles, they are good men; I want to know so many things............how do I do this. I want to speak of life, and love I want to discuss our faith and our beliefs. Please...........I want my afternoon. As the sun rides the sky we sit and talk of many things. My daughter would sit on your knee and chase that kiss around your cheek and your laugh would fill her heart as it did mine then and still does now at the thought. We would talk about what families and raising them takes. How do you foster such a close kinship among family, what is the secret to a loving home and lasting relationship.
Time goes by and we think we have so long for afternoons. Far too soon the sun has set though and we cannot retrive the moment past. It is gone forever. I stayed away because that is what I needed. You always understood there was a need to know inside me. A force that drove me to question everything. You encouraged me to seek knowledge for when you have understanding you need not fear things. I faced life head on with a passion on the wings you gave me when others would clip them short. I never took the time though to tell you these things. The depth of my love and respect for you. Did you know? Have I let another moment slip away unoticed?
The world is dimmer and washed out. My stomach lurches when I think of the tomorrow I must face knowing you are not here. I know you are happy, without pain and at peace. Perhaps after all I may get my afternoon someday. In a far away place. I love you so much. You live always in my heart and I will strive to teach my children as you taught me.
Until we meet again.
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