How to tell that a Hillbilly has been on the computer
The monitor is up on blocks.
Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
The 6 front keys have rotted out.
The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts in them.
The numeric keypad only goes up to 6.
The password is "Bubba."
There is a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM Drive.
The keyboard is camouflaged.
The Mouse is referred to as a "Critter."
A Hillbilly's Computer Lingo
1. LOG ON: Makin a wood stove hotter.
2. LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.
3. MONITOR: Keepin an eye on the wood stove.
4. DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truk.
5. MEGA HERTZ: When yer not kerful gettin the farwood.
6. FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood.
7. RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood.
8. HARD DRIVE: Gettin home in the winter time.
9. PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time.
Hillbilly Medical Terminology
ANTIBODY - against everyone
ARTERY - the study of fine paintings
BARIUM - what you do when CPR fails
BENIGN - what you be after you be eight
BOTULISM - tendency to make mistakes
CARDIOLOGY - advanced study of poker playing
CAT SCAN - searching for ones lost kitty
CAUTERIZE- made eye contact with her
COLIC - a sheep dog
COMA - a punctuation mark
CONGENITAL - friendly
CORTIZONE - the local courthouse
D & C - where Washington is
DILATE - to live longer
ENEMA - not a friend
ENTERITIS - a penchant for burglary
ER - the things on your head that you hear with
FESTER - quicker
FIBRILLATE - to tell lies
G.I. SERIES - baseball games between teams of soldiers
GENES - blue denim slacks
GENITAL - non- Jewish
GRIPPE - what you do to a suitcase
HANGNAIL - a coat hook
HEMORRHOID - a male from outer space
HERPES - what women do in the Ladies Room
HORMONES - what a prostitute does when she doesn't get paid
ICU - peek- a- boo
IMPOTENT - distinguished, well known
INPATIENT - tired of waiting
LABOR PAIN - hurt at work
MEDICAL STAFF - a doctor's cane
MINOR OPERATION - somebody else's
MORBID - a higher offer
NITRATE - lower than day rate
NODE - was aware of
OUTPATIENT - a person who has fainted
PARALYZE - two far-fetched stories
PATHOLOGICAL - a reasonable way to go
PHARMACIST - person who makes a living dealing in agriculture
POST- OPERATIVE - a letter carrier
PROTEIN - in favor of young people
RECOVERY ROOM - place to upholster furniture
RECTUM - what happened to the Corvette
RED BLOOD COUNT - Dracula
RHEUMATIC - amorous
SALINE - where you go on your boyfriend's boat
SECRETION - hiding anything
SEROLOGY - study of English knighthood
TABLET - a small table
TERMINAL ILLNESS - getting sick at the airport
TIBIA - country in North Africa
TRIPLE BYPASS - better than a quarterback sneak
TUMOR - an extra pair
URINE - opposite of "you're out"
VARICOSE - very close
VEIN - conceited
:rofl :rofl
Them 'r funny....member I 'ad 'em N 'ad to sare
:rofl :rofl
I dont mind. He was tired. 
