Is divorce the best option? How to deal with it?

[Ricardo187]

Hello everybody. Beforehand I want to tell you that I've been through it when I was seventeen years old so I talk by self experience, from the children side, of-course. Divorce is a word that a lot of couples avoid mentioning and talking a lot about it. Only thinking about it is bad and that's not far from the reality, it is in fact bad.

Now, the main question is to know whether the divorce is the best option and what consequences it brings. The pros and cons. Children will always suffer with it. I believe there isn't anyone out there that wishes for his/her parents to divorce, but I doubt there is any that could handle couple fights and discussions without struggling. Divorce is after all something that has to happen sometimes, when there isn't really anything else the couple can and/or want to do in order to revive the relationship.

For me, and by my experience, I could live a lot better and a lot more calm without hearing fights on daily basis, most of them for sligh reasons. When it comes to talk about divorce with your children, just bare in mind that hiding stuff from them and telling them it'll be alright just makes it worse. It's bad and they should be ready for it. After the shock, they'll eventually realize that it is the best thing to do and get used to it.

Share your experiences/opinions with us.

 

[The Man]

Vodka until an agreement is reached / much cheaper in the long run.

 

[orzz]

I don't think there's anything wrong with it at all, obviously the couple should try and resolve the conflict but the whole "taboo" thing surrounding divorce is something I don't quite understand. Obviously it will affect the children but its better for children to have happy parents and be in a positive environment than being around 2 people that hate each other.

 

[Alien Allen]

I don't think there's anything wrong with it at all, obviously the couple should try and resolve the conflict but the whole "taboo" thing surrounding divorce is something I don't quite understand. Obviously it will affect the children but its better for children to have happy parents and be in a positive environment than being around 2 people that hate each other.

Maybe that is the problem. People are treating marriage like it is just a throw away item. Marriage vows are hollow words that mean nothing to way too many people.

Too bad there is not a way to make people refrain from having kids until they are certain they want to remain married. There is a reason our society is so fucked up and a big part of it is due to kids not having two parents around.

But hey, no big deal.... The I, Me, Mine mentality of the 60's has won out. Sad

 

[The Man]

Maybe that is the problem. People are treating marriage like it is just a throw away item. Marriage vows are hollow words that mean nothing to way too many people.

Too bad there is not a way to make people refrain from having kids until they are certain they want to remain married. There is a reason our society is so fucked up and a big part of it is due to kids not having two parents around.

But hey, no big deal.... The I, Me, Mine mentality of the 60's has won out. Sad

I think close to half of marriages end in divorce...it use to be a third but I am sure it has gone up.
I have seen a lot of failed marriages in my time..with many of the people getting married thinking it will fix a failing relationship...Then we have people that "just have to be married".

 

[illusion]

I believe that when kids are involved a couple should make the best effort they can to stay together. Stability in childhood is extremely important. If the spouse isn't willing to try to work out the problems with counseling or just even working together, then there might not be an option. It takes two people to make a marriage work. If there's any danger to any family members (spouse, kids, etc ...) then it's better to get out of that situation. If there aren't kids involved, then I see no problem ending a chronically unhappy marriage.

 

[tamron]

I've known plenty of couples who hit a little bump and divorce, and plenty more that hit a giant pit of despair and ride through it, ending up better than ever before.

This is just an opinion, I know there are plenty of cases that prove this wrong, but I think marrying young doesn't help the chances of a relationship to last.

Also, I heard one interesting theory once. It's just a theory, and I don't put any weight behind it, but it still is a little interesting: a scientist I know thinks that some divorces are caused by birth control. His theory was this: when a woman is on birth control, she may be attracted to a certain type of guy, as her body isn't in baby-making mood. The couple gets married, she gets off birth control in preparation to have a child and suddenly there's a hormone shift and the same guy she was so attracted to, she can't stand. Or the guy can't stand because her hormones are going through a change, and he feels like she's a different woman.

Again, I don't believe in this, but it is kind of interesting.

 

[Josie]

Making the children suffer is a choice. There is no excuse for it. if you're at the point you can't stand your partner and you've tried everything else to save the marriage, then please.. DON'T stay for the kids. They know and they feel it. The kids will get FAR more stability from two separate homes than one chaotic home.. they may not like change (or they might!),. but growing up with THAT as your example of love is just wrong to do to them. I really believe marriage should be harder for couples to enter into. Much harder. People put almost zero thought into it.. use it as the ultimate romantic gesture instead of the life long commitment it's supposed to be. It's truly a joke now and it's the children that suffer.

 

[Igor Sobral]

Refusing the chance of divorce just for the sake of the kids it's wrong and idiotic. My parents divorced when I was 12 and I was damn happy that they did it, because I couldn't stand them anymore. Don't delay a divorce just because you don't want kids to suffer because they will suffer more if you are together and always fighting or not happy together. Kids sense those things. Personally, I would never stay in a marriage if it's not working. It's wrong and not fair.

 

[Alien Allen]

I think close to half of marriages end in divorce...it use to be a third but I am sure it has gone up.
I have seen a lot of failed marriages in my time..with many of the people getting married thinking it will fix a failing relationship...Then we have people that "just have to be married".

yes I believe the divorce rate is around 50%. 50 years ago it was more like a black eye on the family to get divorced. Not saying that everybody should force themselves to stay married but I think it is a cop out for way too many to just bail. That and to divorce without making any effort to reconcile. We were a lot better off 50 years ago as a society.

 

[WiccanWitch]

Divorce and separation are topics that have plagued me everyday for years now. The topic of leaving with children is something not to be taken lightly. In my personal situation, I have been told I need to do this for mine and my childrens mental health, emotional well being, and also my physical as I've been going through a number of medical issues the past few years which have all been due to stress from my marriage; from my husband. My husband is emotionally, mentally, and verbally abusive and has been since we got together 14 years ago. It had gotten better, until we got married 8 years ago, and again when I got pregnant with my first child in early 2007. He isn't physically abusive to us, but the words he says leave open wounds that tend to bleed. They never fully heal. And then to go 14 years being told you're useless, you're a burden, you can't do anything right, etc etc, with time you start believing those things, or feeling them anyway. For me, leaving is an option. My kids have been up against walls in fear while my husband has an anger fit, or crying their little eyes out asking why he doesn't love them. (they're both currently 5 years old) However, we went into this marriage dead set on raising our family as a family. My parents weren't together. In fact, my mom was in a detox center and my father tried to kill me. I was raised by my grandparents. Hubby was also raised by his grandparents (though his grandpa is an alcoholic), has never met his dad and still has the traumatic effects of having his mother move from here in BC Canada, the 16 hours to Washington!
Divorce is a big step, but there are definitely lines that make it okay to cross. And in which case, there is a lot of help out there for the adult and I think even more so for the children!

 

[ReadmeByAmy]

Some marital problems that cannot be resolved sometimes end up to separate ways that lead to divorce while there are others who tried to fix things out in order to save the marriage. A couple before they decide to get divorce, they should think positively what will be the outcome of the separation to the children. If necessary divorce is not the best option but despite both husband and wife can attend some marriage counselling if their marriage is on the rocks and it might help to give them a good point of view about the consequences of the situation. In a s much as possible try to save the marriage for the sake of the children.

 

[Lizbeth19ph]

I believe if a couple can still reconcile their differences, they should let their marriage intact for the good of their children. Children are the ones suffering the most as a result of their parent's divorce. The couple who have undergone divorce are not just the only ones who will undergo depression post divorce. Emotional pain/hurts or trauma cannot be healed over time unlike physical ones.

 

[deansaliba]

Maybe that is the problem. People are treating marriage like it is just a throw away item. Marriage vows are hollow words that mean nothing to way too many people.

Too bad there is not a way to make people refrain from having kids until they are certain they want to remain married. There is a reason our society is so fucked up and a big part of it is due to kids not having two parents around.

But hey, no big deal.... The I, Me, Mine mentality of the 60's has won out. Sad

I said this to someone only the other day, and I also mention people having their children Christened just so they get presents. I've been with my girlfriend for over five years and we have no plans on marrying, it is just a piece of paper after all.

 

[King Belieal]

Divorce is not something that anyone should wish for. But there are cases that it is simply the best option. In a situation where domestic violence is prevalent or there is wide incompatibility, divorce is always the best choice.

 

[Urvashi]

Divorce can be the best option when a marriage becomes unhealthy, toxic, or unfixable. It’s painful, but healing starts with self-care, therapy, and a strong support system. Focusing on personal growth, maintaining stability (especially for kids), and embracing a new future helps make the transition smoother and more empowering.

 

[lens]

Divorce brings extreme distress to children because of its impact. I do understand that divorce may be the best approach as the most suitable path for every person's welfare. Prior to deciding, it is important to evaluate both the positive and negative factors.

 

[eldavis]

Personally i don't think divorce is the best option, marriage is a union that needs to be respected, not something people go in and jump out of when things gets tough. This is why one needs to be extended careful when selecting who they end up with.