Peter Parka
Well-Known Member
And before anyone whines, no, I not being racist, this is just good natured piss taking, feel free to take the piss out of the English just as much, I wont be offended, itwas worth it!
Q. How do you say hello in French?
A. "I Surrender."
Q. How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris?
A. Don't know, it's never been tried.
Q: How do you confuse a French Soldier?
A: Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it.
Q: What's the motto of the US Marine Corps?
A: Semper Fi (Always Faithful)
Q: What's the motto of the French Army?
A: Stop, drop, and run!
Q. Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France? A. They do not know how to say "CHARGE!"
Q. How do you introduce yourself in French?
A. "Don't shoot, I give up!"
Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A. Their army.
Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.
Q: How can you identify a French Infantryman?
A: Sunburned armpits.
Q: Why do the French call their fighter the *Mirage*?
A: Because it doesn't really exist.
Q: What do you call a man who only needs body armour on his back?
A: Jacques Chirac
Q: What’s the new French flag look like?
A: A white cross emblazoned on a white background!
Q: What English word has no equivalent in the French language?
A: Gratitude.
A man asks his companion, "What's the most common French expression"? His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I give up!"
"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." --- General George S. Patton
"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." ---- Marge Simpson
"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure" ---Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right." ---Rush Limbaugh,
"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it." ---John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona
"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." --Conan O'Brien
I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France! --- Jay Leno
How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?
One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.
Did you see the new bomb the government came up with? It weights 21,000 pounds. The Air Force tested this bomb in Florida and the bomb blast was so strong at Disneyworld 25 French tourists surrendered. -- Jay Leno
In response to the recent terror attacks in Spain, the French government have raised their terror alert status from "Run" to "Hide".
If attacks continue on the continent they may be forced to further increase the alert to "Surrender", or even as high as "Collaborate".
"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the Nazis?" -- Dennis Miller
The French have only one actual fighting war hero, Joan of Arc, and they turned her over to the enemy!
Raise your right hand if you like the French ... raise both hands if you are French.
"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining." -- John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.
Q. How do you say hello in French?
A. "I Surrender."
Q. How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris?
A. Don't know, it's never been tried.
Q: How do you confuse a French Soldier?
A: Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it.
Q: What's the motto of the US Marine Corps?
A: Semper Fi (Always Faithful)
Q: What's the motto of the French Army?
A: Stop, drop, and run!
Q. Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France? A. They do not know how to say "CHARGE!"
Q. How do you introduce yourself in French?
A. "Don't shoot, I give up!"
Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A. Their army.
Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.
Q: How can you identify a French Infantryman?
A: Sunburned armpits.
Q: Why do the French call their fighter the *Mirage*?
A: Because it doesn't really exist.
Q: What do you call a man who only needs body armour on his back?
A: Jacques Chirac
Q: What’s the new French flag look like?
A: A white cross emblazoned on a white background!
Q: What English word has no equivalent in the French language?
A: Gratitude.
A man asks his companion, "What's the most common French expression"? His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I give up!"
"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." --- General George S. Patton
"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." ---- Marge Simpson
"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure" ---Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right." ---Rush Limbaugh,
"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it." ---John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona
"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." --Conan O'Brien
I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France! --- Jay Leno
How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?
One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.
Did you see the new bomb the government came up with? It weights 21,000 pounds. The Air Force tested this bomb in Florida and the bomb blast was so strong at Disneyworld 25 French tourists surrendered. -- Jay Leno
In response to the recent terror attacks in Spain, the French government have raised their terror alert status from "Run" to "Hide".
If attacks continue on the continent they may be forced to further increase the alert to "Surrender", or even as high as "Collaborate".
"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the Nazis?" -- Dennis Miller
The French have only one actual fighting war hero, Joan of Arc, and they turned her over to the enemy!
Raise your right hand if you like the French ... raise both hands if you are French.
"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining." -- John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.
