Mrs Behavin
Well-Known Member
OK... this is the funniest story I've read in quite some time. I know some of my friends will appreciate this, and agree with it all the way. I have to add, being in a relationship on Valentine's Day is not always a big deal.
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Ah yes, Valentine's Day is around the corner again. Hearts, roses, Yanni, and (gasp) Barry Manilow...resound. And what is that in the air...could it be...love? Nope, I don’t think so.
In the immortal words of Tina Turner, I ask...
What the hell (expletive mine) has love got to do with it?
The answer my friends, is nadda. I was reading the isthmus personals today as I always do (guilty pleasure, there are some real creative people out there...you don't want to miss em), and low and behold they had grown from half a page to two pages. Valentine's Day is clearly to blame. Most of the new ads were I SAW YOU ads...as in I saw you on the bus and you kinda glanced at me, so we must be meant for one another call me (preferably before I have to spend V-day alone) etc. Now ordinarily, I kinda like the I SAW YOU's, there's something sort of sweet about them, although admittedly some of them are very stalkerish. The sheer volume of them today however suggests utter desperation. Why? Why? Why? Am I the only person on earth who thinks spending V-Day alone is not so bad? No one's forcing me to eat cherry cordials that were manufactured during the Carter administration. I don't have to ooh and ahh over bath salts (what the hell?) that smell like Great Aunt Mildred’s sock drawer. Nor do I have to pick out a chocolate tie or some charming socks with hearts (he'll just LOVE those) or an adorable (for a ten year old) stuffed animal for my nearest and dearest. Now lest you all think my distaste for V-Day is sour grapes...I'll tell you why Cupid best stay clear of me...
My parents (married 30+ years) don't celebrate V-Day. They wish each other a happy V-Day and have done with it. That's cool. Here's why it's cool...my parents do thoughtful things for each other all year long. My Mom always brings my Dad a surprise from the grocery store. If my Dad goes shopping, he brings my Mom a cd, or a new coffee maker, or anything he sees that she might like. The dog frequently sends flowers to my Mom and black jelly beans to my Dad...for no apparent reason. Valentine's Day is just a big dupe by marketing geniuses that promotes thoughtfulness...for one day. Not true, genuine, I thought about you because I care...but brow-beaten thoughtfulness. The kind that buys ridiculous things out of desperation...not to surprise or demonstrate how much we love each other. We've all been in the kind of relationship where the pressure to perform on holidays like V-Day and Sweetest Day and Hug the One You're With Day is just intolerable. You buy a dumb gift and you get a dumb gift and inside you feel cheated. You rationalize that if he had only gotten you something better...if she had only picked up that thing you were hinting about...that's not the problem folks. The problem is you can't force thoughtfulness, not even if Cupid is standing over you with an arrow pointed at your head.
The poor lonely I SAW YOU people are the other problem with V-Day. It's a day that criminalizes single life. Single folks out there, we are young, we are savvy, we kinda like our fly by the seat of our pants lifestyle. We don't mind spending Groundhog Day alone, or Easter alone, or Midsummer’s Night alone. Why the hell should V-Day be any different? The reason it's different is that V-Day has one hell of a marketing director. From the time the X-mas decor comes down until that fatal 14th it’s hearts, and kisses, and couples galore. I'm perfectly happy for people I know that are in great relationships...but frankly I wouldn't want them moving in and making out on the couch next to me all the time. Valentine's Day is like one giant touchy feely couple sitting on my couch for two goddamn months. It's enough to make even the most confident of us singletons feel a little lonely (never mention horny!).
So Cupid beware...I've booby trapped this joint...you'll never make it in. I'm saving my love for Talk Like a Pirate Day, or Tax Day, or Breast Cancer Awareness Day. Because there are 364 other days of the year to be thoughtful to the ones we love without the obligatory box of chocolates that taste like shoe polish. Any holiday that makes half the world feel left out is a bummer in my book...so Cupid take a hike...I bet you didn't even remember to get anything for Psyche. :rofl :rofl :rofl
_____________________________________________________________
Ah yes, Valentine's Day is around the corner again. Hearts, roses, Yanni, and (gasp) Barry Manilow...resound. And what is that in the air...could it be...love? Nope, I don’t think so.
In the immortal words of Tina Turner, I ask...
What the hell (expletive mine) has love got to do with it?
The answer my friends, is nadda. I was reading the isthmus personals today as I always do (guilty pleasure, there are some real creative people out there...you don't want to miss em), and low and behold they had grown from half a page to two pages. Valentine's Day is clearly to blame. Most of the new ads were I SAW YOU ads...as in I saw you on the bus and you kinda glanced at me, so we must be meant for one another call me (preferably before I have to spend V-day alone) etc. Now ordinarily, I kinda like the I SAW YOU's, there's something sort of sweet about them, although admittedly some of them are very stalkerish. The sheer volume of them today however suggests utter desperation. Why? Why? Why? Am I the only person on earth who thinks spending V-Day alone is not so bad? No one's forcing me to eat cherry cordials that were manufactured during the Carter administration. I don't have to ooh and ahh over bath salts (what the hell?) that smell like Great Aunt Mildred’s sock drawer. Nor do I have to pick out a chocolate tie or some charming socks with hearts (he'll just LOVE those) or an adorable (for a ten year old) stuffed animal for my nearest and dearest. Now lest you all think my distaste for V-Day is sour grapes...I'll tell you why Cupid best stay clear of me...
My parents (married 30+ years) don't celebrate V-Day. They wish each other a happy V-Day and have done with it. That's cool. Here's why it's cool...my parents do thoughtful things for each other all year long. My Mom always brings my Dad a surprise from the grocery store. If my Dad goes shopping, he brings my Mom a cd, or a new coffee maker, or anything he sees that she might like. The dog frequently sends flowers to my Mom and black jelly beans to my Dad...for no apparent reason. Valentine's Day is just a big dupe by marketing geniuses that promotes thoughtfulness...for one day. Not true, genuine, I thought about you because I care...but brow-beaten thoughtfulness. The kind that buys ridiculous things out of desperation...not to surprise or demonstrate how much we love each other. We've all been in the kind of relationship where the pressure to perform on holidays like V-Day and Sweetest Day and Hug the One You're With Day is just intolerable. You buy a dumb gift and you get a dumb gift and inside you feel cheated. You rationalize that if he had only gotten you something better...if she had only picked up that thing you were hinting about...that's not the problem folks. The problem is you can't force thoughtfulness, not even if Cupid is standing over you with an arrow pointed at your head.
The poor lonely I SAW YOU people are the other problem with V-Day. It's a day that criminalizes single life. Single folks out there, we are young, we are savvy, we kinda like our fly by the seat of our pants lifestyle. We don't mind spending Groundhog Day alone, or Easter alone, or Midsummer’s Night alone. Why the hell should V-Day be any different? The reason it's different is that V-Day has one hell of a marketing director. From the time the X-mas decor comes down until that fatal 14th it’s hearts, and kisses, and couples galore. I'm perfectly happy for people I know that are in great relationships...but frankly I wouldn't want them moving in and making out on the couch next to me all the time. Valentine's Day is like one giant touchy feely couple sitting on my couch for two goddamn months. It's enough to make even the most confident of us singletons feel a little lonely (never mention horny!).
So Cupid beware...I've booby trapped this joint...you'll never make it in. I'm saving my love for Talk Like a Pirate Day, or Tax Day, or Breast Cancer Awareness Day. Because there are 364 other days of the year to be thoughtful to the ones we love without the obligatory box of chocolates that taste like shoe polish. Any holiday that makes half the world feel left out is a bummer in my book...so Cupid take a hike...I bet you didn't even remember to get anything for Psyche. :rofl :rofl :rofl
