Anyone feel like rating my poem?

[Goat Whisperer]

Letting my heart bleed out.

As soothing words come pooring out,
The angered splurs seem to sprout.
The river of pain, of simple emotion,
The stream that drains my thoughts will run.

The frustrations of the day,
Just seem to melt away.
The anger, pain, and sad,
The happy, laughing, and mad.

They flow down my veins
From my pulsing brain
Provoking and evoking
My heart to start to sing

Simple memories,
Floating across the seas
Of my soul's inside
Where my true heart does hide.

I just turned 15 and I haven't been writing for long... on a 1-10

 

[Godsloveapples]

aww it's nice. I'd give it a 7. I would give your poem a higher rating but it's kinda confusing...Good luck with poetry!

 

[All Else Failed]

four out of ten.

 

[COOL_BREEZE2]

Not bad. Too many "The"s though. Gotta watch that.

7/10

 

[Ria]

That was a very good try with that poem.

I started writing poems when I was about 14, but was for my own kind of therapy reasons at the time and times since those days.

In time, you will learn where to best intergrate commas, fullstops and other words to use when starting a new line in poems.

For your age, it was very good though as I say.

I think I also would give you 7/10.

 

[memento_mori]

i give it an 8.5, which is better than what i give myself a lot of the times.

i really like the concept of writing to let yourself go, i admire people that express themselves to better themselves, and i think you hit that just right in this poem.

there are some lines i'd change to have better flow, especially 'the stream that drains my thoughts will run' -- but sometimes you cant let flow get in the way of what you want to say. judging by the rest of the poem, i bet that line sticks out to you already.

good work

 

[Obdurate]

Letting my heart bleed out.

As soothing words come pooring out,
The angered splurs seem to sprout.
The river of pain, of simple emotion,
The stream that drains my thoughts will run.

The frustrations of the day,
Just seem to melt away.
The anger, pain, and sad,
The happy, laughing, and mad.

They flow down my veins
From my pulsing brain
Provoking and evoking
My heart to start to sing

Simple memories,
Floating across the seas
Of my soul's inside
Where my true heart does hide.

I just turned 15 and I haven't been writing for long... on a 1-10

Well, you're 15 and you haven't been written long so people kind of need to take that into consideration.

Knowing that I'd say it's a 8.5 or 9. In the grand scheme of poetry it's lower but still, when I was 15 I wasn't writing that well.

This part:
The anger, pain, and sad,
The happy, laughing, and mad.

Should be removed, partially because you've used the word pain already at that point and that part just seems awkward.
However, one thing you attempt that a lot of younger people don't seem to do (because they're too busy writing: Life sucks, I'm out of luck, I wish I could just duck - Out of this life, oh the strife) is use actual imagery and ta-da:

Simple memories,
Floating across the seas
Of my soul's inside

You got some. So you're well above your peers, I would imagine, unless you're living with Shakespeares or Blakes.

I do like the concept, as well. I live by it when I write.
I think that some of what you wrote comes off a little "whiny," meaning too much mention of "anger." I think when a lot of people see "pain" they cringe a bit. There are ways to get around that and say the same thing.

So, like I said, 8.5 or 9 within a certain... niche.
But I would say about a 6.5 otherwise. Above average by a bit, not approaching greatness.

Once you write more and fix your errors, you'll be a great writer. Keep at it.





I'm sorry if this was long and jumped around a lot. I have a hard time criticizing people's stuff because so often it comes down to personal preference.

 

[fidofetch]

i like it. it rymed 10 out of 10

 

[Sparkey Duck]

Hello, sorry I have not had a chance to look at your story, been away and very busy.

In my opinion

I think that you need to revise the 1st stanza, it's too clunky and does not flow very well. Get rid a few 'and' and this should cure it..

and 'of' in The river of pain, 'of' simple emotion(s).

I would also get rid of the 2nd stanza it's not very good, it's turns almost into a nursery rhyme feel. It's too easy if you know what I mean. da da da da da da, da da da da da, leaves me kind of blank.

I would leave the 3rd and 4th as they are, I would well happy if I had wrote them

Oh, and you should get rid of the capitals at the start of each line (imo) A capital in poetry is just like in prose, at the start of every sentence

7/10 Play around with the first and redo the 2nd and I think that it will be an EXCELLENT piece.