So I’m still dealing with some friend issues, and I thought I’d write an *attempt* at poetry or whatever to express what I would *like* to tell them, if only I could get through to them, but frankly they’re too self-absorbed to listen to anybody and they’re not worth being friends with. Just took me a long time to realize that. So… I figured I’d do this instead.
Just to fyi, I suck at poetry, so say what you will about it. I don’t know if it even counts as a poem really, but whatever, it expresses my thoughts/feelings.
(just for the record, I put it all in one poem but I’m actually thinking of two former friends in writing this.)
…………………………………..
What I Wish I Could Say
You said, “If you have a problem with me or something I did, tell me about it.”
I wish I could say, “I’ve already told you, you’re just too self-absorbed and narrow-minded to listen to me right.”
You said, “You need to get over stuff and let it go.”
I wish I could say, “I’ve tried talking to you about it, but you think it’s not worth me being upset about when I try to talk to you about it.”
You said, “Stop making an issue out of old issues.”
I wish I could say, “If I’m bringing it up at all, doesn’t that mean it was never settled and I’m trying to settle it?”
You said, “Go out and get a life.”
I wish I could say, “You don’t even know how to live yours.”
You said, “Shut up about your hard life, you don’t have it as rough as me.”
I wish I could say, “Who are you to judge who has a hard life or not?”
You said, “Don’t use your pain as emotional blackmail to control others.”
I wish I could say, “What do you think you’ve done to me sometimes?”
You said, “I tried to be there for you, to help you.”
I wish I could say, “Why did you cause me the most pain, then?”
You said, “Don’t spread my personal business around.”
I wish I could say, “I didn’t know that WAS personal, you should have said so.”
You said, “I tried to make you open your eyes to see you aren’t the only one in pain.”
I wish I could say, “Why couldn’t you open your eyes and acknowledge you caused much of my depression and pain?”
You said, “People need to grow up and get lives.”
I wish I could say, “Then why don’t you grow up?”
You said, “I thought the crush issue was settled.”
I wish I could say, “You honestly expected it to be settled after just one short conversation about it?”
You said, “I am sick of you attacking me.”
I wish I could say, “I’ve never attacked you, I only tried to clarify my position.”
You said, “I did apologize for what I did/said.”
I wish I could say, “Apologies are worthless if you just go and do it again, and they don’t fix everything.”
You said, “I asked you to give me an explanation.”
I wish I could say, “I’ve given you too many explanations; you just don’t know how to listen.”
You said, “I’m tired of putting up with crap from you.”
I said, “What about the bullshit I had to endure from you?”
You said, “I’ve tried to be a good friend to you.”
I wish I could say, “Treating me like mud on your boots is being a good friend?”
You said, “I never accused you of a single thing.”
I wish I could say, “But your assumption was aimed at me nonetheless.”
You said, “I’m sorry it happened.”
I wish I could say, “You only express sympathy when I am of use to you.”
You said, “I didn’t say that.”
I wish I could say, “But you did, I remember you saying it.”
You said, “You burned a lot of bridges by doing what you did.”
I wish I could say, “Stop overreacting, all I did was pull out of your stupid role-play game.”
You said, “You take things too personally.”
I wish I could say, “You also take things way too personally.”
You used me,
You lied to me,
You treated me like crap,
Then you ignored me when I was no longer useful,
I loved you dearly,
I thought you were special,
I thought you could turn around,
And get your act together.
I let you treat me like shit,
I let you cause me depression.
I let you use me because I loved you.
I thought you were worth loving.
I was in the wrong, only because I cared about you,
I was in the wrong, because I thought you could change,
I was in the wrong, because I saw something that wasn’t there.
I was wrong because I thought you were someone else.
I am too gullible, I trust to easily,
I am too easily lead astray,
I am too easily sucked into a trap,
I am too easily lead into despair.
Now all I have to remember you by is the pain you caused me.
I’m just sorry I stayed with you as long as I did.
I was too naïve and stupid; I stayed with you far too long.
I just wish I could make you see how stupid you are.
I loved you, I tried to impress you,
You only tried to tell me how you would do things instead.
I cared about you, all I did was care and worry,
And all you could do was ignore me and treat me like shit.
I wish I could send you this poem in your email,
But I know I shouldn’t because you won’t listen
You’ll just think I’m “attacking” you again,
And you’ve claimed you’ve endured enough from me.
You’re only punishing yourselves anyway,
You drive people away with your foolishness,
And all the while, the only thing you do is,
Ask why and why this crap keeps happening to you.
If you ever decide to wake up,
If you ever decide to stop being selfish,
If you ever decide to stop being narrow-minded,
Maybe we can talk again someday.
Just to fyi, I suck at poetry, so say what you will about it. I don’t know if it even counts as a poem really, but whatever, it expresses my thoughts/feelings.
(just for the record, I put it all in one poem but I’m actually thinking of two former friends in writing this.)
…………………………………..
What I Wish I Could Say
You said, “If you have a problem with me or something I did, tell me about it.”
I wish I could say, “I’ve already told you, you’re just too self-absorbed and narrow-minded to listen to me right.”
You said, “You need to get over stuff and let it go.”
I wish I could say, “I’ve tried talking to you about it, but you think it’s not worth me being upset about when I try to talk to you about it.”
You said, “Stop making an issue out of old issues.”
I wish I could say, “If I’m bringing it up at all, doesn’t that mean it was never settled and I’m trying to settle it?”
You said, “Go out and get a life.”
I wish I could say, “You don’t even know how to live yours.”
You said, “Shut up about your hard life, you don’t have it as rough as me.”
I wish I could say, “Who are you to judge who has a hard life or not?”
You said, “Don’t use your pain as emotional blackmail to control others.”
I wish I could say, “What do you think you’ve done to me sometimes?”
You said, “I tried to be there for you, to help you.”
I wish I could say, “Why did you cause me the most pain, then?”
You said, “Don’t spread my personal business around.”
I wish I could say, “I didn’t know that WAS personal, you should have said so.”
You said, “I tried to make you open your eyes to see you aren’t the only one in pain.”
I wish I could say, “Why couldn’t you open your eyes and acknowledge you caused much of my depression and pain?”
You said, “People need to grow up and get lives.”
I wish I could say, “Then why don’t you grow up?”
You said, “I thought the crush issue was settled.”
I wish I could say, “You honestly expected it to be settled after just one short conversation about it?”
You said, “I am sick of you attacking me.”
I wish I could say, “I’ve never attacked you, I only tried to clarify my position.”
You said, “I did apologize for what I did/said.”
I wish I could say, “Apologies are worthless if you just go and do it again, and they don’t fix everything.”
You said, “I asked you to give me an explanation.”
I wish I could say, “I’ve given you too many explanations; you just don’t know how to listen.”
You said, “I’m tired of putting up with crap from you.”
I said, “What about the bullshit I had to endure from you?”
You said, “I’ve tried to be a good friend to you.”
I wish I could say, “Treating me like mud on your boots is being a good friend?”
You said, “I never accused you of a single thing.”
I wish I could say, “But your assumption was aimed at me nonetheless.”
You said, “I’m sorry it happened.”
I wish I could say, “You only express sympathy when I am of use to you.”
You said, “I didn’t say that.”
I wish I could say, “But you did, I remember you saying it.”
You said, “You burned a lot of bridges by doing what you did.”
I wish I could say, “Stop overreacting, all I did was pull out of your stupid role-play game.”
You said, “You take things too personally.”
I wish I could say, “You also take things way too personally.”
You used me,
You lied to me,
You treated me like crap,
Then you ignored me when I was no longer useful,
I loved you dearly,
I thought you were special,
I thought you could turn around,
And get your act together.
I let you treat me like shit,
I let you cause me depression.
I let you use me because I loved you.
I thought you were worth loving.
I was in the wrong, only because I cared about you,
I was in the wrong, because I thought you could change,
I was in the wrong, because I saw something that wasn’t there.
I was wrong because I thought you were someone else.
I am too gullible, I trust to easily,
I am too easily lead astray,
I am too easily sucked into a trap,
I am too easily lead into despair.
Now all I have to remember you by is the pain you caused me.
I’m just sorry I stayed with you as long as I did.
I was too naïve and stupid; I stayed with you far too long.
I just wish I could make you see how stupid you are.
I loved you, I tried to impress you,
You only tried to tell me how you would do things instead.
I cared about you, all I did was care and worry,
And all you could do was ignore me and treat me like shit.
I wish I could send you this poem in your email,
But I know I shouldn’t because you won’t listen
You’ll just think I’m “attacking” you again,
And you’ve claimed you’ve endured enough from me.
You’re only punishing yourselves anyway,
You drive people away with your foolishness,
And all the while, the only thing you do is,
Ask why and why this crap keeps happening to you.
If you ever decide to wake up,
If you ever decide to stop being selfish,
If you ever decide to stop being narrow-minded,
Maybe we can talk again someday.
