Does Love Know No Distance?

[ZemiZem6]

Hello everyone,

I am new to the boards, I actually haven't posted in a chat forum for a few years now. I enjoy them, because I love meeting others from other places. So hello, everyone.

Anyway, just wanted to share my personal experience with love and would love some advice, opinions, or stories from others that might have been through a similar situation as the one I am currently going through.

So where to start, I have currently been in a relationship for 2 years, come February. I am very secure and happy in my relationship. The guy I am with is very enduring, caring, trusting, loving and makes me feel like I am the only girl in the world for him! But of course, no relationship is perfect. And there is usually no sunshine on rainy days. He is 31 years old, as I am just turning 21 in February. I know we are 10 years apart, but he is a kid at heart and can relate to me on everything. Something really horrible happened in June 2011 and he ended up going to jail in August 2011. He has currently been locked up for 5 months on the 24th of this month. My whole life has took a huge turn since June of last year, and I have been going through a million different emotions. I got really depressed in the beginning, but currently within the last few months I have picked myself up and trying to get back on my feet. He has a lawyer, that cost his cousin $14,000. But with my boyfriend's past, he is currently facing up to 30 years in prison. Which means he would be at the age of 60 when he gets out of prison! I know this is just the beginning, and we are only 5 months into his incarceration, but if he takes it to trial it will be in the next few months and I truly have to prepare myself. I don't really know what I feel anymore? He writes me, calls me everyday, and I visit him every week. I have no desire to cheat on him, or be with someone else. We are still together as a couple, and I still love him as much as I did the first day I met him. Even with him not being with me for 5 months now. What I want to get at is, do you think love knows no distance? Can you hold a relationship with a man while he is in jail? How should I prepare myself if he does get sentenced to a lot of time? It's so hard to tell your heart what the mind wants so badly. I believe in love at first sight, and I believe when you find the right person you truly know. This man is like my guardian angel, and at times I feel he is with me when he is not even really there. Love is a beautiful thing, but it can also be the most painful thing you can experience in life. We all want to love and be loved in return. But does everything really happen for a reason?

Any advice, questions, or responses are welcomed. Not really sure how detailed I can get about his case, but if you are wondering what happened and know a little bit about the law I will tell you his story. It really helps for me to talk it out with others. Hope you guys can help me out on this one.

 

[MoonOwl]

Nobody bit eh?

Dump him. You're 21. You'll get over it. Why would you tie up your whole life for someone in jail for possibly 30 years? Think about that. He certainly didn't think about you before he committed a crime that put his butt in jail for decades.

 

[HK]

I've be interested to know what got him into this situation.


I think if the two people involved have the right mindset then sure, love can span a lot of difficulties. But loving someone also isn't always enough of a reason to stay with them. In the event that he does end up facing a long prison sentence, you're going to be looking at a long time without him. It may be romantic at first, to be visiting him and talking about how you'll be there for him through this ordeal, but trust me, the novelty of a difficult situation can wear off ever so fast, and one day you may start feeling lonely and resentful rather than sympathetic.


Not to mention, his life will pretty much be fixed at the point he enters jail. It's not going to move forwards. You might be getting promotions, moving house, thinking about marriage and kids later on. It's not impossible to still keep him involved - I'm pretty sure you can marry someone even when they're incarcerated, etc etc - but I don't think anyone fantasises about getting married in a prison chapel.


What I'm trying to get at is, you're going to have a lot of things to prepare yourself for beyond just his actual trial. If it does come to the worst for you then it's going to affect the rest of your life with him. If you're sure about staying with him then all you can do is see how it pans out - no one really tell you how you're going to feel in ten or twenty years, but if you're determined to try it then I think the important thing is to be aware of how different your life is going to be from how you probably imagined it. It might not bother you right at this second, but although you can visit him, he won't be able to attend anything with you, family parties, friends birthdays, special occasions. Sometimes it's the little things, rather than the big issue, that can really wear away at you.

 

[banned]

Glad you did jump in HK...... I was biting my tonque as a newbie and waiting disapointinghly that nobody did till now....:thumbup:clap

 

[banned]

Unfortunately for you I have to agree with HK.....dump him and move on.
No need to ruin your life.
Your question: "Does Love Know No Distance .. gets from me the answer "No it does not".
Myself had a long distance relationship for a while and it even forced me to move to a other country and still became happy.
I did so after a failed over 30 year marriage .....therefor you might think about that to....even after 30 years there are NO quarantees.
You might remember him the way he got in jail but you will never know or can imagin how he comes out.
Unfortunately he has to live with the consequences of his actions.
Does he derves a second chance ?....Everybody does !!!...but he does not deserve to ruin your life.
I hope your strong enough and........................... You don't have to listen to this old guy's advice.:thumbup

 

[CaptainTurtles]

Can you really imagine being happy living your life for 30 years like that? Think of christmas, birthdays, new year etc.

I'm 21 also, I can't help but think you'll be throwing your life away by staying with him. You might not want to travel, go wild, go clubbing and do the 'expected' 21 year old things. I have no interest in clubbing or getting things out of my system while I can, but I sure as hell plan on travelling and doing what I do want to do, and if there was anybody holding me back, I would have to cut ties with them, which I already have and I'm all the better for it.

Your friends will eventually have their partners, think of dinner dates and couples events. Holidays, would you go alone and send him pictutres?

What life are you really going to have when he does come out? He'll be lucky if he can get a job.. and if he hasn't changed and ends up going straight back in which is so common. Are you going to then waste your WHOLE life on him?

He's not worth it. Forget him, and live your life. Your so young.

 

[ZemiZem6]

Thank you for all the replies. I just wanted some input. It's easier to say "forget about him" and "move on" when you haven't been in a situation like this with someone you love & care for. It's almost like losing your other half.

I guess it's a lot harder on me, because I feel guilty. The reason why he is in there is because he shot a man that attacked me. He had picked me up from work one late night, when 2 men came out of nowhere and jumped me. Thank god he was there, but his first reaction was to shoot the guy. One of the guys took off, the other one got shot in the abdomen. The man lived, but pressed charges on my boyfriend. The cops came and took pictures of my neck and have a little footage from the security camera, but they still charged my boyfriend with attempted murder because he has been to jail before and has a record. I understand this is a self-defense case, but you never know what will happen in court. I live in Florida, and gun charges are serious crimes. Plus he didn't have a license for his gun. I feel like if he wasn't there that night, I might have been dead or seriously hurt.

So I kind of have a deep guilt in my heart.

 

[CaptainTurtles]

You didn't make him shoot anyone. That's not an acceptable reaction to that sort of situation and I don't think there is one person on this forum that would encourage you to stay with him.

You don't owe him anything because he took it upon himself to shoot someone else.

My words might sound harsh but, we're the same age. Why are you with this looser in the first place? He has a record, been to jail and carries a gun without a license. Find a nice guy.

 

[Alien Allen]

I call bull shit on this one

I seriously doubt somebody in jail gets phone rights every day

"He writes me, calls me everyday"

 

[banned]

Think I am going to agree with Alien...something fishy here...

 

[Alien Allen]

any time somebody starts out on a forum with a first post like this it is fishy.

probably another school project

 

[HK]

I guess I don't know enough about prison to think a phone call every day is suspicious :dunno


Is it that unusual?

 

[skyblue]

It's easier to say "forget about him" and "move on" when you haven't been in a situation like this with someone you love & care for. It's almost like losing your other half.

when i was 19 i walked in on the girl i thought i loved giving someone else a blow job....it hurt but i moved on

 

[ZemiZem6]

No, he does call me everyday. You guys must not know anything about jail. Haha. I guess that's a good thing?

He's in a county jail currently. You sit in there until you are sentenced. They can call all day, at certain times of the day. He goes on lock down usually around 5PM and gets out at 7PM. Then he can use the phone up until 11PM at night when they go back on lock down. I can visit him every week, once a week. On Wednesdays, Fridays, or Saturdays. And I have numerous letters and drawings that he has sent me.

Just because you go to jail, they have to give you some rights.

And this is real, I just wanted some advice because it has been very hard to go through a situation like this. I know I can't control someone else's actions, but you also can't control the people you care about in your life.

 

[Natasha]

Florida has an attempted murder statute??? I know they do for crimes committed against law enforcement, judges, and stuff like that...but for civilians???

Anyway...trust me, the novelty will wear off shortly and you're realize that you're not happy sitting around on the outside waiting for him.

 

[cam elle toe]

You should plan a Gaol break. A lady here did that. Hired a helicopter, and landed right inside the gaol where her boyfriend was waiting.
Then you won't have to wait for 30 years....just be on the run for the rest of your life.:thumbup

 

[Keight]

Based on the original question, My answer would be.....Love knows no boundries, it doesnt care if you live millions of miles away from the other person, it doesnt care if the other person is not supposed to be someone you wish to love. It doesnt care about gender or race.
Love will kick ass through any boundry.

 

[Niyi Briggs]

I read through all the comments here and I am commenting after a decade now. I believe that the original poster has s moved on or the guy got a lighter sentence that would give them hope of a future together. Love knows no boundaries. But from jail for a long sentence, it is a hopeless situation.

 

[Nomad]

Love alas means being together, sharing moments, etc. You might be thousands miles apart, or a few months away but you ultimately have to get together. Long distance relation does not work and I do not think it is possible to wait for someone even for a few years let along 20-30 years